First Time Writer - The Excursion

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Southern64
Posts: 2
Joined: Fri Sep 02, 2016 1:40 pm

First Time Writer - The Excursion

Postby Southern64 » Tue Mar 21, 2017 7:45 am

Hey all. This is my first time writing anything finished. Figured I'd see what y'all think of it. Let me know. Thanks!

--

Bonnie walked out to the river, her skirt gently moving with the breeze that her brisk walk created. She knew this place, and was perfectly willing to travel here over, and over again. But one day, she feared, she may come here permanently.

It was two weeks after her twenty second birthday. Her boyfriend, Johnathan, was going through hard times of his own. He had lost his job (through no fault of his own, or so he told Bonnie) and was struggling to get back on his feet. Their relationship together was young, as were they, and the weight of it all caused them to split just a week before her twenty second trip around the sun began.

Bonnie needed a break. Though she was fine, the creeping thoughts of the sudden loss of a fledgling relationship were taking a toll on her. She felt like she had been in and out of far too many relationships as of recent times, and she contemplated that it may be time to take a break from the love life for a while. But she had a secret. It was something that she found to be so unusual, so weird, that she never told even her closest of lovers.

Fetishes were always taboo in her mind. While getting a little adventurous in the bedroom was never something she turned her head away to, she never let the full scope of her sexual interests show, partly because her sexual interests were so far reached that she believed nobody would take her seriously. Bonnie had a need, and that need was only satisfied by succumbing to the muddy embankments along the riverside.

Quicksand, she thought, had to be the weirdest thing out there. But ever since some close experiences as a younger girl attracted her interest, what started as a fun way to let off some steam turned into something that she craved. Quicksand was her most consistent and passionate lover.

She walked down to the riverside, as she often did on Friday evenings. Her flip - flops, cheap and expendable, we're being tugged at with ever step, as if the ground below her was asking for her. She was determined to try a new spot that the recent drought revealed. Usually covered by enough water to warrant avoiding, this small pool nearby the river was now a hungry pit.

The mud began to consume her shoes. Every step became a harder pull down, and the mud was creeping up her heels. Eventually, she satisfied the ground below her by letting it suck the flip flops right off of her. Now barefoot for the foreseeable future, she enjoyed the smooth sensation of warm summer mud between her toes.

It wasn't but two minutes after she left her shoes behind her that she reached the spot. She placed down her towel, and removed her button down shirt to reveal a tank top, much better suited for her excursion. She wasted no time, and placed her feet into the muddy pool. She immediately began to slide to her calves. As she prepared to take another step, she could feel the quicksand greedily tugging on her toes, as if it were holding on. She took one large step into the center of the pool, and sank to her knee. Swinging her other foot over, she pressed herself into the mud.

It was there that she noticed something vastly different about this spot. The pressure on her legs was unlike anything she had ever experienced. She was in a tight spot, and was unsure if she would be able to get out. She attempted to get out of the bog, only for a moment, to test her ability to do so. She leaned back, and squirmed her legs some in an effort to escape. But it only caused her to sink past her calves. Usually, such a sensation is welcome, but today, fear was first on her mind.

It was as if the mud had a hold on her ankles. Her bare feet felt no bottom, no resistance, but only pressure. She was sinking, her toes pointed downward, and she didn't know what to do. Her skirt spread atop the surface as the earth secured her waistline. The sensation was overwhelming. Beneath the mud, her body embraced its familiar lover. But in her mind, Bonnie was terrified. The mud crept up her stomach, her tank top barely keeping out the grainy earth below her.

She couldn't stand it any longer. She had succumb to her body's cravings and had to act upon them. Pleasure flooded her mind as her breasts entered the quicksand. Her toes attempted to spread, but we're unable to under the immense weight of the ground above her. Her breathing slowed, as did her heart rate. With one hand above the ground and the other submerged, she tried to stabilize herself the best she could against the sinking mud below her.

The panic returned, but only briefly. She called out for help, once, as a desperate act. There was nobody around to help her. She was well away from any trail, or shred of human contact. She was alone. She threw her head back as she tried to reason with her fate. But as the overwhelming sensation from under the mud returned, she decided it was in her best interest to focus on that, if nothing else.

The quicksand now was approaching Bonnie's neck, her Auburn hair dancing upon its surface. She turned her head up to the setting sun, and felt the pleasure return. She couldn't stand to help herself. She figured that if this is how it were to end, she should at least enjoy it in the embrace of the earth itself. Her chin soon found itself at the surface of the mud. She closed her eyes, the flash of green to only be seen for a few more minutes above ground.

Her nose was soon covered as a wave of pleasure came over her. She pulled on every part of her body, forcing her way down. Soon after, only the red of her hair was visible above ground. She held on until her lungs burned. Then, bubbles escaped to the surface, and Bonnie faded into a wave of pleasure and peace.

--

I'm considering an alternative, less morbid ending. But hey, it works for now.

Thanks for reading

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PM2K
Always Remembered
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Joined: Wed Apr 15, 2009 6:14 pm
Location: Eastern Ontario

Re: First Time Writer - The Excursion

Postby PM2K » Tue Mar 21, 2017 4:33 pm

That works for me as is. :D

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stevensh12
Posts: 339
Joined: Mon Mar 30, 2015 9:56 pm
Location: A TARDIS

Re: First Time Writer - The Excursion

Postby stevensh12 » Tue Mar 21, 2017 7:05 pm

Great story dude love a redhead
i'm just an idiot with a box and a screwdriver

na-na_na
Posts: 1
Joined: Sun Jun 18, 2017 11:38 pm

Re: First Time Writer - The Excursion

Postby na-na_na » Mon Jul 31, 2017 12:25 pm

prequel+ sequel plz

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Chro_Zarco
Posts: 39
Joined: Sun Jul 05, 2009 1:35 pm

Re: First Time Writer - The Excursion

Postby Chro_Zarco » Tue Aug 01, 2017 12:53 am

If a less morbid ending is what you want, there are two commonly used ways about it:

1) Her pulling and squirming during the last throws before fatally succumbing loosens up the mud, allowing her to float, if only just at chin level. From there, her predicament becomes a balancing act, where a wrong move threatens to push her under, but staying put strengthens the mud's hold. Author's discretion on how long (or how many wrong moves she makes) before she escapes or tires.

2) As she goes under, another person approaches and saves her at the final moment; this person is most commonly of the preferred coupled gender to the victim, allowing for a post-rescue romance (and sequels) to be written out. Given the background of your protagonist, and assuring you that I'm not pushing any particular narrative, might I recommend a male savior, one who shares her fetish and was about to try out the pit himself before seeing the tuft of red hair poking from the surface.

Otherwise, your story was very well-paced and enjoyable. When you decide to do more stories like this, I recommend you lengthen the section dealing with the actual sinking/submergence, and add more detail of the mud/quicksand's texture.
I rather think that the red and black really suits me, don't you think?

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NECRON74
Posts: 98
Joined: Fri May 08, 2009 5:03 am

Re: First Time Writer - The Excursion

Postby NECRON74 » Mon Aug 07, 2017 12:49 am

Very nice.


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