The Story of Rafdill Moor

[101927700]

The Story of Rafdill Moor

"Brr, it's cold up here! Good thing I brought my new jacket!" Alexus Fenn was walking across foggy Rafdill Moor as a shortcut while walking home sometime in the fall. There were signs posted around the perimeter of the moor warning people to beware of soft spots and quicksand, but Alexus thought that stuff was blasphemy. Then, the sun broke through the fog and shone on Alexus. She stopped to take a selfie.

When Alexus tried to walk forward, however, she found her rubber boots were unable to move. Looking down, Alexus was surprised to find her boots were half sunk in the mud. "Oh, for fuck's sake! Stupid mud! I already had enough mud at the Blasto music festival this weekend!" Alexus said, annoyed. She tried to pull her left boot out, but it was stuck fast, held down by suction. She tried the other boot, but to no avail.

"Well, isn't this just fun..." Alexus muttered to herself as she tried to pull her boots out. But it was no use. The mud had some mysterious force in it that trapped anything unfortunate enough to fall in it... at least, that's what it seemed. Alexus then realized that the only way to escape was to leave her boots in the mud. But, just as she was about to start taking her left foot out of her boot, the mud suddenly flowed into them, as they had gone too deep. "Oh shit, what do I do now? My legs are trapped in this sticky mess! I guess I should try to call on my phone for help now," said Alexus. She dialed 999, but just as she was about to tell the operator she needed help, her phone's signal suddenly cut out. "OH COME ON!" Alexus said angrily. "Help... so near and yet so far."

After she put her phone away, Alexus found, to her horror, that the mud had reached her thighs during the attempted emergency call. "Uh oh... I'm in deep shit now. Maybe my phone's signal has returned..." Alexus checked her phone. "Nope. Well that's just terrible. Seriously, Rafdill needs to put up a new cell tower! Or maybe the Scottish highlands have really shit phone service," Alexus said, the irritation clear in her voice, putting her phone back in her breast pocket. She felt something shift in the mud, and she sank to her hips. The bog seeped into Alexus's underwear and around her woman area, producing an odd sensation. Now she was starting to get scared. "I have no clue how I can get out... unless..." Alexus put her hands on the mud's surface and pushed, but they only sank in, and so she quickly pulled them out before they got stuck. She tried kicking her legs, but that only made her sink to her waist.

"Really? I thought doing that would help me out of the mud, not drive me further down! At least, if swim class last year taught me correctly!" Alexus said, confused and scared at the same time. Then, Alexus had an idea that she had no idea why she'd not thought of it earlier. She screamed, "HELP ME!" as loudly as she could. However, it seemed like the bog absorbed most of the sound, as she heard no echo. I'm 18, and yet I can't escape from a little bog? That says a lot about the suction of this mud, Alexus thought. Then, she felt her boots hit solid ground. Oh, thank the universe! I was sure I was dead! Now I'll just try to wait for the fog to clear or my phone's signal returning, Alexus thought, a glimmer of hope entering her mind. However, a few seconds later, the ledge under Alexus's boots suddenly broke, and the mud farted as the young girl sank to her waist, getting her jacket and shirt muddy.

No... That was my only lifeline! Oh well, I can probably find another one before I submerge... at least, I hope, Alexus thought, the glimmer of hope quickly disappearing. "HELP! I'M SINKING!" Alexus screamed again, hoping someone would hear her. She thought she heard a reply, but she wasn't sure. Checking her phone one more time, phone service was back, but only one bar; not enough to reach 999 in time. Alexus put her phone back in her pocket. She tried pulling on the moor's surface around her, but that only made the bog quake, making Alexus sink to her breasts. "At least my boobs are big enough to help me float..." Alexus said.

Then, the figure of a girl emerged from the fog to her right. The girl was wearing rubber riding boots. "I heard your call for help, young woman. I can see why. My name's Hope Chaldi," she said. "Ok, just get me out... please..." Alexus replied. The two girls locked hands. Hope started to lean back. The suction of the muck was strong, but soon, Alexus was back to just her waist in mud. Hope then wrapped her arms around Alexus's waist, and pulled with all her might. With a loud sucking sound, the sucking black bog mud finally relinquished its grip on Alexus, clearly not happy to lose its prey. A few seconds later, Alexus was free of the mud. "Now, you should probably follow me back to solid ground; then you can get back on your way," Hope said. "Yeah, since I don't want to repeat what just happened 30 times," replied Alexus. Once the two were back on solid ground, Alexus went home and washed off. The news story that night: Hope rescuing Alexus from the mud. The end.

I'm trying to put an end to the carbon-copy era of my writing. I believe that this story is a step in the right direction. Also, I'm trying to move away from including pee or poop in my stories; though sometimes old habits never completely fade, that particular one probably will.
Thanks for reading, 101927700.

[Jon Smith]

Great story.
This may be a weird question, what material was her jacket? Nylon?

[101927700]

Great story.
This may be a weird question, what material was her jacket? Nylon?

Yeah, it is. Editing the story to include that info.

[Viridian]

Great story.
This may be a weird question, what material was her jacket? Nylon?

Yeah, it is. Editing the story to include that info.

Please, no. Don't do this. It's such a trivial piece of information that it doesn't even matter. Not only that, now the monologue sounds stupid. Who the hell says "Oh no, my new nylon jacket is ruined!" out loud? Are characters now going to say "Jeepers! My three-quarter length cotton capri pants manufactured in China got dirty!" What if I wanted her to have a denim or leather jacket instead?

If you want to make a character wear something specific, you do that. Don't bow down to random suggestions about things that don't actually matter.

[101927700]

Great story.
This may be a weird question, what material was her jacket? Nylon?

Yeah, it is. Editing the story to include that info.

Please, no. Don't do this. It's such a trivial piece of information that it doesn't even matter. Not only that, now the monologue sounds stupid. Who the hell says "Oh no, my new nylon jacket is ruined!" out loud? Are characters now going to say "Jeepers! My three-quarter length cotton capri pants manufactured in China got dirty!" What if I wanted her to have a denim or leather jacket instead?

If you want to make a character wear something specific, you do that. Don't bow down to random suggestions about things that don't actually matter.

Alright, looking at that line, it does seem silly. Line shortened.

[Jon Smith]

Sorry about that.
It wasn't really a suggestion, just something I was wondering about.