Deep shrinking

[tenenbaum]

I tap, tap, tapped the toe of my shiny black heels nervously while sitting in the waiting room. I'd never been to therapy before, and my reason for coming has caused me a lot of stress. For one, making up an excuse to get out of work for an hour was difficult. And my whole walk here, my head jerked from side to side, my eyes scanning the sidewalks to see if anyone noticed me walking into a shrink's office.

Finally, the door opened, and Dr. Beck's brown eyes and warm voice soothed my nerves a little.

"Molly? Why don't you come on in?"

I shook his hand. "Thanks for seeing me."

I walked into his office, all the furniture and trim a deeply colored wood. I sat down on a comfortable chair, crossed my legs, and brushed some brown hair from my face. Dr. Beck sat across from me.

"What can I do for you today?" he asked.

"I've been stressed. Disturbed," I said. "I saw...uh...a few weeks ago, I saw my best friend die. And...and...I probably could have saved her. But I failed."

"Well, that's very traumatic, of course. I'm very sorry."

"Thank you," I whispered. I looked around. "It's safe in here, right? What I tell you?"

"Of course."

I pressed my red lips together and continued, placing my hands in my lap.

"A few weeks ago, I was camping with this good friend of mine, Amanda. It was just some simple car camping, but a way for us to get away and catch up. She's married, and we don't get to talk much anymore, and this was a chance for us to get away from life and relax."

"Plus," I said, my skin feeling warmer. "I've always been attracted to her, even though I knew she'd never reciprocate."

"That can be frustrating," Dr. Beck said. "What about this trip troubled you?"

"We were day drinking," I replied. "It's what we do when we camp. Just sitting around on a picnic bench on a warm afternoon, nearly done with our second bottle of wine. Laughing, talking. Just sitting around in tank tops, shorts and pony tails, catching up."

I folded my hands. "Amanda stood up and said she'd be right back. She smiled at me and told me I'd better finish my glass of wine before she got back. She walked into the woods on a little trail, saying she was just going to grab a few more sticks for tonight's fire. It was a few minutes later, just as I poured the last bit of wine past my lips, that I heard her scream my name."

I looked into Dr. Beck's eyes. He was clearly listening carefully.

"Scream your name?" he asked.

"Yeah, like she was scared. I of course stood up and headed her way, calling out to her. She called out to me. I eventually found her."

"What was wrong?"

"She was up to her knees in quicksand. She'd lost the trail, apparently, and now was in this murky-looking pit about five or six feet wide. Not very big, but there also wasn't anything to grab onto. She pumped her legs a little, but she was clearly stuck. We didn't even say anything to each other. Just locked eyes until she screeched at me to back up so I wouldn't get stuck, too."

Dr. Beck touched his glasses. "Quicksand? That's a real thing?"

I nodded. "And she was sinking."

"How did that make you feel?"

"I...I was scared for her, obviously. But..." I bit my bottom lip and fidgeted. "I saw the way she looked at me, needing my help. And I was turned on."

"Sexually?"

I nodded. "She looked at me and said: 'Thank God you're here. Pull me out, but be careful, OK?' I told her that of course I would and I turned around to look for sticks. It wouldn't take a super long one, but I couldn't find the right one. And...I didn't immediately want to. I looked back at her as the mud climbed her smooth thighs. She didn't notice me looking at her. Amanda was looking down at her legs as she pumped them. Her slender body writhing. But I must have been just staring as...as..." I brushed some hair from my face. "Some warmth built between my legs."

Dr. Beck's face was blank just looking at me. "Then what?" He prepares a pen, hovering it above a legal pad.

"I acted like I was looking for a stick."

"Acted?"

"I was so turned on. It was a deep desire I'd maybe never felt before. So I wandered around near the pit, trying to look like I was looking for sticks while I kept an eye on Amanda. The mud reached her hips. Started to rise up her..." I press my lips together again. "Her perfect, flat stomach. She was whimpering and crying in the background, but I was tuning out what she was saying, watching her lips quiver and body shake with fear as the quicksand kept pulling her down."

"You didn't help her?"

"I was off to the side of her as the quicksand reached her ribs. I squatted down to act like I had maybe found a stick. Amanda wasn't paying attention to me, looking down at the rising surface of the mud, so I touched myself over my shorts as I watched her. I nearly lost it when the quicksand slowly pushed up her breasts, rising in her tank top. But she screamed my name, and I popped back up fast, yelling to her that I'd help her. Don't worry."

Sitting on the shrink's chair, I started to fidget, feeling my skin warm, turn red. My chest heaving as I breathe harder.

"Do you need some water, Molly?" Dr. Beck asked.

I nodded, and took a glass of cold water he handed me. I took a sip and set it down.

"Continue," he said.

I closed my eyes, drawing the image into my mind: "It was like my animal instincts were taking over. She looked so...so beautiful. And desperate. Her red lips parted as she panted from the struggle. Blonde hair. Blue eyes wide. I ran to the front of the pit, to face her, and crouched down to look at her. I looked right into her eyes. I told her there was a perfect stick on the other side of the pit, behind her. I told her to hang on, that I'd run and get it and be right back."

My closed eyes began to tear up.

"Then what did you do?"

"I didn't run. I didn't want to fall in the pit. I gingerly walked...I didn't want to get stuck, too...around the side of the pit, toward the back, my eyes on Amanda the whole time. My head was spinning as the mud started to creep up between her breasts, slowly starting to cover them. She was starting to panic now. Telling me I had to hurry, breathing hard. Her arms were raised, she was starting to cry. She was pleading with me to please help. I...I feel shame about it, but her desire for me just kept turning me on. I got behind her, behind the pit. Where she couldn't see me. I found a proper stick right away, but crouched and slid a hand into my shorts."

"You left her?"

"I...I started to touch myself again. I was so close to finishing but just wanted to see her face again. She kept calling to me: 'Molly! Please! Oh God!' I yelled back, telling her to hold on. But her more violent struggling had me so close, and I kept touching myself." I started to fidget hard in the shrink's chair, goosebumps covering my bare arms. I looked directly at Dr. Beck.

"Like, she was really, really starting to struggle. And scream. She kept yelling to me: 'I can't feel the bottom! Molly! You have to help me! God! Please!'" I looked down. "That only made me touch myself more passionately, until, when the surface of the mud touched the bottom of her long, slender neck, she tipped up her chin, I could finally see her face again...and I lost it."

"You had an orgasm?"

"My best ever." I fidgeted, blushing, embarrassed. "I fell out of my crouch onto my butt, my eyes rolling back in delight. She couldn't see me, but I could see the panic in her. Minutes ago, we were having too much wine and talking. Now, she was inches from dying. I finally pulled it together and grabbed the stick. 'I'm coming! Hold on!' I yelled to her. I gingerly walked around pit, watching her, breathing hard, as the mud slowly climbed up her neck. Now, finally, I wanted to hurry. But I couldn't, not wanting to get stuck, too. Now, I felt regret overtaking me."

"You..."

I was leaning forward in my chair. "I was really trying to make it. Amanda's screams were relentless. Like, 'Molly, I don't want to die! Please! Oh God! This is it!' And I'm just rushing and rushing, tip-toeing around the edge of the pit. She was, like, just trying to tread water with her arms. Her hair was fanned out on the surface of the mud. Her breathing was so ragged and panicked, my heart started to race, and my hands started to shake uncontrollably." I demonstrated the shaking for him, waving my hands violently in front of me.

"As I got to the front of the pit, her hands were waving wildly, too, reaching for me, in totally panic. The mud touched her lower, red lip as her face was all the way up, looking high into the sky. She stretched her lips out, trying to buy ten seconds. Five seconds! Anything!" I started to sweat.

"I laid on my stomach just as she...she tried to yell: 'Molly! MOLLY! I! I! I'm! I'm going to DI...!' I reached the stick out to her just as her face went under, trying to touch it to her flailing hands. My...my hands were flailing, too. And I screamed 'Grab it! AMANDA GRAB IT!!!" I was actually screaming in the chair as I told the story, starting to lose my composure.

"Her hands brushed it. Grasped for it. Almost had it. Almost had it. My hands were shaking violently, and so was the stick. Her hands and the end of the stick flying through the air, trying to occupy the same space at the same time!"

I leaned back in the chair. "Then. Her hands went limp. I couldn't believe it. I laid there in stunned silence. I didn't even cry. I just couldn't believe it. I stood up, trying to catch my breath. I put my hands in my hair, trying to understand what I'd done."

"Did you call the police?"

"I just walked away," I said, staring forward blankly. "Didn't tell anyone. When people asked me what happened, I had to act like I had no idea and she just disappeared."

"And that's why you came here?" Dr. Beck asked. "This haunts you? Why didn't you just save her?" He waited quietly for my reply.

My eyes wandered the room, looking for an answer. Seeing the doctor's knick knacks. The degree on the wall. The ficus. The degree was written in some weird script that didn't even look like it said "Beck." And the wood didn't look as high-quality on further inspection.

"I could have saved her. But I let her die. And I couldn't tell anyone."

"Well," the doctor replied. "That's all I needed to hear."

My eyebrows raised, and I looked up to him.

Dr. Beck pulled a thin leather case out of his shirt pocket. He flipped it open. There was a badge inside.

"I'm Deputy Beck with the sheriff's office, and you're under arrest. We've been trying to figure out what happened to Amanda for weeks. Not saving your friend may not have been a crime, but lying to us about what happened afterward was."

The door swung open, and two officers rushed in, standing me up roughly and cuffing my hands behind my back before I knew what was happening.

The so-called Dr. Beck looked directly into my eyes.

"Thank you for your honesty," he said.

[Viridian]

Wow, that was quite a hit. This was cleverly done and very creative - something I like to toy around with myself. The psychological side was expressed very clearly and progressed in a believable way. This was a great scenario that was framed in a brilliant method. I was very satisfied after reading this story. Well done!

[Chimerix]

I loved it!

[Stephymink]

Wow. That was cleverly done. Nice work there!