I'm looking for tips on how to write sinking scenes in a short story.

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Palinov Jensen
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I'm looking for tips on how to write sinking scenes in a short story.

Postby Palinov Jensen » Fri Feb 10, 2017 7:50 am

I recently wrote a very short quicksand piece for a friend of mine, it was nothing special. After re-reading it a few times, checking for errors and what not, I was quite pleased with what I wrote despite it not having a detailed sinking description. This motivated me to start writing again, but the problem is, I have an extremely hard time writing about things I haven't experienced. I've never been in mud or quicksand before, so I don't know how to write about it. I think I've written two quicksand stories in the past for the same friend, plus there was a handful of times where I've written sinking scenarios for him in real time, via instant messaging. Those stories were horrible, to say the least! The only reason I kept them is because they are a part of our history. He was content with the stories I wrote. I think it made him happy when I wrote stories just for him!

My friend, on the other hand, is an excellent writer! Of all the stories he's shared with me, I don't know how many, if any, he's share here. There are four stories of his that stick out in my mind as examples of what it means to be an excellent quicksand writer! For privacy reasons, I won't say his name or list his story titles. I feel bad because he's given me such amazing stories to read and in return, I've given him trash. If there ever comes a time when our relationship improves, I would like to be able to write better quicksand stories for him.

What is the best way to go about writing a description of someone, or myself, sinking in quicksand? I'm not sure if this is a question that can be answered. I'm starting to think I have a "descriptive writing problem" which is making it hard for me to write about quicksand. Descriptive writing tips would be helpful as well! Thanks in advance!

TL;DR I want to write better quicksand stories for my friend, but I struggle with sinking scenes. What is the best way to go about writing them?

Fred588
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Re: I'm looking for tips on how to write sinking scenes in a short story.

Postby Fred588 » Fri Feb 10, 2017 2:38 pm

When writing about something you have not experienced, try writing about what you imagine it to be like. that's one suggestion. Another would be to follow all the basic rules of creative writing you were taught in school. Things such as spelling and sentence structure are fundamental but so are attention to consistent point of view. Consider using the so-called "active voice" whenever possible. Learn to use dialogue. Earnest Hemingway once wrote a short story ENTIRELY in dialogue - that can be a good exercise to try. Focus on the background story - not just the sinking part.

Also, I posted a suggestion, with an example, just yesterday in the Studio sub forum. That suggestion is not about short stories as short stories but it may give you something to play with, and its a good way (if you can do it) to write something that could actually get filmed without too much difficulty.
Studio 588 currently offers more than 2200 different HD and QD quicksand videos and has supported production of well over 2400 video scenes and other projects by 13 different producers. Info may be found at:
http://studio588qs.com
http://quicksandland.com
http://psychicworldjungleland.com

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Palinov Jensen
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Re: I'm looking for tips on how to write sinking scenes in a short story.

Postby Palinov Jensen » Fri Feb 10, 2017 6:15 pm

Fred588 wrote:When writing about something you have not experienced, try writing about what you imagine it to be like. that's one suggestion. Another would be to follow all the basic rules of creative writing you were taught in school. Things such as spelling and sentence structure are fundamental but so are attention to consistent point of view. Consider using the so-called "active voice" whenever possible. Learn to use dialogue. Earnest Hemingway once wrote a short story ENTIRELY in dialogue - that can be a good exercise to try. Focus on the background story - not just the sinking part.

Also, I posted a suggestion, with an example, just yesterday in the Studio sub forum. That suggestion is not about short stories as short stories but it may give you something to play with, and its a good way (if you can do it) to write something that could actually get filmed without too much difficulty.


That is very helpful! Thank you so much! :D

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AnonymousQuote
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Re: I'm looking for tips on how to write sinking scenes in a short story.

Postby AnonymousQuote » Fri Feb 10, 2017 7:16 pm

In addition to what Fred said, watch videos! Odds are the type of bog/mud/quicksand you're trying to describe is emulated in a video somewhere (even just searching for "sinking in quicksand" on YouTube yields good results). Then, while you're watching, try to think of words that best portray what you're seeing. Is it thick? Thin? Oozy? Stretchy? Wet? Dry? How does it react to struggling or movement? What does it sound like? If you answer these questions, you're well on your way to having an excellent scene! :)

Hope this helps!

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Palinov Jensen
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Re: I'm looking for tips on how to write sinking scenes in a short story.

Postby Palinov Jensen » Fri Feb 10, 2017 8:10 pm

AnonymousQuote wrote:In addition to what Fred said, watch videos! Odds are the type of bog/mud/quicksand you're trying to describe is emulated in a video somewhere (even just searching for "sinking in quicksand" on YouTube yields good results). Then, while you're watching, try to think of words that best portray what you're seeing. Is it thick? Thin? Oozy? Stretchy? Wet? Dry? How does it react to struggling or movement? What does it sound like? If you answer these questions, you're well on your way to having an excellent scene! :)

Hope this helps!


That is an excellent idea! Why didn't I think of that!? Thank you! :D

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Re: I'm looking for tips on how to write sinking scenes in a short story.

Postby Boggy Man » Sat Feb 11, 2017 1:57 am

You can check out the Nuggets and the Home Movies forums, including my video thread (there is both peaty mud and silty quicksand (quicksilt) videos there). The Youtube video pages with sinking have more interesting videos linked to on the right hand side of the pages. Then there are the previews of various producer videos on their respective forums, as well as any videos you may have ordered from them. Hope this helps.
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Palinov Jensen
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Re: I'm looking for tips on how to write sinking scenes in a short story.

Postby Palinov Jensen » Sat Feb 11, 2017 4:30 am

Boggy Man wrote:You can check out the Nuggets and the Home Movies forums, including my video thread (there is both peaty mud and silty quicksand (quicksilt) videos there). The Youtube video pages with sinking have more interesting videos linked to on the right hand side of the pages. Then there are the previews of various producer videos on their respective forums, as well as any videos you may have ordered from them. Hope this helps.


Thanks! :D

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Re: I'm looking for tips on how to write sinking scenes in a short story.

Postby Chimerix » Sat Feb 11, 2017 11:39 am

I've been in love with words since I was tiny. I was reading blue dot books in my elementary school library when I was in 2nd grade (blue dots were supposed to signify that the books were for older kids who were better readers). Vocabulary matters. The thesaurus is your friend!

Also, there's a quote that is often mistakenly attributed to Mark Twain along the lines of "I'm sorry to have written you such a long letter, but I didn't have time to write a short one." (The actual source seems to be the French mathematician Blaise Pascal back in the 1600s.) When I write, I use as many words as it takes to get an idea down. Then I look for ways to shorten it. Then I look for more ways to shorten it. Then I look for still more ways to shorten it. Then, once I've gotten it as concise and succinct as I possibly can, I ask myself the question "should it be longer?" Because, in descriptive prose, sometimes concision and succinctness aren't what's desired. But, having distilled a thought down to its essence, opening it to be more full-bodied is easy.

When my muse does speak, she does so in a great hurry. I'm not the best at taking dictation, so often I commit atrocious grammatical errors in my race to record the ideas. I shift from past to present and back again; from active to passive; I change structure; etc. But I think of this like working on a drawing: the first pass is just a sketch, getting lines down; the second, going back with an eraser, a darker pencil, and possibly a ruler; the third, another pass with the eraser and dark pencil. Sketch becomes outline becomes inked becomes shaded becomes colored. Writing, at least for me, is an initial burst of creativity followed by an awful lot of work.

It might evolve something like this:

She is running, and stepped into quicksand without realizing it. Her foot sinking caused her to stumble and lose her balance. She almost fell, but waving her arms, she was able to save herself. She's scared, and doesn't like how the mud feels.


Wow, that's bad writing. Bad grammar right off the bat with mixed tenses in the first sentence. No poetry. No flow. No structure. Just a bunch of thoughts, but they're linked to a common theme. Ok, let's reduce, reduce, reduce. What am I actually trying to say?

She started sinking and almost lost her balance.


Really, that's what it boils down to. Call it the bullet-point version. Now, let's open it up, see if we can make it interesting.

Her frantic stride carried her off the path, where her foot immediately plunged deeply into the soft ground. Windmilling her arms, she avoided falling, but could feel her ankle and calf quickly sliding farther beneath the cold muck's surface.


We're getting there now! It certainly hits the bullet-point, while returning some of the initial imagery I had hoped to convey. What you didn't get to see are the dozen modifications I made to that last segment after I first drafted it. I changed several word choices, moved a dependent clause, and nibbled away at it several times. But you can see the progression.

Anyway, that's my process. It's probably worth what you paid for it! ;)
The difference between theory and reality is that, in theory, there is no difference between theory and reality.

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Palinov Jensen
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Re: I'm looking for tips on how to write sinking scenes in a short story.

Postby Palinov Jensen » Sat Feb 11, 2017 11:54 am

That was awesome, Chimerix!! :D :D :D

Reading your response made me feel as if I was in a college class dedicated to writing fiction! It was extremely helpful! I gained a lot from it. The sad thing is, now I feel even worse for giving my friend crappy stories to read! But, like I said, he was satisfied with what I sent.

It's going to take awhile, but I'm sure, with enough practice, I'll someday be able to write something my friend can be proud of.


Everyone's advice was helpful! I'll probably compile everyone's responses into Google Docs for easy access later.

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Suggestions for spcific writing issues

Postby Fred588 » Sat Feb 11, 2017 2:29 pm

Let me say up front that I was a teacher for 35 years but not an English teacher. I have, however, written and published a few books. This is to suggest that there are specific sorts of exercises and other thinbgs one can do that may help with specific kinds of writing issues. If, for example, one's weakness is with things such as spelling or cxomma usage, then use a spell checker (now built into most word processors) and keep fixing things until there are no more red marks. If the issue is a tendency to inappropriately change tenses, then try writing in the form of a letter or email, telling a first-person account of an adventure. If you have trouble staying in the head of just one character, try telling a very simple story involving two characters (one who falls in and one who makes a rescue, for example) twice, once from each character's point of view. You could also try writing multiple versions of the same basic story to work on learning different story formats - short story and screenplay, for example. Another exercise that might help with creativity is to start with something totally trivial and develop it. For example, explain in an entertaining way why the quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog. Similarly, develop a story around a single article of clothing or other object, picked at random (or provided by someone else as I try to do in my "UB the Writer" threads.
Studio 588 currently offers more than 2200 different HD and QD quicksand videos and has supported production of well over 2400 video scenes and other projects by 13 different producers. Info may be found at:
http://studio588qs.com
http://quicksandland.com
http://psychicworldjungleland.com


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