what now suggestions

[epoch]

So in my last post I explained the story behind me telling my wife about all this stuff. To be honest, this is completely uncharted territory in my life that I never thought I'd encounter, and I really don't know exactly where to go from here.

She knows this fetish of mine and accepts it and is even willing to participate somewhat(whatever participation can be had in the bedroom), but she does not share this fetish with me...she is just enormously accepting and surprisingly awesome and cool about it. The last thing i want to happen is for this to fizzle out and it get to a place where it is just never brought up, but I have no ideas on how to procede. i was wondering if anyone else has encountered this and might be able to offer some advice.

Since she doesn't share in the fetish herself, so far she has been willing to watch various youtube videos with me, but that doesn't really do anything for her. I have been concidering ordering a dvd, but am not sure if this is the right way to go. She's not really into watching topless women, it doesn't do anything for her but she will tolerate it for my sake only if its involving this fetish. I don't know if there is a dvd out there somewhere i could order that is softcore enough that I could use to open this up more to her, as gently and unabrasively as possible. If anyone has any suggestions I'd love to hear it.

I was even thinking of showing her some of the fiction writing to start off with, but the more I think about it, I'm not gonna read that to her, and I'd feel like an idiot sitting there while she reads it, so i think that might be out. As for pics and photo manips, basically same problem as the videos.

So far i have been able to keep an active and open dialogue going between us. I've told her what it was like growing up with this and not being able to talk to anyone about it. I have even told her about you guys (not mentioning names or websites because for right now that's just a little too close...I talk to you guys and get on this forum when I'm by myself, I don't mess around with this when she's here...not that I couldn't, just...I don't know, hard to explain i guess, more of a personal thing that is still just mine and I'm not sure I'm ready to completely let that go yet...if she shared this fetish with me that would be one thing, but she doesn't and I don't think that can be changed, so yeah), so she knows all the history and personal feelings involved...but when it comes to incorporating it in other areas of our marriage, I am just out of ideas.

So basically I was wondering if anyone else here has maintained a relationship with a significant other that they have been able to share this with even though that other person did not share in the fetish and how that was handled.

I want to thank you all again for being so open, honest, and accessible. I really do appreciate you all and can't thank you enough for being my link to sanity all these years. I appreciate any and all input you might be able to offer,. Thanks again!

Epoch

[Fred588]

There are plenty of scenes, from all producers, that are not topless.

[Nessie]

I don't know your wife, but I'm a female and I know how my mind works. There is treacherous territory here in the quicksand media for the married man.

There are so few women who fetishize quicksand that just about everything here is made for men. Even my stuff is not made with women in mind. Why is that? The sad fact is that there isn't anybody else around to make quicksand stuff for! Even the people who like male footage here are mostly gay men. And gay men are still men -- they run their sex drives exactly like heterosexual men do. They do not think like women!

Danger zones: Topless and nude (that's a no-brainer) and footage that zooms in on breasts sinking or concentrates way too intensely on her fear and suffering might make her mad at you. Geesh...I'm a fetishist. I do fetishize quicksand. And in my early days, sometimes some of this stuff made ME mad.

Sample thoughts from Newbie Nessie, before I got used to things:

"Do you HAVE to make the woman that helpless?" "Why is she being bullied?" "Aren't there any men in quicksand, ever?" "Gee, that producer put her in naked! People don't fall into quicksand naked. Talk about gratuitous...or is the producer just too lazy to do a load of laundry?"

Try to choose clips that have stories that revolve around the quicksand scene. Think of scenes produced more like Hollywood, or by Hollywood, where the quicksand was just there as a plot element and you could choose to be turned on by it or not. Tarzan gets high marks. Jane got a good sinking in it and it's a well-done scene but it's a whole movie too.

This gives her an out if she fails to be turned on. She can like something else -- the story, the drama, the scenery -- something.

It may be possible to turn her on to quicksand eventually but it's probably never going to be the same for her as it is for you. Don't overlook reading. Women tend to want to know what goes on in your mind, so general information on quicksand fetish might be helpful. Women are a big consumer of self-help articles in general.

Unless you find something that you're sure will hit the mark with her, I would not concentrate too much on trying to find a scene or story that turns her on. She may never miss not having quicksand scenes.

Find ways to incorporate your fetish into activities that involve HER. Whether it's in a real mudpit or not, play with HER, talk to HER, always touch HER. It's mighty hard to screw up anything with a woman if she's plainly your #1.

Nessie

[Weapon X]

Well said, Kibosan. This is something I need to take to heart as well with my wife. She has known for a while, and has even seen a few of Dave's DVDs that I have, but I try my best to not seem obsessed with her trying it out.

I agree with the illustrious Nessie. One of the things going on here is the fact that you have shared with her something deeply personal, and you chose her to reveal it to. This makes us all warm and fuzzy on the inside, and such things make us feel the bond of our relationship has just been deepened by this display of trust. The nature of the fetish is of far less consequence (usually). At the moment I recall a sitcom from many years ago. A teenage boy, sneezing profusely, presents flowers to a girl. She looks at him skeptically..."You brought me flowers that you are allergic to?' Another sneeze..."Yes." Suddenly she breaks out in a massive smile...." How sweet!" she exclaims. She completely overlooked the questionable decision and sees the thoughtfulness and even sacrifice on the part of the boy to make her happy. I'm pretty sure some of this is going on with your exceptional wife. Heck, I feel special that you're sharing this stuff with US, and we don't even know each other.
Having said all that, I'd recommend backing off a little. I'm not saying youre being pushy, but be careful that she doesn't perceive[i]you as being pushy. Nessie is right...things need to be about her. If, now that the cat is out of the quicksand, you can't be intimate with your wife without bringing up sinking, I can almost guarantee she'll start to back away. If the intimacy in your relationship revolves around her and the both of you (as it should be), with sinking being brought up just here and there, she won't feel the relationship is threatened in some capacity (in other words, don't come across as an obsession) and is more likely to stay on board. When you DO bring it up, frequent statements about how great that you've found someone with whom you can share your most personal things with will be beneficial, better still if you mean it. And, should the opportunity arise where you might get to see her take the plunge, disregard the massive well of excitement within and reassure her as much as necessary that she [i]doesn't have to do it[i]...again, meaning it will be helpful. All this to say...tread lightly.
And who knows? The day may yet come that she feels the sensuous tug of mud on her feet and decides she wants more. It got me hooked. And if it never happens, still make her feel like the most precious woman in the world to you. You should be doing that anyway. [/i] [/i][/i]

[Fred588]

I suppose one thing to at least explore is HER fantasy. That could turn into a game of "your turn, my turn," and then eventually into "our turn."

[mudxdresser]

I've always had very uplifting results showing my female companions male only mud material. They're always very interested in seeing a guy get it on with the mud in detail. They also seem to enjoy filming me in the mud and getting to give directions!

[Sedge]

I've never discussed the QS interest with gfs. It can be difficult enough discussing the foot fetish.

Maybe you can "encounter" quicksand together as a fun thing and see what happens.

It works better for me to do natural things that lead up to fun activities. For example, what woman doesn't like her feet massaged? Without asking I often take off her socks, give foot massages, kiss her toes, and work up from there. No one says "no" to that. You wouldn't say to a new girl, "oh I like feet and feet get my rocks off, that's not weird, is it?" So don't do it with QS.

Once while my latest gf and I were out walking she mentioned a news story about a woman who was rescued from QS. I was surprised because we weren't talking about anything related. Then she asked me if I thought there was QS around. I said that there was and it's not very deep. It can be made out of mud or wet sand, and the only dangerous thing about it is just that you can get stuck but you can't get swallowed by it, and that I've actually been in it before. I never figured out what news story she had seen.

In the spring we went to the beach, one that I know has some shallow QS. We walked, and our bare feet sank past our ankles in much of it. We played around with it, and at the deep spot I worked myself up to my knees and invited her in. She wasn't interested. Maybe some other time, I guess.

Keep your eyes and ears open, and create opportunity. There are similar fetishes that may be more common in women than QS. My gf said something early on about being eaten by bears that made me think she could have a touch of vorarephelia. So I work vore play into the bedroom occasionally. Try it. When you're both playing naked, make yourself into a "bed monster" or something under the covers and then pull her under, pretending to devour her as you pull her in.

To put this into perspective, there are common but wilder fetishes that everyone knows about like bondage and S&M and stuff. QS is pretty tame in comparison. Had a girl once who was really into tying me up with ropes, and I used to go along because she liked it, not because it did anything for me.

[epoch]

Awesome, thank you for all the replies and advice guys, they are very well taken to heart.

A special thanks to the women who replied. It is great to have access to that perspective and you brought up some very interesting points I probably wouldn't have thought of on my own.

I can't tell you how much I appreicate everyone here.

Thanks again!

Epoch

[beachbum]

I have had a quicksand fetish ever since I could remember, but I have never bought it up with my wife. Before I met my wife, I was always hoping to meet someone who was interested in quicksand and being stuck (I have somewhat of a stuck fetish also), but that is a hard quality in a person to find. I had gfs in the past who would try to get stuck in something just for fun. Even connected with a "girl" on this site who had a huge quicksand fetish from my area but didn't turn out to be anything more than trading e-mails back and forth. I would always think how great it would be to meet someone to share my quicksand experiences with so we could go sinking together, but as all of you said, that is mostly a male fetish and very few females are interested.

Basically, my wife and I share a great relationship, and I couldn't ask for anybody better, but my quicksand/stuck fetish has just never come up. Maybe it will one day and we'll talk about it. I simply love sharing the stories on here, and listening to different experiences. I never had the chance to go sinking myself and my dream of going sinking with someone (of course now on a plutonic level) is probably slim to none. I guess keeping these interests separate from my married life works for me right now. Someday I may want to share them with my wife, but I never think to myself that I would want to see my wife sink in quicksand or stuck in someting. It's not something that I thought about pursuing really. I guess just separating my quicksand/stuck fetish from my married life has made things comfortable for me while I can enjoy talking about it here.

Just the thoughts from my perspective.

[MadMax359]

I suppose one thing to at least explore is HER fantasy. That could turn into a game of "your turn, my turn," and then eventually into "our turn."

in my experience, this is the way to go... my Significant Other has no real interest of her own in being tied up, but when she saw how much it meant to me (and how much i did to make her feel special) she turned from skeptic to willing participant

to be sure, my fetish is easier to perform than finding a place to do a sinking... and in terms of quicksand, all we have done is a simulation, never the real thing