A total bummer regarding your first marriage - that she totally 'got it' and enjoyed it, but then twisted it later on. Can understand why you were hesitant to tell your second wife - both out of fear of the consequences, and the fact that it ended up being associated with bad memories.
I'm glad that when you did tell your second wife it turned out OK and that you're able to enjoy it together.
Talking about yout fetish
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