Big Breasts Can Be Deadly

[101927700]

Jan Kong-yuk was an ordinary North Korean farmer girl. Every day, for 10 hours, she worked the land that Kim Jong-un had assigned her family two years earlier. Back in the 1930s, the Japanese had built 10-foot deep trenches around what was now her land. Her family also had chest waders that had been smuggled from South Korea that Kim Jong-un had wanted them to have due to the wetness of the fields. It seemed that the "Dear Leader" loved their farm second only to Pyongyang. The shipment had been disguised as a shipment to China going through the DPRK. Jan was also the most popular of the girls of the farm, since her breasts were gigantic, weighing 20 pounds each. According to folklore in the farm, "Kim Jong-il came from the sky at her birth, and built her gigantic breasts, saying that it would help her family." But in reality, the wheat that Jan ate just happened to have a lot of breast growth compounds.

Today, Jan was to tend to the fields along the edge of the farm.

"Just don't step over the old trench, because the Japanese imperialists made it into quicksand just to inconvenience the Korean people," was the advice she was given. So, Jan put on her chest waders, which had to be modified to fit her gigantic breasts, and went to the fields. Her feet still sank in a small bit into the ground at each step due to her breasts constituting 30% of her body weight. Reaching the fields, Jan began another day's work of watering the crops. Her monstrous breasts made it difficult to work, weighing her down with each movement. But Jan worked and worked, until around noon. Jan was getting kind of warm in her waders. Focusing on the heat, Jan accidentally walked over the trench, and started sinking. Her immense 40-combined-pound breasts weighed her down, making her sink to her waist.

Jan Kong-yuk was up to her waist in quicksand. She expected to see Kim Jong-un descend from the sky due to all the propaganda she had heard. So she didn't try to get out of the mud. But, as time passed, the Great Leader was nowhere to be seen.

"He doesn't even know I'm here. He expects me to be okay. Why, the propaganda was wrong all along!" Jan Kong-yuk no longer believed the propaganda she had been taught her entire life. She was up to her chest in quicksand, but her breasts were so heavy that they came close to the thick mud. And she showed no signs of stopping.

It was now 3 P.M. on January 15, 2015. On a rural North Korean farm, a girl with abnormally heavy breasts was sinking in quicksand.
Jan Kong-yuk was up to her upper chest in the thick mud. She was holding her breasts up, but they were so heavy that it took a lot of effort. She could no longer hold them. They plopped down into the thick mud, adding to the weight pressing down on the mud. Jan was getting incredibly aroused by her gigantic boobs sinking into the mud. She was about to reach orgasm as her breasts were halfway submerged. Now, a new sound occurred: bubbling from the mud, with a horrendous smell coming with it. And that pushed Jan over the edge. "Aaah! Eeeeh! Ooof!" She had no idea how many times she had orgasmed in the past few seconds, but her breasts were too heavy to support their immense weight and be buoyant in the mud. So, orgasm after orgasm, Jan sank into the mud, making herself sink more with every orgasmic movement. Aside from the mud, Jan was feeling incredibly aroused. She had been orgasmed perhaps two hundred times in the past minute. By now, her boobs had disappeared, and her waders threatened to fill. She was still sinking.

Jan Kong-yuk was sinking fast into North Korean quicksand. Her monstrous boobs were so heavy that she sank into all natural ground. Her chest waders were on the verge of filling. Jan's sink had reached its climax as she orgasmed a 250th time. And this sent her over the edge a second time. She sank over the tops of her chest waders, filling in 30 seconds. The mud was super thick, super stinky, and super heavy. As the mud filled the area of the waders around Jan's enormous boobs, she started orgasming again, this time a lot harder. She was also being dragged down twice as fast as the mud reached her feet. As she reached her neck, she was so aroused that she had no sense of anything else mentally. But when the mud reached her chin, she snapped out of it. She realized the danger and started trying to remove her waders. But the mud was so thick that she could not move. She accepted her fate and relaxed. She took a last, large gulp of air as her head went under.

5 years later...

The Second Korean War had just ended in a South Korean victory. Pretty good way to start a decade. The South Korean and American armies were digging out the exact trench that Jan died in. Eventually, an American soldier named Abigail Darton found something in the mud. Something very disturbing.

"Hey, I found the body of a girl who drowned here 5 years ago!" she called. Jan's body was well preserved in the low-oxygen environment. In fact, her brain was still intact. So, they dug out the body, and put it in a lab. It found a lot of her thoughts and senses in her last five minutes. It found that her last emotion had been horror when she saw her own blood when she opened her eyes a moment before she died. It revealed an interesting truth. When her family had found the hole where she had sank, and saw the blood in it, they wrote a letter to the government saying that the Japanese caused her death by putting that quicksand trench there, sparking a new Korean War. Therefore Jan Kong-yuk was responsible for the Korean reunification. They also found another gross thing: when she had gone under, she had shit herself out of fear. The bacteria in the aforementioned shit had developed into a cure and vaccine for every disease and other sickness in the world. So the death of one person resulted in massive global changes. The end.

I know what you're probably thinking: "Using shit as a plot element again?" Well, this time, I made it a small, unimportant plot part, and I made it make the ending to the epilogue better. I also have been wanting to make a story where a girl has incredibly heavy breasts and they make her sink. So this is that story. Writing this story, I kinda wanted to make it a bit different, by having it take place on a North Korean farm.
Anyways, thanks for reading,
101927700.

[drewbers]

Lame

[Viridian]

101927700, would you like a critique?

[101927700]

101927700, would you like a critique?

Sure.

[Viridian]

Firstly, if you haven't already, I encourage to read my guide to writing QS stories here: http://www.quicksandfans.com/bb/viewtopic.php?f=14&t=10067

I suggest this because I've noticed over the course of your stories that you have consistent habits that I address in my thread, particularly with "oversexualisation", but I'll go into detail later.

You have a knack for using good settings for your stories. Even the ridiculous breasts were cleverly explained, in-universe, as gifts from Kim Jong-Il, though in my opinion it was ruined by the pseudo-scientific breast-growth compound in wheat (choose carefully what elements should be explained - don't ruin the immersion). Though I personally think this is way too over-the-top, breast enlargement and fascination with super breast sizes is a thing, so I'll give this the benefit of the doubt and not comment on its use as a plot device.

The issue I have with your use of big breasts is that it doesn't seem like it has a real role to play in the story, and you refer to the size of the breasts in nearly every sentence - "gigantic", "immense", "monstrous". Considering you spent a paragraph explaining the weight and proportion of her breasts, the reader should know how big they are without a descriptor every time they're mentioned -- which is, in my opinion, too often. Leave a little to the imagination and the reading experience is more enjoyable than just throwing big boobs are the screen.

You also have a tendency to be scarily specific in how your characters die in your stories. This isn't the first time I've seen stories that focus on this (and if I didn't know better, I would've thought you were the same author), and I'm mildly confused by this fixation on gruesome death scenes. More so that, again, it doesn't add anything to your story and feels more like a vent for a specific interest or fetish. You're also awfully specific on things like the number of orgasms she had (250? Does she have a hypersexual disorder?), and there is a point where, even in a crazy fetish fantasy, things become implausible for even the most interested reader.

This, I feel, is where you are falling into a major writing trap. Your stories are following the same pattern and are fixated on the same fetishes: waders, gruesome deaths and scat, this time with big breasts added. Now, this isn't inherently a bad thing - many authors re-use themes and have favourites they like to include (for example, I like to include subtle arousal and stripping, and I've seen authors who have to include pantyhose), but the way you use these elements is not as an intricate plot, but as a template for your pieces. In terms of structure, this story is identical to your previous story, "Listen to Your Friends": woman wears waders, sinks into quicksand, gets aroused, dies horrifically, flourished with a timeskip and unnecessary pseudoscience ending that has nothing to do with the original plot. Though you say that you used a North Korean farm to make things a bit different, 90% of your story structure and plot elements are the same. Different name, different epilogue, and that's about it.

If there's one thing I absolutely dislike about your stories, it's the epilogues. Again, there's a strangely specific pattern: there's a timeskip, a specifically named future character who discovers the intact, preserved dead body and makes a completely irrelevant revelation. In this ending, it doesn't explain how it's possible to read thoughts and senses from a dead brain, the unification of Korea and war against Japan feels thrown-in without reason, and...shit that cures every disease in the world? How? Why? Remember, these things aren't plot elements if you only include them in one paragraph at the end. You've got to work on weaving the plot elements that are focused in the ending part of the plot and character development. While there's no reason why you can't kill your main character, you can make their death meaningful if you establish other plot elements during the story, not after they are dead. This goes for another of your stories, in which the characters suddenly reveal they have four lungs and can breathe anything. If you leave the epilogue out, the story makes sense by itself, for its fetishes and fixations. Add in the epilogue, and nothing makes sense, and the more you try to explain things in the epilogue, the more nonsensical they become.

To sum up, in my opinion, a good story is one that is an enjoyable read even if you take out all of the fetish elements. If you take out the boobs, the waders, the shit and the quicksand, there's no story. This kind of writing is a fetish fantasy more than a story. A story needs a conflict - a problem that is resolved by the end. If geopolitics is a theme that you want to use in the end, make it part of the entire story. If I were to put the Viridian-esque style into the story, I'd make the main character a South Korean diplomat who is visiting the North Korean fields as a step towards peace and unification, and her death triggers a response to the historic Japanese mistreatment. Throw in all the fetishes you want (waders, boobs, orgasms), but in the end you have a complete story - there's a cause, a conflict and a resolution. The effect you want is basically "Wow, that was a nice story. And it was hot."

[101927700]

Firstly, if you haven't already, I encourage to read my guide to writing QS stories here: http://www.quicksandfans.com/bb/viewtopic.php?f=14&t=10067

I suggest this because I've noticed over the course of your stories that you have consistent habits that I address in my thread, particularly with "oversexualisation", but I'll go into detail later.

You have a knack for using good settings for your stories. Even the ridiculous breasts were cleverly explained, in-universe, as gifts from Kim Jong-Il, though in my opinion it was ruined by the pseudo-scientific breast-growth compound in wheat (choose carefully what elements should be explained - don't ruin the immersion). Though I personally think this is way too over-the-top, breast enlargement and fascination with super breast sizes is a thing, so I'll give this the benefit of the doubt and not comment on its use as a plot device.

The issue I have with your use of big breasts is that it doesn't seem like it has a real role to play in the story, and you refer to the size of the breasts in nearly every sentence - "gigantic", "immense", "monstrous". Considering you spent a paragraph explaining the weight and proportion of her breasts, the reader should know how big they are without a descriptor every time they're mentioned -- which is, in my opinion, too often. Leave a little to the imagination and the reading experience is more enjoyable than just throwing big boobs are the screen.

You also have a tendency to be scarily specific in how your characters die in your stories. This isn't the first time I've seen stories that focus on this (and if I didn't know better, I would've thought you were the same author), and I'm mildly confused by this fixation on gruesome death scenes. More so that, again, it doesn't add anything to your story and feels more like a vent for a specific interest or fetish. You're also awfully specific on things like the number of orgasms she had (250? Does she have a hypersexual disorder?), and there is a point where, even in a crazy fetish fantasy, things become implausible for even the most interested reader.

This, I feel, is where you are falling into a major writing trap. Your stories are following the same pattern and are fixated on the same fetishes: waders, gruesome deaths and scat, this time with big breasts added. Now, this isn't inherently a bad thing - many authors re-use themes and have favourites they like to include (for example, I like to include subtle arousal and stripping, and I've seen authors who have to include pantyhose), but the way you use these elements is not as an intricate plot, but as a template for your pieces. In terms of structure, this story is identical to your previous story, "Listen to Your Friends": woman wears waders, sinks into quicksand, gets aroused, dies horrifically, flourished with a timeskip and unnecessary pseudoscience ending that has nothing to do with the original plot. Though you say that you used a North Korean farm to make things a bit different, 90% of your story structure and plot elements are the same. Different name, different epilogue, and that's about it.

If there's one thing I absolutely dislike about your stories, it's the epilogues. Again, there's a strangely specific pattern: there's a timeskip, a specifically named future character who discovers the intact, preserved dead body and makes a completely irrelevant revelation. In this ending, it doesn't explain how it's possible to read thoughts and senses from a dead brain, the unification of Korea and war against Japan feels thrown-in without reason, and...shit that cures every disease in the world? How? Why? Remember, these things aren't plot elements if you only include them in one paragraph at the end. You've got to work on weaving the plot elements that are focused in the ending part of the plot and character development. While there's no reason why you can't kill your main character, you can make their death meaningful if you establish other plot elements during the story, not after they are dead. This goes for another of your stories, in which the characters suddenly reveal they have four lungs and can breathe anything. If you leave the epilogue out, the story makes sense by itself, for its fetishes and fixations. Add in the epilogue, and nothing makes sense, and the more you try to explain things in the epilogue, the more nonsensical they become.

To sum up, in my opinion, a good story is one that is an enjoyable read even if you take out all of the fetish elements. If you take out the boobs, the waders, the shit and the quicksand, there's no story. This kind of writing is a fetish fantasy more than a story. A story needs a conflict - a problem that is resolved by the end. If geopolitics is a theme that you want to use in the end, make it part of the entire story. If I were to put the Viridian-esque style into the story, I'd make the main character a South Korean diplomat who is visiting the North Korean fields as a step towards peace and unification, and her death triggers a response to the historic Japanese mistreatment. Throw in all the fetishes you want (waders, boobs, orgasms), but in the end you have a complete story - there's a cause, a conflict and a resolution. The effect you want is basically "Wow, that was a nice story. And it was hot."

About the death scenes... I used to prefer to save my characters, but I don't have great ideas for the death scenes. So I just throw stuff at the wall and see what sticks, which I'll admit is a terrible way to write a story sometimes. I also hate my epilogues, but they come from the fact that in most books I read, there is an epilogue. But I completely see your point. To compensate for the repitition, I will make the next story different. Actually, I have the next story written but I'm unsure if I want to release it.

In short, I'll keep those things in mind.

[Viridian]

Throwing things at a wall and seeing what sticks is a nice way to get ideas for a story, but it doesn't give you a complete story. It's very easy to focus on several elements, but turning them into something cohesive is an art and a craft. Due to the setting of this story, you've created an original idea, but you may have ruined it by throwing too many fetishes. Though this may challenge your personal interests, you should ask yourself: Did the character need to have gigantic boobs? Did she really need to literally shit herself? Does the story read better without fixating on these aspects? As the author, you need to take charge of your own quality control. If you don't like it, don't put it in the story.

Regarding death scenes - the point I'm making is that you should be selective in which scenes you embellish in detail. You don't have to describe everything, and choosing which parts to be detailed means shifting focus onto that for a reason. For example, what effect are you aiming for when you depict each part of the character's physical death? Some people write specifically for those audiences who like the gruesome grim deaths, or those who have a drowning fetish.

Regarding epilogues - something to bear in mind is that you're reading books, not short stories. Books establish huge numbers of complex plot elements that, by the end, need to be cleaned up. A short story can have an epilogue too, and it works well if the story has a climax that doesn't resolve the conflict. Your epilogues, however, introduce new elements instead of resolving the ones you established. While I'm not saying that you shouldn't write epilogues, you should aim to give your stories a complete, fulfilling ending that ties up loose ends and connects to the conflict of the story. In this case, your ending - and your epilogue - have nothing to do with the issue of having big breasts.

One of my favourite QS stories is "Honor and Duty" (viewtopic.php?f=14&t=2780). I used a semi-historical setting for this one - an unnamed island in the Pacific. The specific fetish elements were actually quite simple - apart from quicksand, I was focused on using a Japanese girl and voyeur, and in a sense, the scene that I personally felt I "had" to include was the one in which the main character pervs on her during a swim, and though the story doesn't feel like it, it was constructed around that pivotal scene. Though I could've ended the story after the quicksand rescue, the ending serves to wrap up the loose ends - the fate of the soldier and the reason he was there, connecting to the "big picture" and real-world history.

If you don't mind, I'd like to take this North Korean setting and write a story to demonstrate how I would go about this subject.

Though I can't tell you whether or not to publish your already-written story, you may wish to be your own critic. I always advise writers to take their time and not pump out pieces that turn out to be regrettable.

[101927700]

If you don't mind, I'd like to take this North Korean setting and write a story to demonstrate how I would go about this subject.

Go ahead and write a story in the North Korean setting. I'd like to see your take on it.