Sinking Surprise

[101927700]

Sinking Surprise

Brylie Watson was walking on the bank of a river in the mountains two weeks after she had sunk pretty deep in creek mud. She was wearing a new pair of pink rubber boots, as her "old" boots had been dirtied beyond cleaning by the creek sink. Today, Brylie was also wearing a green T-shirt and blue jeans.

Brylie came up to an island in the river. She crossed over to it, and all of a sudden, she plunged to her hips in mud. Oh no, not again! she thought as she watched the tops of her jeans slip below the mud. The mud started to fill them, producing an interesting feeling. At least it is helping me relax... or is that arousal? thought Brylie. She tried to move in the mud, but it held her firmly. I don't have the luxury of, well, any convenient trees this time... How will I get out? Panic started to flood into Brylie's mind as she thought of a way to escape. But, five minutes later, she couldn't come up with anything. So she just submitted to the mud.

Well, it seems I can not escape. I guess I'd better try to enjoy the ride down... Brylie thought. Minutes later, the mud was starting to cup her breasts. At least they might help me float for a bit... she thought. But the suction of the mud was too great, and the mud claimed her breasts quickly.

Brylie was quite scared now. The mud was climbing towards her shoulders and neck. This is it. I'll go under. I can't get out, and I don't feel a bottom yet. thought Brylie. The mud reached her shoulders. Two minutes later, the mud was climbing her neck, when Brylie felt her feet hit bottom all of a sudden. Thank the universe! I can't sink any further! But how do I get out? Brylie thought as her panic partially subsided, knowing she wouldn't drown in mud.

Brylie considered her options. She could try twisting around rapidly to loosen the mud. Nah, I won't do that... When I tried doing that last time, it caused me to literally piss myself. So no. She could also try putting her legs in a running motion. But this mud is so thick. I can't possibly do that! Then, Brylie thought of a solution. It was risky, but she would have to take the chance to be able to escape. She managed to free her arms, and started stirring up the mud around her, constant motion required for her arms to not get stuck.

Five minutes later, Brylie was able to get herself up to just her waist in mud. Then, she decided to try to slip out of her jeans and boots, and try to pull them out after she was out. Unbuttoning her jeans, she worked her way out of the mud. But when she pulled on the jeans, they barely moved. So she pushed them under the mud so they would be hidden from any rafters who might want to report littering. Brylie washed off in the creek and drove home. The end.

For once, I actually have no author commentary about this story.
Thanks for reading, 101927700.

[Viridian]

I've noticed that your threads have been lacking in responses. I offer another critique, should you want one.

[101927700]

I've noticed that your threads have been lacking in responses. I offer another critique, should you want one.

Sure.

[Viridian]

The silver lining in this is that your depiction of the sinking scene is improving. Your description is on point and the reactions are more believable and less over the top, though the sequence still contains odd, random inclusions, such as the concern about littering.

The main problem, as of late, is that you've put in less effort in creating a story. Your Brylie Watson pieces have no plot whatsoever, and you've described three different sinking incidents in around 500 words each, all of them practically identical (with the last one being grim, out of laziness?). Your initial submissions from 2014 were of a decent length for a (very) short story, but the last three you have written do not structurally meet the definition of a story. As much as I dislike criticising other writers, you're effectively flooding the forum with 20-minute cookie-cutter paragraphs that are more or less the same. Your submissions are the embodiment of all the "bad writing" I identify in my sticky thread.

I beseech that you invest more time into producing quality over quantity and acknowledge some of the feedback and suggestions that have been made. Critiques work best when they become a discussion rather than plain criticism. I'm open to talking about and bouncing ideas. Take the time to develop your ideas, extend your writing, and try to piece together something that can be a pleasurable read that isn't over in 2 minutes. A story doesn't have to be long to be good, but it has to be interesting and captivating, and this doesn't work when there's zero effort in plot and character development. The worst criticism I can level at a fellow writing is to accuse them of not trying. I have no basis for this, but if I keep on seeing regular weekly submissions with the same brevity and repetition, I may start believing that. I apologise if this rubs you the wrong way, but I feel that this is the message that is coming across in your recent writing.

In short, your writing is getting lazier and you seem to care less with each submission, and in turn fewer people are bothering to read and/or comment.

[DJlurker]

Viridian has a point. You *were* starting to improve, but now you seem to be regressing. Lately, all your stories have pretty much been the exact same thing, just swap names and faces, swap a good ending with a bad ending, and so on, and so forth, etc. etc.

My advice, step away from the writer's desk for a bit, go out and do other stuff, and maybe something will inspire you to do something different than what you've been putting out recently. Oh, and "escaped QS, went home and went to bed" is not a satisfactory ending.