Rock Solid Mire (part 1)

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Jon Smith
Posts: 224
Joined: Wed Apr 29, 2015 1:56 am
Location: Stuck armpit deep in a sucking mire

Rock Solid Mire (part 1)

Postby Jon Smith » Tue Nov 17, 2015 9:09 am

This is my first attempt at writing a sinking story, which if you think I suck at writing, I don't blame you. I'm not very good at it. I would like some input for part 2 (not criticism for part 1), which I intend to include some drama and intense rescue action. I used randomly chosen names. Also, I may be editing this post a few times.

This is a story about two guys who get involved with some dangerous mire, they aren't the brightest of folks and they are quite oblivious.

Steve was hitchhiking in the rain, with a rainsuit and a large backpack. David gives him a ride.
“Hey man where you headed?”
“To the nearest city.”
“Hop in man.”
“My name is Steve, what's your name?”
“I'm David.”
A good hour passes, the two chitchatting.
“We're almost there...”
“The traffic is shit today, what happened?”
David turns on the radio for a few minutes and listens, then turns it back off again.
“Apparently part of a bridge collapsed a few miles up ahead man. If we sit in this traffic we ain't going nowhere.”
“Do you want me to get out here?”
“Nah man, you can keep riding. Here we'll take this exit right here.”
*phone rings...*
“Shit. That's probably my girlfriend. She's gonna bitch at me. I can't answer that.”
*phone rings again...*
*and again...*
“Hey man could you turn my phone off?”
Some time passes... They stop the car and walk in the rain. Beneath the bridge is a vast lake of mud, which it's flat surface appears solid. Debris from the bridge sinks very slowly in the middle. A van lay wrecked on a large piece of debris. A girl stands there screaming for help because she doesn't have her phone to call 911. But there are a couple people who are in worse trouble than she is, one of whom is drunk out of their mind, and the other passed out from shock. Steve and David did not know this.
“What a disaster. That girl needs some help, and fast. But how?”
Steve throws a rock at the mud. It hits the surface as if it were solid concrete.
“I suppose I'll walk across.”
“Be careful man.”
Steve makes it 10 yards out. David says something towards him, Steve stops and turns around to hear him better, and his boots suddenly sink in a couple millimeters. He is then completely stuck and unable to move his feet. He can't step out of his boots because they are attached to his rainsuit.
“David! I need you to get my bag out of the car! There is a rope in there and I'm stuck!” Steve shouts. The car is parked 2 miles away.
David hurries to the car and comes back with Steve's bag an hour later.
Meanwhile, Steve is still sinking. The mud climbs past the tops of his boots and grips his legs extremely tightly. His legs completely unable to move as if in dry cement. The mud continues to climb his rainsuit very slowly.
By the time David comes back, Steve has sunken to his hips.
Steve shouts for David to toss the rope and the life jacket to him. Steve puts on his lifejacket and ties the rope around his lifejacket through the straps. David attempts to pull as hard as he can, but it didn't budge. He ties the rope to the tree but leaves too much slack.
David leaves again, and comes back about half an hour later with his car. While Steve sinks to his armpits. David ties the rope to the spoiler, gets in the car, and tries to pull him clean out of the mud. RPM redline and no avail. It only resulted in tire tracks. They couldn't even gain a millimeter, Steve's body was hopelessly locked in the mud.
“Damn that is some tough quicksand. I still can't get you out. Got any ideas man?”
“Yeah. Call 911. Me and this girl need help. Hurry.”

To be continued... :twisted:

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