Bikini Bog Rescue

[101927700]

Bikini Bog Rescue

Tirah Hoffmann, 19, was driving down a dirt road somewhere in Ireland. She was wearing only a blue bikini due to the recent Irish heatwave. Suddenly, her car's engine shut off. Out of fuel. Her car came to a stop on the side of the road. Tirah wanted to call for help, but her phone turned out to be out of battery. In the distance, she made out a small house-like structure. However, a large flat area with random dark patches lay between her and the building. So, she began running in a beeline towards the house. Her eyes were solely focused on the house, so she didn't watch where she was going. Suddenly, Tirah let out a shriek as she sank to her hips in one of the dark patches of thick peat.

The mud swallowed Tirah's bikini bottom, and filled it, giving the girl a small tingling sensation around her woman area. The bog let out a huge bubble of gas, and Tirah suddenly sank to her waist. She could feel the pull of the mud, as if it wanted to eat her alive, sucking her down until her world went black. She shivered at the thought. Tirah then decided to try and get out of the mud. She tried to push herself up, but her arms got stuck in the thick black peat. She tried kicking her legs, but that only liquefied the mud and made her sink quicker. Soon, the mud threatened to swallow the young girl's breasts.

Tirah got a weird sensation as the mud cupped her breasts. They were fairly large, large enough to cause Tirah to float in the mud. This feels nice. Maybe I can stay like this until help arrives, thought Tirah. She began to relax. She closed her eyes and tried to think happy thoughts. Suddenly, she felt a weird sensation down by her crotch; the mud around there seemed warmer and less thick. Oh fuck, I'm pissing myself! No! STOP! Tirah thought in horror. After a few seconds, the sensation died off. Then, Tirah looked at the mud, and to her horror realized that the bog was about to engulf her shoulders. Now it climbed her neck. This is it... I'm about to drown in a bog... No... This can't be real! I'm too young for this to happen to me! Tirah thought. Oh well, if I do go down, no one will ever know, since they're planning to get rid of the road through here, which was why I wanted to drive on it. And with that, Tirah closed her eyes accepted her fate. Suddenly, she felt her feet hit solid ground in the mud. Oh thank everything.... At least now I won't drown... And with that, she decided to go to sleep, so she wouldn't have to endure the end if it came...

Tirah woke to find herself laying on a deck, covered in black peat from the chin down. She was completely naked, with her dirty bikini hanging on a clothesline nearby. "Oh, finally, you're awake! Do you realize how lucky you are to be alive? Your face was nearly swallowed by that bog!", a girl wearing muddy chest waders sitting on the deck said to Tirah. "If I hadn't seen you running for this house after I got out of the shower, you'd probably be dead by now." "Thanks... who are you?" Tirah asked. "I'm Trystan. Trystan Falkan, to be exact. And you are?" "Tirah Hoffmann." "Cool." "How'd you get me out of that bog?"

"Basically, when I saw you fall in the mud, I got dressed and put my chest waders on. Heading out to you, I got to you a minute or two after you went to sleep. I had to step into the mud to reach you. Then, I got your arms out of the mud, and got you out of the mud. Your bikini came off during the process, but better nude than dead. Then I had to get out... easier said than done in chest waders. I'd sank nearly to the tops of them by the time I got you out. But, I then inflated my life jacket and was able to crawl out from there," said Trystan. "I've got gas for your car if you'd like." "Sure... anything to get me away from this bog." The end.

Well, another month break from writing stories seems to have paid off.
Thanks for reading, 101927700.

[Conspiracy101]

I've been reading your stories since the beginning and let me at start off by saying your writing skills have been improving. I'm always hesitant to provide constructive criticism since I feel like my storys are average at best, but I feel the need to give you some objective criticisms with this particular story.

Again, just being as objective as possible, my first problem was with Tirah's attire. I never have a problem with a woman being in a bikini when she's sinking in quicksand, it's still my preferred look for women, as long as it makes some sense. There isn't very much depth to this story and I don't see any explanation as to why Tirah is driving around in Ireland only wearing a bikini. Does she prefer to only dress in bikinis? Is she going to the beach and didn't care to wear anything else? These details make for a better story.

Next was your inclusion of the protagonist peeing uncontrollably in the bog. If you have a fetish for woman urinating, that's fine. I'm not about to criticisize a harmless fetish just cause I have no interest in it, but there's no context for why Tirah suddenly starts peeing without any control, or even knowledge of it at first. Again, some further explanation beforehand would've helped make your story better.

Lastly was the rescue portion. I love a happy ending to a quicksand story, but you skipped over the rescue in the weirdest way. One second she felt solid ground, reassuring she won't drown, then she wakes up out of the bog. I assume by "Tirah woke," she fell asleep in the bog. My question is why? Was she waiting forever for rescue? Was it really late at night and she was already extremely tired? This was a very odd choice in writing because again, there is no detail as to why she's in the bog and awake one second, then the next she's waking up out of the bog thanks to the homeowner coming out to rescue her.

Again, just little things here and there to make it a better short story. It doesn't have to be the length of a novel to include enough detail to help the story flow. Keep writing, you've definitely been doing much better.

[101927700]

I've been reading your stories since the beginning and let me at start off by saying your writing skills have been improving. I'm always hesitant to provide constructive criticism since I feel like my storys are average at best, but I feel the need to give you some objective criticisms with this particular story.

Again, just being as objective as possible, my first problem was with Tirah's attire. I never have a problem with a woman being in a bikini when she's sinking in quicksand, it's still my preferred look for women, as long as it makes some sense. There isn't very much depth to this story and I don't see any explanation as to why Tirah is driving around in Ireland only wearing a bikini. Does she prefer to only dress in bikinis? Is she going to the beach and didn't care to wear anything else? These details make for a better story.

Next was your inclusion of the protagonist peeing uncontrollably in the bog. If you have a fetish for woman urinating, that's fine. I'm not about to criticisize a harmless fetish just cause I have no interest in it, but there's no context for why Tirah suddenly starts peeing without any control, or even knowledge of it at first. Again, some further explanation beforehand would've helped make your story better.

Lastly was the rescue portion. I love a happy ending to a quicksand story, but you skipped over the rescue in the weirdest way. One second she felt solid ground, reassuring she won't drown, then she wakes up out of the bog. I assume by "Tirah woke," she fell asleep in the bog. My question is why? Was she waiting forever for rescue? Was it really late at night and she was already extremely tired? This was a very odd choice in writing because again, there is no detail as to why she's in the bog and awake one second, then the next she's waking up out of the bog thanks to the homeowner coming out to rescue her.

Again, just little things here and there to make it a better short story. It doesn't have to be the length of a novel to include enough detail to help the story flow. Keep writing, you've definitely been doing much better.

Alright, thanks to you, I've added in a bit that explains her going to sleep and a bit for why she wore a bikini.

As to the second thing you mentioned... I've read online in some places that relaxing too much can cause.... yeah...

But thanks for the reply, I do pay attention to them and edit my stories accordingly (starting now).

[Jon Smith]

I really like the use of lifejackets and waders in your stories.

[101927700]

I really like the use of lifejackets and waders in your stories.

Just you wait for my next story...