Anyone here ever have or currently have a "fetish buddy"?

[Nessie]

I still have issues and concerns about "Tony" but can't find the strength to tell him how I feel. After all, what's the point? Why risk hurting his feelings or upsetting him if things won't change? He can't help how I feel. But I do understand that communication is important in a relationship. I have to think about what it is I should do.

You have feelings too...you could try, and let him be responsible for handling how he feels about it.

On the other hand, though -- if you had concerns, that is totally valid. Without knowing what those concerns were, it's hard to give much in the way of advice, but it does not sound like these concerns were ever settled. You also mentioned an age difference. Age shouldn't matter, but sometimes it does if it feels like the older person has too much power and/or experience.

(The older you get the less age matters. I'm imagining myself with a mud buddy a generation older than I am...and there I am, trying to figure a way to muscle that wheelchair of his through the cattails to the edge of the mudpit.)

Is it possible that some of "Tony's" tastes may cross a personal borderline of yours?

I mean, not everybody is 100% compatible with everything. I have really submerged in many actual mudpits that were well over my head for depth, and I've wandered into the wilderness far from the reach of humanity...with and without pals...and I've received emails asking me why I haven't been killed doing this! Meanwhile, I've refused to even safely role-play bondage via chat. It's not a judgmental thing, it's a "I get a yeeky feeling!" thing. And this whole fetish thing is mighty personal stuff...I wouldn't recommend crossing your comfort zone because it's highly likely that even if you make the guy happy as a clam, you'll end up mad at him in the end.

I was in love with "Chris" a few years back but never told him. I think he and I are still going strong because I never told him.

From the perspective of the total outsider who doesn't know either of these guys, Chris is making a good impression on me.

As for the jealousy thing, that gets easier over time. You just get used to the idea that different people serve different purposes in your life and not all kinds of love are identical.

Nessie

[Palinov Jensen]

I still have issues and concerns about "Tony" but can't find the strength to tell him how I feel. After all, what's the point? Why risk hurting his feelings or upsetting him if things won't change? He can't help how I feel. But I do understand that communication is important in a relationship. I have to think about what it is I should do.

You have feelings too...you could try, and let him be responsible for handling how he feels about it.

On the other hand, though -- if you had concerns, that is totally valid. Without knowing what those concerns were, it's hard to give much in the way of advice, but it does not sound like these concerns were ever settled. You also mentioned an age difference. Age shouldn't matter, but sometimes it does if it feels like the older person has too much power and/or experience.

(The older you get the less age matters. I'm imagining myself with a mud buddy a generation older than I am...and there I am, trying to figure a way to muscle that wheelchair of his through the cattails to the edge of the mudpit.)

Is it possible that some of "Tony's" tastes may cross a personal borderline of yours?

I mean, not everybody is 100% compatible with everything. I have really submerged in many actual mudpits that were well over my head for depth, and I've wandered into the wilderness far from the reach of humanity...with and without pals...and I've received emails asking me why I haven't been killed doing this! Meanwhile, I've refused to even safely role-play bondage via chat. It's not a judgmental thing, it's a "I get a yeeky feeling!" thing. And this whole fetish thing is mighty personal stuff...I wouldn't recommend crossing your comfort zone because it's highly likely that even if you make the guy happy as a clam, you'll end up mad at him in the end.

I was in love with "Chris" a few years back but never told him. I think he and I are still going strong because I never told him.

From the perspective of the total outsider who doesn't know either of these guys, Chris is making a good impression on me.

As for the jealousy thing, that gets easier over time. You just get used to the idea that different people serve different purposes in your life and not all kinds of love are identical.

Nessie

Thanks Nessie! You're a big help!

I can't say too much about my relationships with "Chris" and "Tony". I want to protect everyone's privacy and Identity, but I will say this: I don't feel as if "Tony" has too much power, as of now and "Chris" has said some offensive things (not about or to me) in the past, but both are good men.

So far, no personal boundaries have been crossed as far as taste is concerned, well at least not on my end. His fetishes are innocent enough. I have, however, shared some ridiculous, gross fantasies with him. He expressed interest in some of them!

I'm no longer have jealousy issues with "Chris" or "Tony"! To be honest, girlfriends have come and gone, but I've constantly been in "Chris" life. I've been with him though thick and thin, when he was homeless, though his difficult home life, etc... He has a different girlfriend now and is in a decent place in life. I'm glad he has her and told him as much.

I know I need to tell "Tony" how I feel but I really don't want to hurt or upset him. We'll see what happens in the next few months... "Tony's" a great guy. I'm sure things will be okay.

[Nessie]

Thanks Nessie! You're a big help!

I can't say too much about my relationships with "Chris" and "Tony". I want to protect everyone's privacy and Identity

I'm in the same boat...my last partnered quicksand outing was a few years ago now, and I'm done with that now. But there were eight of them...with mudpits in six different states.

I know I need to tell "Tony" how I feel but I really don't want to hurt or upset him. We'll see what happens in the next few months... "Tony's" a great guy. I'm sure things will be okay.

I wish you the best of luck with it. I hope you're able to talk to Tony, because only Tony can tell you how he really feels.

Nessie