The Alternate Story of Frozen

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101927700
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The Alternate Story of Frozen

Postby 101927700 » Mon Feb 02, 2015 5:51 am

The Alternate Story of Frozen

In an alternate universe, Elsa has mud powers, not ice powers. As such, she is not able to use them until she leaves the castle one day...

"I'll be back, gotta go for a nature walk!" Elsa called to Anna. Heading out of the "urban" part of Arendelle, Elsa headed into the forests. In the forests, she found a pond. She reached her hand out towards it to touch her reflection, but the water turned brown and thickened as she did this. Putting a stick in, she found that she had created a mud pit that was as deep as her neck. Survivable, but no one would want to get stuck in there. So, Elsa just walked away from the pit, leaving it there. Little did she know Anna would find it by accident one day...

1 month later, Anna decided to go on a nature walk, in the same direction that Elsa had found the pond in.

"Why is there an outline of stones here? So weird that a random clearing would have random stones in the shape of a pond!" Anna noted. But, stepping over a stone, she found out something weird. Her boot sank into the ground, as if the ground was water. Then, realization shot into her. When Elsa had gone on the nature walk a month earlier, she had accidentally discovered she had the power to turn water into mud in this pond. And she didn't do anything with it.

"Well, I'm stronger than the average man would believe, so I can cross this pit!" she told herself. So, Anna sank her other boot in, and started squelching across the mud pond, sinking deeper with every step. Eventually, at the middle of the pond, Anna could not lift her boots. She was stuck and sinking. The mud touched the lower fringes of her dress, but she dismissed it as nothing.

Then, the mud bubbled around Anna, and she sank quicker, up to her waist. She felt the thick mud closing around her, sucking her down, inch by inch. She knew her dress and boots were trashed by now, and was starting to panic. The mud was starting to soak through her clothes.

"Well, I've gotten myself into a predicament, haven't I? Well, as long as I don't sink deeEEEPEER! Ahh, I just sank to my lower chest!" Anna complained. The mud bubbled violently for a second, splattering mud all over Anna's face.

"Good thing Arendelle is on the ocean, because Elsa won't let me in the castle in this state!" Anna said. Then, as if the mud was hungry, it slurped and sucked Anna down to her breasts.

"I've never felt this kind of pressure around these! Well, then again, I've never really been in quicksand... Wait, what?! This isn't mud? It was quicksand the whole time? Well, at least it probably won't pull me under," said Anna. She floated at breast-depth for probably 10 to 20 minutes before she yelled, "Enough! I can't wait any longer!" Anna started really struggling, and this only made her sink deeper. Soon, she was up to her neck, and breathing heavily.

"Calm yourself, Anna. Remember that you are the princess of Arendelle. Second in power only to your sister, Elsa. Elsa. Who caused you to get in this mess by turning this pond into frickin' QUICKSAND!" Anna was getting annoyed. But this anger did nothing except shake the mud more, causing Anna to sink to her chin. She decided that it was probably over for her, that she would drown. So, she decided to take a nap.

"What the... Who's pushing on my back?" Anna woke up to feel something pushing on her back. Turning, she saw Elsa in the mud with her, Elsa's breasts rubbing against her.

"Hi, Anna. Yes, your fears are true. I did create this pit. But it was an accident. And now that we're both the same depth in this pit... We really need to come up with a solution.. First, turn around as much as possible in the mud. It's really kinda uncomfortable having my breasts rubbing against your back," said Elsa. Somehow managing to turn her whole body in the mud, Anna turned around, and the sisters' breasts came together. They bounced around a bit, squishing into each other, doing other weird things that breasts do when they rub against each other.

"Okay, that feels really weird," commented Anna. The sudden rotation and vibration caused the two to sink to just below their mouths. But somehow, Elsa managed to say, "I actually have the power to move mud as well as get rid of it." "GreAAAH!" Anna tried to reply, but all she got was a mouthful of mud.

At that moment, Anna felt the mud leave her mouth, and saw the mud descending away from her. Elsa was really removing the mud. Soon, Anna's boots were uncovered, and, albeit covered in mud, the two were alive.

"Thanks," said Anna. The sisters walked out of the pit, and found a nearby pond to wash off in, and now that Elsa was controlling her power, she did not turn the water to mud. The end.



I have been wanting to write this story for over a year. However, I haven't really had any inspiration, until I thought of Elsa having mud powers, creating a mud pit out of a pond. The rest I just came up with as I went along. And also, I have been wanting to kinda reform my stories from the kind of story that I hate because it includes too many off-track things, as well as stuff that I claim is not an obsession but most people would call it, but I'm not going to ruin the magic of the story by going in-depth (pun intended) with that stuff. I have also been thinking of ways to make mud/Frozen crossovers since like September 2014 or something like that. Then, I started making Minecraft animations of Anna sinking in mud, but after a month, I was met with hate and spam by no particular popular internet site *cough cough 4chan*, and eventually had to blacklist some comment terms and ban some people for spamming, "4chan is disappointed bro" comments on all of the Anna-Mations as I called them. After the episode 10 finale of Season 1, I contemplated what to do with that series. A month after the series went silent, I uploaded a trailer for Season 2, just a lot of screen caps from S1. Then I decided that I hated the series due to voice acting (Anna and Elsa's voices are too hard to replicate), and decided to eliminate the series altogether, taking down all 11 videos about Anna-Mations. A week ago, I revisited the idea, and now I just have to do the voice acting for the first episode of Anna-Mations Reboot. Revisiting AM gave me inspiration for how to make a good mud/Frozen crossover story. And then I wrote this.

Thanks for reading,
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Viridian
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Re: The Alternate Story of Frozen

Postby Viridian » Mon Feb 02, 2015 8:12 am

I'm not going to critique this, but two things stuck out to me.

In an alternate universe, Elsa has mud powers, not ice powers.

One might question why you would even set this up as a Frozen story. You don't use the characters in a distinguishing way, and you're effectively creating a new character with mud powers, so why not be original? I seldom create fan-fiction because I find that my take on the characters is original enough for me to actually create an original story - perhaps inspired by the source material in my mind, but not a direct use of the source material on paper. Taking Elsa's ice powers - without any explanation - defeats the whole purpose of using the Frozen setting. Like writing a Lion King fanfiction, except making Simba a gazelle.

Fanfiction can be a nasty field to work with because you risk upsetting fans of the source material for unfaithfully representing the characters and themes. I doubt there are hardcore Frozen fans on this forum that would be upset by this. I did once write a Soul Calibur fanfic and that got hammered by another author who was furious at my portrayal of a series he was very fond of. It caused a bit of a kerfuffle on DeepSinking, and I've refused to re-post the story since.

She decided that it was probably over for her, that she would drown. So, she decided to take a nap.

...why would someone accepting their imminent death...take a nap?

I'm curious if you read through the feedback given to you. It seems that with all your work, you go through a cycle of create-hate-regret-delete. I spend more time writing up critique for you because you ask for it than you do writing the stories, and I haven't received an acknowledgement that you've even read through it. My honest opinion would be considered taboo (but if you really want to know, PM me), so I'm trying to be constructive and helping you polish your work. I won't waste my time if this is not something you actually want.
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DaegonNeo
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Re: The Alternate Story of Frozen

Postby DaegonNeo » Tue Feb 03, 2015 6:01 am

Viridian wrote: I spend more time writing up critique for you because you ask for it than you do writing the stories, and I haven't received an acknowledgement that you've even read through it. My honest opinion would be considered taboo (but if you really want to know, PM me), so I'm trying to be constructive and helping you polish your work. I won't waste my time if this is not something you actually want.



Well, I for one happen to enjoy reading the critique, so if nobody else, you have at least one avid reader.
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Ace
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Re: The Alternate Story of Frozen

Postby Ace » Tue Feb 03, 2015 8:29 am

DaegonNeo wrote:
Viridian wrote: I spend more time writing up critique for you because you ask for it than you do writing the stories, and I haven't received an acknowledgement that you've even read through it. My honest opinion would be considered taboo (but if you really want to know, PM me), so I'm trying to be constructive and helping you polish your work. I won't waste my time if this is not something you actually want.



Well, I for one happen to enjoy reading the critique, so if nobody else, you have at least one avid reader.


Same here. It's my favorite part of these stories.

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Re: The Alternate Story of Frozen

Postby Viridian » Tue Feb 03, 2015 8:58 am

It's why I prefer making the critiques public rather than private. It's not a personal smackdown; it's a learning experience, and I find it fascinating to see how others can critically view pieces of writing. Your comment is appreciated, and in time I'd like to do commentaries on my own stories.
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The Great Red Spot
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Re: The Alternate Story of Frozen

Postby The Great Red Spot » Mon Dec 18, 2017 12:41 am

101927700, haven't you tried MMD (Miku Miku Dance) for your Anna sinking animations.

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The Great Red Spot
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Re: The Alternate Story of Frozen

Postby The Great Red Spot » Mon Dec 18, 2017 12:42 am

101927700, haven't you tried MMD (Miku Miku Dance) for your Anna sinking animations.

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101927700
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Re: The Alternate Story of Frozen

Postby 101927700 » Tue Dec 19, 2017 12:11 am

The Great Red Spot wrote:101927700, haven't you tried MMD (Miku Miku Dance) for your Anna sinking animations.

No. And I don't plan to. I forgot how much I hated all of my old stories...
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