The vampire and the ghost pt 2 added

[stevensh12]

Credit to DJlurker for the maiden of the mire character

It was a foggy night in Anderson swamp as a dark brown haired girl emerged from the fog she was wearing a red tank top which emphasied her slight cleavage, jeans and a leather jacket. She stopped and sniffed the air around her. "I've seen some weird things here but you certainly class as weird" a voice spoke. The brown haired girl turned to her right ready to attack and she saw a mesmerising sight. There in front of her was a woman with long white hair, red eyes, and pale skin, wearing a lustrous white evening gown that seemed cut to emphasize her average bosom, and matching opera gloves.
"Oh hello I didn't think anyone would be in the swamp this late at night". The brown haired girl said looking sheepish.
"Quite understandable but I must say the same thing" replied the white haired woman. The two stood awkwardly for a couple of minutes with the white haired woman lighting a cigarette and offering it to the other girl who declined.
"So instead of just standing here like dummies shall we go?" The white haired woman asked. "Go where?"asked the brown haired girl. The white haired woman didn't say anything but smirked and started to walk away. " Hey wait up" yelled the brown haired girl as she ran after the white haired woman.
A few minutes later they reached a clearing that had a glistening floor. "Is that mud?" Asked the brown haired girl. "Yes it is come in" the white haired woman replies dropping her purse and offering a hand out. The brown haired girl hesitates then takes off her leather jacket before taking the other woman's hand. The two women then walked forward slowly, their feet pressing deeper into the mud with each step, until they could no longer extract them. They slowly continued to sink going past their thighs, as they approach waist deep the brown haired girl spoke " I'm jessica by the way". "Nice to meet you Jessica just call me maiden" the maiden replies.
They continued to sink with the maiden observing Jessica's every movement. They both reached natural buoyancy at breast deep then the maiden spoke " most people would panic when sinking this far down yet you do not why?" . "Because I know this will not harm me" replied Jessica. There was a flash and Jessica became a bat and flew around the clearing before settling on the maidens shoulder. " How cute" the maiden said as Jessica returned to human form now neck deep in the quicksand. "I see I am not the only one who has a supernatural ability" the maiden then dissolved into mist before Jessica could say anything thing she felt herself being pulled under "wha-hey" she exclaimed before being pulled under the surface.
There was no light or sound under the surface as Jessica just listened to nothing then she felt a pair of lips on hers, she decided to go ahead as she knew she couldn't drown and they started to kiss eventually including tongues before they resurfaced with the maiden laying on Jessica " that was fun but it will soon be sunrise" said the maiden. Jessica sighed as she knew she had to go so she didn't turn into dust.
Carefully the two women extracted themselves from the mud, when they reached solid ground they picked up their belongings and went to the nearby river to wash up "that was fun maiden but I must depart so the sun doesn't burn me to ashes" Jessica said with a hint of sadness the maiden hugged her and replied "my home is always open for you Jessica" Jessica smiled " thank you" she then turned into a bat and flew off. The maiden smiled before dissolving into mist and disappearing among the trees

[stevensh12]

I think these pictures show what the characters may look like

[DJlurker]

An OK effort, but you should try being a little more descriptive with the sinking scenes. I like the picture you picked out for the Maiden, though- That is kinda what she looks like in my mind's eye, save the wardrobe (though if she were a Japanese ghost, she'd probably wear that, sans the teddy bear pin )

[stevensh12]

Thanks for the feedback I thought you would like the picture at least now should you make another story you have permission to use Jessica the vampire as a character

[AnonymousQuote]

A fun little scene! I'll second what DJlurker said:

you should try being a little more descriptive with the sinking scenes.

Definitely add some length to the scenes! There's surprisingly a lot a character can do while they sink, especially if it doesn't end right away. For instance in this scene, you could add some more interaction between Jessica and the maiden as they slowly sink deeper, touching evolving to kissing, etc... As it stands right now, the under-mud kiss feels a little abrupt (although it is a nice moment). Also, add some plot! How did Jessica get into the forest? Why does the maiden go after her? Etc.
Otherwise, a nice little Halloween read! With some polish, this can become something really good!

[stevensh12]

Thank you I'll note that for next time

[stevensh12]

"fuck you!" Screamed Jessica slamming the door. She immediately whimpered with tears in her eyes before transforming into bat form and flying off towards the one place she felt welcome.
At the same time a young man entered a clearing before saying "hello my love" a woman had appeared behind him "that's what I normally say to you" the woman replied bringing the man in for a kiss "shall we then?" he nodded and they went down the trail she came from.
Jessica flew over trees as she neared her target but she sensed someone else in the swamp.
The maiden and her boyfriend stopped at the quicksand pit as the maiden put away a cigarette "I'm still getting you to quit" he told her "hey I don't bring them into the pit any more" she paused senseing something before continuing " shall we go in clothes this time?" The man replied " you read my mind" the both took off their shoes before stepping in the quicksand hand in hand plunging to their calves they then started moving to the middle of the pit before facing each other and watching each other sink "it's still not fair that you can see my breasts far longer than I can see your unmentionables" the maiden said with playful annoyance the man smiled.
Jessica landed on the trail that led to the pit retuning to human form and she started walking to the pit, when she got their she saw two figures illuminated by the moonlight, the first was the maiden who she recognised the second smelt like a human man she watched them sink past their waists feeling jealous for some reason.
The maiden shivered happily as the quicksand touched the bottom of her breasts her lover was also content then " honey wait here I have something I need to do" the maiden said in a whisper he nodded she leaned forward kissing him staining her dress before dissolving into mist.
Jessica watched the two before suddenly the maiden vanished ( where did she go?) Thought jessica suddenly an unknown force grabbed jessica and forced her out of hiding and into the pit directly in the man's view, jessica was helpless as her body forced itself down, she got a twitch of electricity as she passed her crotch " ok stop please maiden" a laugh filled the air but jessica didn't stop until she was breast deep she then felt control in her body as the maiden retuned to corporal from next to the man "so who's your friend?" the man asked the maiden " that's jessica love" the maiden replied moving over to jessica
"Jessica what's wrong sweetie you look like you have been crying" the maiden said in concern , jessica looked at the maiden before flinging herself to hug the woman and she immediately started crying and trying to explain but the man stepped in saying encouraging words which eventually calmed jessica down enough for her to speak " I've just been kicked out of my house by my abusive boyfriend and now I don't have anywhere or anyone to look after me" she said with a sob "is that why you came here before?" the maiden asked kindly "yes can I" Jessica started to ask " of course you can provided you don't bite my boyfriend or any other humans" the maiden said " don't worry i only bite animals but I don't kill them unlike HIM" Jessica said as she worked herself shoulder deep.
The man and maiden followed with the man asking"was it Dracula by any chance" Jessica nodded before anything else could be said the maiden closed the gap to her boyfriend “We’re going all the way down, aren’t we?”
“Yes,” she replied simply,
as they sank to the tops of their shoulders. The maiden smirked and said out loud “I, the Maiden of the Mire, hereby claim thee as my one true soulmate… to have and to hold, to love and to cherish, for eternity…”
“Oh, woe is me, I am doomed,” he lamented, though there was an obvious sarcastic undertone to his voice which made Jessica giggle.
“Like so many before me, I have fallen prey to the seduction of the swamp spirit… doomed to join my fellow victims in the depths of the quicksand pit…”he continued
“Damn straight,” she grinned as the muck rose up their necks. “You’re all mine now…”As their chins dip into the mire, she pressed forward and kissed him, hard…
They maintained their kiss even as the the mire rose over their lips… they take one last breath of oxygen through their noses before the muck covers them as well… The gaze lovingly into each other’s eyes for as long as they can, until the quicksand blinds them, shivering as the rest of their heads sink under with a quiet slurp.
Jessica watched them sink out of sight amused that a human man would willingly sink under the surface with a ghost
A minute later they both came up to the surface gasping for air the maiden having a slight coughing fit, “And that’s why I keep telling you to quit smoking, “ he jabbed at her. "Shut up" she retorted, Jessica laughed at them both "is this usual for you two" Jessica asked smiling "yes" they both replied thankful the mud stopped the blush showing.
They started to slowly extract themselves from the mud exchanging small conversations eventually they all got to dry land,jessica could sense what they were thinking so she went to the river to wash up she stripped to JetBlue underwear and washed up. Half an hour later the other two joined her the man was wearing black underwear and the maiden wearing Lacey red underwear "wow I can see why you two like each other" Jessica said as the maiden started to help her lover wash off.
Eventually they were all clean and they layed on the shore enjoying each other's company until " it's nearly sunrise and we have to go" the maiden said, the man nodded sadly " see you soon love, bye Jessica" he said Jessica then turned into a bat and flew into the swamp to find shelter the couple shared one last kiss as the sun rose and the maiden dissolved into mist and disappeared from sight the man slowly got up and went to get his clothes he found the maidens purse by the bog making sure nothing was missing he then threw it into the bog where it disappeared "every time" he sighs smirking as he leaves the swamp wondering what else has met her lover and if he will ever meet it...

[DJlurker]

This is a little better, but it seems like you literally ripped some lines out of my original story. That's bordering on plagiarism , but I will give you the benefit of the doubt this time. Try to be more original in your descriptions next time, please.

[stevensh12]

This is a little better, but it seems like you literally ripped some lines out of my original story. That's bordering on plagiarism , but I will give you the benefit of the doubt this time. Try to be more original in your descriptions next time, please.

Ok I will be more careful should I do any more stories