A Sunny Day

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AliasSpeck
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Joined: Thu Dec 03, 2015 8:04 am

A Sunny Day

Postby AliasSpeck » Fri Dec 25, 2015 7:06 am

Hi all! This is my first quicksand story. I'm not a writer, and since this is my first story, I would love some constructive criticism. Enjoy! Oh, and I'd like to hear your opinion of the tags before the story. Is it a good thing to know what you're getting into, or is it just a spoiler and you'd rather find out the ending yourself?

A Sunny Day -- AliasSpeck

[F/F] [Mud] [Grim]

It was a beautiful day out. No breeze, the air was clean, and the sun was warm, which made it a perfect day to got out for a run. Rachel stood inside her condo just by the door slipping on her running shoes with a small smile on her face. It was the first good day since spring started, and she'd been itching to get out and get some exercise. All the rain in the past few weeks had made everything soggy, and when she tried to get out it was never enjoyable. But today she planned to take full advantage of the excellent weather.

As she stood up wiggling her foot into her shoe, she caught a glimpse of herself in the tall mirror on the door. With her red sports bra matching her short red hair and running shorts showing off her petite, but well-toned body, her smile grew a bit. "I guess hard work does pay off," she thought to herself, turning a bit to get a better view of her slim waist and smooth yet strong legs. She would be turning heads on her run today, that was for sure. Just then her phone buzzed loudly on the little table next to the door snapping Rachel out of her daydreaming. She glanced at the screen and saw it was her friend Melissa. She scooped up the phone and answered.

"Hey Melly, what's up?" Rachel asked.

"What in tarnation is takin' ya so long?!" a voice that was definitely not Melissa's yelled through the speaker. "Y'all said you'd be out here ten minutes ago!"

"Ashely?" Rachel asked. "What are you doing with Melissa's phone?"

"Ah happened to run into her waitin' for you to get yer lazy butt over here!" Ashley said with that distinctive southern twang.

"Oh keep your pants on cowgirl, I was just walking out the door," Rachel retorted.

"Well wouldya hurry it up?" Ashley responded, and then promptly hung up.

"Sheesh. She's so impatient," Rachel said out loud setting the phone down on the table. She thought for a moment that she might want to bring it along, but seeing as how there weren't any pockets on her shorts and she didn't feel like stuffing her phone down her bra, she decided against it. Grabbing her keys, she slipped out the door into the warm spring air. It was delightful to feel the almost hot rays of the sun beat down on her skin. Rachel stood there for a moment just enjoying the feeling of the sun warming her body. Then, not wanting to waste another moment, she locked the door, snapped her keys to her waistband and started running toward the meeting spot. It was only 3 blocks away, but she was already late and she couldn't let Ashley see her casually strolling to their meeting place.

"Finally!" Ashley exclaimed as Rachel approached. "Y'all took yer sweet time."

"Oh give it a rest!" Rachel said, stopping a few feet from her. Ashely stood a good six inches taller than Rachel, slightly bronzed skin with brilliant green eyes in the center of her freckled face. Coupled with her straight blond hair tied up in a simple ponytail and not a speck of flab to her, she definitely looked like she'd spent her life on a farm. Which of course she had, but seeing that figure reminded Rachel that she was always at a disadvantage with Ashely in terms of looks. Her daily chores were a workout in itself, and Rachel had to try hard to keep up.

"Whew, you already sweatin' Rae? If I didn't know better, I'd say you're out of shape with these few weeks cooped up inside." Ashely teased with a smirk on her face.

"Oh yeah? What's with that flab on your stomach? I bet you'll peter out half way through our run today." Rachel retorted, crossing her arms.

"Ha! The only weight I've gained is muscle," Ashley replied, curling her arm like a body builder showing off their biceps.

Neither of them said a word for a long couple of seconds, but it became harder and harder to hold back their smiles, and soon they both burst out laughing. The two of them were always at odds with each other, and it had become a sort of formalism between them to tease each other like this. They bounced off each others' pride and it made them try even harder to be better than the other. It was the perfect type of friendship for these two.

Having stopped laughing, Ashley regained her composure. "Well then Rae, lets get goin'!" she said enthusiastically. Rachel just smiled a devilish smile knowing that their unspoken competition was about to begin, and she took off running with Ashley right there beside her. They had planned a pretty long run that would take them outside the city to Ashley's home, and from there they would circle through a rather secluded woody area and come back to the house. The forest was so far out of the way that nobody ever seemed to go there, which made it perfect to go for a nice quiet run. The whole path was at least 15k, and both the girls knew that they had a long couple of hours of running ahead of them. Of course neither of them said a word to each other for fear of wasting precious energy that might make them tire out before the other. It was a silent agreement: whoever tired out first loses.

Of course, running such a long distance without stopping would make even the most rigorous of athletes tired, and upon reaching the long driveway that led to Ashley's ranch, the two wordlessly stopped to catch their breath. All that filled the air was the sound of their panting. The sun had proven to be warmer than they expected, and despite how cool the air was before, it was now almost uncomfortably hot. Both girls were drenched in sweat, and even though neither of them said anything, they both knew they needed to rest a bit. Rachel, remembering her training regimen, started to stretch while they both caught their breath. Sitting down, she spread her legs into a 'V' shape and laid her torso along one leg, stretching her hamstrings. She held this position for about ten seconds before slowly sitting up and moving to the other leg, however something caught her eye as she moved to the other leg. It looked like Ashley was staring at her. Like, more than just a casual glance. Again slowly sitting up, she looked over to Ashley out of the corner of her eye and confirmed that Ashley's gaze was indeed fixed on Rachel's body.

Ashley quickly looked away, but Rachel knew what she saw. "You checking me out over there Ashely?" Rachel coyly inquired.

"Hmf, you wish darlin'," she quipped as she turned away, but Rachel could swear she saw Ashley's face a very nice shade of pink.

I wonder what that's about, Rachel thought to herself. Ashley can't be into me, can she?

She thought about that for a second. They've known each other for a good couple of years now, but she never really noticed Ashley trying to hit on her or take their friendship farther than it was. Memories from the past few years all came back to Rachel as she tried to figure out if she'd been missing signs that Ashley liked her for all this time. Objectively, it was definitely a possibility given the context.

No wait, what am I thinking? Rachel thought. We butt heads all the time trying to prove which of us is better. There's no way Ashley likes me like that. She's probably just hot from the sun. Wow I'm thinking about this way too much....

"Hey, are you gonna sit there all day or are we gonna get goin'?" Ashley piped up, for the second time that day snapping Rachel out of her daydreaming.

Rachel blinked, a little caught off-guard, but quickly regained her composure and put on the same devilish smile that she had when they started and popped back up onto her feet. "Heck no. Lets do this," Rachel said with an air of determination, and she took off toward the forest again with Ashley keeping pace.

It was a pleasant change to get out of the direct heat of the sun and into the cooler air that seemed to stay trapped under the trees. Unfortunately the pleasant shade from the trees also meant that with all the recent rains the dirt path hadn't dried up. It was slippery as all hell, and instead of steady footfalls, the sound of squishing mud filled the air. It was more than a little annoying. Running shoes aren't treaded like hiking shoes, and both girls found it hard to get traction on the slippery path. On one particular step, Rachel's shoe slid out from under her, but luckily she was able to recover and keep going.

"Ugh, this sucks!" Rachel exclaimed between pants.

Instead of a teasing retort, Ashley responded with a simple "Mmhm," but she kept going without breaking stride. Rachel quickly realized that with all her time on the farm, Ashley must be used to working in muddy conditions. Her, on the other hand, lived in a city where cement covered everything. The streets would never be this slippery so long after a rain, which gave Ashley a distinct advantage in this neck of the race. Rachel even noticed Ashley pulling ahead slightly, mainly due to how she was having to take more careful steps to avoid slipping out again.

Not content with losing ground, Rachel planned on using the upcoming bend to pull ahead, and she positioned herself to take the inside of the curve. She'd have to be careful though; there was a dropoff on that side of the path, and she could very easily slip off. As they entered the curve, Rachel put a little more power into her step, but as soon as she pushed off the ground, her foot slipped throwing her irrecoverably off balance. Her feet slid sideways and she started falling forward. To avoid a face full of mud, Rachel grabbed onto the only thing she could: Ashley. Landing a lucky snag on Ashley's arm, she pulled hard to try and stabilize herself, but all this succeeded in doing was to drag Ashley down with her. A cry of surprise was all Ashley could utter before the two of them went down over the dropoff.

It wasn't more than 10 feet to the bottom, but the steep wall that joined up to the trail coupled with the slippery mud gave the girls no help whatsoever in stopping their fall. Rachel had gone over first, but since she had Ashley as a temporary anchor point, she actually rolled over the edge with her feet pointing downwards, and was able to take several frantic steps as the ground leveled out before finally tripping and landed squarely in the middle of the little alcove they had fallen into. Ashely, on the other hand, wasn't so lucky. She had gone over head first, and while she was able to absorb some of the impact by rolling, she still got the wind knocked out of her when she landed.

Rachel shook her head and tried to sit up, only to find her arms buried deep in the mud she was on top of. Past the elbow. It was so much of a shock to her that she just sat there, staring at the ground beneath her a mere six inches below her face. Pulling on one arm didn't really get her anywhere, so she brought her right leg forward prepared to basically stand up, prying her arms out of the mire in the process. "Unh!" she groaned as her very exhausted muscles complained while she wrenched her arms from the goo that was ensnaring her. Finally, it worked, and both her arms came free, but at the same time her right leg slid into the mud almost to the knee.

"What in the HELL was that Rachel?!" Ashley suddenly yelled, apparently having recovered from her fall. Rachel did her best to turn around with one leg stuck in the ground to see a very muddy and very angry looking friend of hers standing at the base of the slope, a few feet away from her.

"I... I'm sorry. I slipped," Rachel began.

"And y'all decided it was fine to use me as a cushion??" Ashley yelled at her. "For Pete's sake I could have broken my neck fallin' down here!"

"Look, I'm sorry alright! I was just--" Rachel tried to say, but Ashely cut her off.

"I don't care what you have to say!" she continued to yell. "My outfit is ruined, my head's spinnin', and I look disgusting!" Rachel just sat there, taking the heat from her friend's outpouring of despise for this situation. "I'm done with this! I'm goin' home to wash all this off. I'll see you later Rachel," she spat, and proceeded to turn around and climb up the incline back to the path.

Letting out a sigh, and feeling pretty bad about this whole situation, Rachel began trying to get her now buried leg out of the mud. Without really thinking about it, she brought her left leg forward and pushed down hard as if stepping out of the mud, only to drive her left leg down into the mud to her knees. "Ugh!" she exclaimed in distaste as she tried this time to instead lean back and lift her legs out using her arms as support. Her muscles burned, and she should feel her hands start pushing into the muck, so she quickly gave up and sat there for a minute trying to catch her breath.

A growl of frustration caught Rachel's attention, and she looked up to see Ashley sliding back down the steep slope toward the mud pit. Apparently the ground was too slippery to allow any form of traction, and too steep to let them climb out. It was then that Rachel looked around and noticed something somewhat unsettling. There was the same steep wall surrounding the entire pit she was at the center of. It was almost like the ground in this spot had caved in with all the rain. The word "sinkhole" came to her mind, which further increased her sense of unease.

Suddenly, Rachel felt herself slide another inch into the mud. She looked down and she came to a startling realization: the mud was now above her knees, and she noticed it slowly rising up her thighs. With a growing sense of panic in her gut, she hurriedly tried to lift her right leg out of the morass only to feel her left leg slide a little further down. As a reflex she immediately tried to lift her left leg back out only to drive her right leg deeper. Freezing for a moment, transfixed on the sight before her, she felt the cool muck continue to slowly slide up her thighs. Her running shorts were almost brushing the surface of the mud.

"Rachel! I said gimme a push!" Ashley yelled back still trying to reach the root she was aiming for.

"Ashley! I think I'm sinking!" Rachel blurted out not looking up.

Ashley turned to look at her friend to see that she was indeed buried much deeper than she had been a minute ago.

"Consarn it," Ashley muttered under her breath. "Look, just don't move okay?"

"I'm not!" Rachel exclaimed. "I'm still getting deeper!" she yelled with a twinge of fear in her voice as her shorts began to get coated in the mire.

"Well give me a boost to this dang root and I'll pull us both out!" Ashley said exhaustedly.

Rachel looked up at Ashley, and for the first time since they've met, Ashley saw fear in Rachel's eyes. "Give you a boost?! I'll just push myself deeper! I'll never be able to get out of here! And what after you grab the root? You can't reach me from up there! I --"

"Rachel," Ashley said, cutting off her panicked rambling. "Yer gonna be fine. I'll get out, grab a stick or somethin' and pull you out no problem. Y'all think this is the first time I've pulled somethin' out of a deep mud pit?" she asked with a confident tone. This seemed to placate Rachel for the moment, and after a moment of silence, Rachel said softly, "okay."

"It'll be all right," Ashley reassured. She then turned around and started reaching for the root. "Now push!"

Rachel's heart was beating fast. Here she was, sinking into a pit of mud so far in that the ooze was already ruining her shorts, and she was just asked to force herself deeper to get her friend out. Rachel gulped loudly, and put her hands on Ashley's wonderful derrière.

Wait, where did that come from? Wonderful?

Rachel then began pushing hard, and instantly she felt her body begin slipping rapidly down into the muddy pit.

Oh Jesus, Rachel thought to herself as she felt her body get pushed deeper into the wet mud. She was really getting worried about how easily her hips were now slipping into the mud. She was even getting butterflies in her stomach, and she was never the type to be nervous enough to get butterflies. Ever. So shy was she so worried? The rational part of her mind told her that worst case scenario she would get stuck, Ashley would go get help, and everything would be fine, but still her heart was beating faster than she had ever experienced.

"Just a little more, Rachel!" Ashley exclaimed. Rachel adjusted her grip on Ashley's buttocks, and gave one last hard push. What happened next was a surprise to say the least. This last shove forced Rachel quickly past her waist in the mud and she let out a loud gasp. The cool muck very abruptly pressed intimately against her womanhood, and for a moment she was at a complete loss for words. She didn't even hear Ashley exclaiming that she got a hold of the root. She looked down incredulously at her half-submerged body and wiggled her hips a bit in her confinement. The sensation was immediate. Every bit of her submerged flesh felt the firm yet soft feeling of the mud sliding over it. It was... Wonderful. As she shifted in place, the slight movements created a constantly shifting pressure on her womanhood which was unlike anything she'd ever experienced. She was so enthralled with these newfound feelings, that she didn't even pay any mind to the fact that her motions were causing her to steadily continue sinking into the mud.

Suddenly, a loud cry jolted her out of her trance and she looked up just in time to see Ashley sliding back down the incline. At more of an awkward angle than before, Ashley took a big step backwards to avoid falling completely over, and her back leg plunged deep into the mud.

"OH COME ON!" Ashley yelled.

"What happened?" asked Rachel, to which Ashley replied by holding up the root she had been holding on to.

"I'LL TELL Y'ALL WHAT HAPPENED" she raged. "THE DARN GROUND IS SO FLIPPIN' SOGGY THAT THIS HERE ROOT JUST PULLED ITSELF RIGHT OUT OF THE GOSHDARN GROUND!"

Rachel was impressed by her well-mannered tongue despite the situation, but she quickly realized that now with both of them stuck like this, they were in serious trouble.

"Oh landsnakes Rachel..." Ashley said in disbelief looking at Rachel. Rachel looked down to realize that she was up to her lower ribs in the muck. She hadn't even noticed how deep she had sunk in the past few minutes. "Okay Rachel listen, I've still got a leg out here, so I can probably pull you up a bit and we can work on getting out of this together, okay?"

At this, Rachel looked up and met Ashley's eyes... Those beautiful green eyes... "Um, Ashley? I'm really deep. I don't know if you can get me out by yourself."

"We have ta try!" Ashley exclaimed. "Y'all are gettin' deeper by the minute, and I'm not just gonna sit here while you get hopelessly stuck!" Rachel made no mention of the fact that her opinion about being stuck in the mud had swung around 180 degrees...

"Look, Ashley. I'm not going to sink under. This isn't like the movies; you float at some depth, so why don't --"

"Not with this stuff you don't" Ashley interrupted. "I've seen whole cows sink all the way under in some of the mudholes around here."

That last statement caught Rachel's attention. Sink all the way under? Just the thought of that gave her those butterflies again. Why was she really getting excited at the prospect of sinking completely under the surface? Suffocating underneath the mud? No... That's crazy. No one wants to die. And yet... Why is that image of her sinking under completely such a turn on?

Turn on?... Rachel thought to herself. Am I really turned on by all of this?

Just as all those thoughts were flying through her head, Ashley extended her muddy hand toward Rachel and said, "Grab on."

Not feeling like she had much choice in the matter, Rachel reached out and grabbed her hand and Ashley slowly began to pull using her semi-solid leg as an anchor. Instantly, Rachel felt the smooth mud sliding over her skin and those fiery feelings in her womanhood returned. She let out a soft moan that Ashley must have missed because she kept on pulling without a word. As Ashley pulled, she let out a series of grunts and groans that only served to fuel the fire of Rachel's passion. Almost unconsciously, Rachel took her other hand and slowly slid it into the mud, inching down her belly.

What am I doing? She thought to herself. This is so -- "nngh! " she groaned as her breasts brushed the surface of the mud. Since Ashley was pulling at such an angle, it was actually helping to re-coat all of Rachel's front with the cool mud. Suddenly, Ashley's grip on Rachel slipped and she too fell forward, coating her front with mud as well. Panting heavily, Ashley lay there just resting. It was at this point that Rachel noticed that the leg that was above the surface was now gone. Ashley was stuck up to her waist, her running shorts nowhere to be seen.

Feeling the need to right herself, Rachel started to pull her body upright. It wasn't easy, and all she really succeeded doing was to shove more of her body down into the mud. It dawned on her that perhaps she was purposefully forcing herself deeper just to feel the lovely caress of the mud on her body. After some wiggling around, she finally got to a mainly vertical stance, but she was now buried up to her breasts with one arm stuck below the surface. Ashley slowly turned around, the mud making it very difficult, and in the process she slipped another couple inches into the mud. Rachel could see her face for the first time in a while. She was crying.

Tears were streaming down Ashley's face, and Rachel had never seen Ashley shed tears in all the time that she'd known her. She never was one to show vulnerability like that... "I'm sorry Rachel!... I couldn't get us out of this mess. I really tried..." She trailed off looking down.

"Come here." Rachel said softly and extended the only arm that still remained above the surface. Ashley simply took it without a word and they pulled each other close. The mud resisted, and in the process they both sank another couple inches. As the mud rose over Rachel's hard nipples, she let out another moan that was probably a little louder than it needed to be. She knew Ashley heard her, but that didn't really bother her. As their bodies touched, however, Rachel could feel Ashley's hard nipples through her sports bra. She was a little lower in the mud than Ashley though, so she was basically planting her face into her cleavage, but a hug was a hug. She was a little surprised, however, that Ashley was aroused just like she was. That's when Ashley reached in and planted a deep kiss on Rachel's lips.

"Mmfph!" Rachel said, her words muffled by Ashley's lips. She wasn't sure how she should react, but as soon as the kiss started, Ashley drew away with a look of panic on her face.

"Oh... Uh, um... A.. I'm sorry." Ashley stammered. "I don't know what came over --" She was cut off as Rachel pulled her face in and kissed her right back. Their lips met and Rachel wasted no time pushing her tongue into Ashley's mouth, exploring her friend like she never had before. Her free hand started to wander down Ashley's shoulder until it came to rest on one of her breasts which she began massaging. At the same time, Rachel started to rock her body back and forth in the mud creating the wonderful sensation of muddy bliss all over her body.

"Mmmm" she moaned into Ashley's mouth as her arousal started to take over, but Ashley broke the kiss and pulled back a bit, her face in utter shock. Here they were, buried up to their chests in a thick mud hole, slowly sinking, and the girl she just had a crush on for a while now just kissed her back?

"R.. Rachel... I don't understand. You..." She stopped because what Ashley saw in the face of her friend was unlike anything she had seen before. Her face was flushed, her eyes lidded, and her lips were parted slightly with her heavy breathing. She looked incredibly sexy.

"I don't know Ashley. I'm just feeling, pretty hot right now you know?" Rachel said bluntly. "I think it's the mud. It's so smoooooth." She let that last word ease out of her mouth in a very seductive tone. Ashley blinked, seemingly disbelieving of what she just said. A flash of annoyance crossed Rachel's mind. She knew Ashley was turned on, but she apparently didn't want to admit it. Feeling a bit bold (and reckless), Rachel slowly slid her arm around Ashley's shoulders, and quickly pulled down hard as if trying to use her friend as a life-preserver. Of course Rachel knew she wasn't going anywhere, but she wanted Ashley to feel how pleasurable the mud could be. Surprisingly Rachel did lift out of the mud just a bit, but Ashley definitely slid down farther than Rachel was pulled up.

Ashley let out a sharp "ah!" as she slid down through the muck, and that little noise was music to Rachel's ears. A look of pleasure spread over Ashley's face, and oh was that such a turn on to Rachel. They were now on the same level with each other with the mud gently cupping their breasts, and so Rachel reached in again and, this time more forcefully, met Ashley's lips and pulled their bodies in close in a heated expression of her arousal. This time, Ashley didn't fight back or try to pull away. She eagerly returned the kiss with as much if not more vigor than Rachel herself.

Once again, Rachel started rocking her body rhythmically, and this time Ashley joined in. The two girls moaned into each other's mouths as their slow but rhythmic body movements stimulated every submerged part of their bodies. Neither of them even paid attention to how the mud was steadily rising up their bodies. "Oh..." Ashley moaned into Rachel's mouth as the mud crept past her hard nipples, and neither of them showed any signs of caring. They both happily slid back and forth with each other in the mud. Soon enough, their breasts were completely submerged, and the only thing remaining above the surface was their shoulders. After a bit of their passionate kissing, the two slowly broke away and Rachel decided to kick things up a notch. Her free hand slipped under the mud's surface to Ashley's breasts where she pushed her hand under her sports bra and began massaging the soft skin directly. At this point, Rachel was vaguely aware that she just trapped herself in this mudhole with both arms now stuck beneath the surface, but her arousal quickly suppressed those thoughts.

"Oh Rachel," Ashley moaned. "This is....Mmmm. Am Ah dreamin'?"

"Uh uh," Rachel replied drowsily, happily rocking her body away in time with Ashley's. Just then, Rachel felt a hand sliding down her stomach towards her shorts. Her eyes went wide and a big smile crept across her face. Without a word, Rachel took her arm that had been pinned below the surface for a while now and started sluggishly moving towards Ashley's shorts. It was a struggle, but they finally managed to slide their hands into each other's panties. Instantly Rachel threw her head back and let out a cry of passion as Ashley's fingers began to work their magic on her womanhood, and somewhere in the back of her mind she felt the back of her head press firmly against the surface of the mud.

"Oh Ashley, we're -- ah -- so deep. Mmmm. We're gonna..." Ashley leaned in and locked lips with Rachel once again, silencing her, and at the same time she doubled her efforts on Rachel's womanhood down below. Rachel squeezed her eyes shut as the sudden increase of pleasure consumed her thoughts, and oh Ashley had waited far too long to see that look of contorted pleasure across Rachel's face. Rachel also sped up her fingering as their body rocking became more urgent, speeding up their decent. By now their chins were resting on the surface of the mud, but they showed no signs of stopping their passionate expression of love for each other. They didn't even break their kiss.

Suddenly and without warning, the mire overtook their locked mouths. Rachel's eyes flew open to see Ashley's brilliant green eyes staring back at hers. There was one thing that those eyes said to Rachel: I love you. And Rachel loved her back. She wish she could tell her in their final moments together, but their eyes said enough. They loved each other. There was nowhere else in the world either of them would rather be right now. And with that thought, the mire sealed their noses. Both of them redoubled their efforts down below as they could feel their climaxes coming, keeping their eyes locked on each other the whole time. Steadily, the mire crept up their faces, not caring whether these two loved each other or not. It was just happy to have a nice big meal.

Finally their eyes succumbed to the mire and filled their ears. The only thing they could now feel was each other's slick bodies sliding feverishly through the mud and their monstrous orgasms that were about to explode. They were both starving for a breath, and just as the delirious asphyxia was taking over, Ashley screamed the last of her breath into Rachel's mouth. This pushed Rachel over the edge and she too let out a scream as the most powerful orgasm she had ever experienced rocked through her body. Deep below the surface, their bodies thrashed and bucked seemingly of their own accord as passion and pleasure jolted through their bodies, forcing themselves ever deeper and deeper into the deep, thick mud. Slowly their foreheads sank into the surface until nothing remained but some hair floating on the quivering surface.

Their movements became slower as the pleasure and their consciousnesses faded, but even buried so far under the muddy surface with no chance of air, Rachel and Ashley held on to each other, happy. Above the surface, the last of Ashley's long blond hair slowly slipped below the surface, and all that was left to mark their final moments was a small indentation in the muddy surface that would smooth over with the next rain.
Have you seen my lemons? I want my lemons...

User avatar
DJlurker
Posts: 1468
Joined: Sun Apr 19, 2009 6:29 pm

Re: A Sunny Day

Postby DJlurker » Fri Dec 25, 2015 8:16 pm

I don't mind the tags. But is this really your first story?! It's a heck of a lot better than my first story... or at least a lot longer. :o :D

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IxelFate
Posts: 57
Joined: Sun Dec 20, 2015 7:47 pm
Location: Down the Rabbit Hole.

Re: A Sunny Day

Postby IxelFate » Fri Dec 25, 2015 8:46 pm

This was very enjoyable and pleasurable to read. A great attention to detail and a lovely buildup of the story. Excellent job.

AliasSpeck
Posts: 5
Joined: Thu Dec 03, 2015 8:04 am

Re: A Sunny Day

Postby AliasSpeck » Sun Dec 27, 2015 8:25 am

Wow thanks everyone! Yes, this is my first story that I haven't deleted after a couple failed iterations. Maybe I'll stop deleting them so I can get some more feedback...
Have you seen my lemons? I want my lemons...

Stephymink
Posts: 177
Joined: Wed Apr 15, 2009 12:41 pm

Re: A Sunny Day

Postby Stephymink » Sun Dec 27, 2015 4:00 pm

The tags are fine. This was a great first story! Thanks for posting it!

Viridian
Posts: 1587
Joined: Wed Apr 15, 2009 10:03 am

Re: A Sunny Day

Postby Viridian » Sun Dec 27, 2015 5:50 pm

This was a lot of fun to read, and to be honest, I miss reading stories like these. The setup is simple but authentic, the characters have personality, and you make them interact well. The descriptions of the scene add just enough tease to the story to make it fun, and the pace was easy to follow and visualise. If this is the standard of your writing, I certainly look forward to seeing more from you.
Viridian @ deviantART: http://viridianqs.deviantart.com/

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Chimerix
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Re: A Sunny Day

Postby Chimerix » Mon Dec 28, 2015 7:51 pm

That was some mighty fine readin'!
The difference between theory and reality is that, in theory, there is no difference between theory and reality.


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