Quicksand Fans

Over the years I have been diagnosed as BP-2 - an impulsive condition, manic-depressive etc which is NOT BiPolar 1 which is the truly crazy condition. As time passes, I look back at my period of time "sinking" in a small mudpit I found in NYState and now think I was out of my mind!!! It was a dangerous place. Not the mud - that was shallow enough but being discovered, ticks, snakes, etc. What was I thinking so I wonder how many of US in this community consider BP-2 as a condition. NOW I would never touch it no matter how much fun it was. Food for thought. Oh, I am also a terminated social drinker and joined a local A.A. group as well.

reisen55 wrote:Over the years I have been diagnosed as BP-2 - an impulsive condition, manic-depressive etc which is NOT BiPolar 1 which is the truly crazy condition. As time passes, I look back at my period of time "sinking" in a small mudpit I found in NYState and now think I was out of my mind!!! It was a dangerous place. Not the mud - that was shallow enough but being discovered, ticks, snakes, etc. What was I thinking so I wonder how many of US in this community consider BP-2 as a condition. NOW I would never touch it no matter how much fun it was. Food for thought. Oh, I am also a terminated social drinker and joined a local A.A. group as well.

I can't say I really see the connection. Obviously a condition that makes one impulsive could lead to doing things one would not otherwise do, but, in my very non-professional opinion, the relevence here would be more to the safety of the sinking than to the sinking itself. That is, the condition might lead one to choose a location that was, for example, rather likely to lead to discovery. But certainly there ARE locations where the likelihood of discovery approaches zero.

I am somewhat familiar with bipolar, and from what I have seen of that, I know it is a severe and disabling condition! I was reading the wiki on this after reading your post and what you have is a bit different from that.

I myself was diagnosed with severe depression and had treatment with medication for a couple years, but that was years before I ever sank, so I couldn't tell you if it would have affected my outings.

I guess there are some risks with sinking, depending on where you do it and how, but they didn't seem very scary to me and I didn't worry much about them.

You mentioned alcohol, though. I sure do wish I'd never touched that. What a waste, of time, money and for awhile, my health.

Fortunately I had the good sense to keep alcohol out of the mudpit. I did have two mud partners who liked to drink and therefore, we indulged after the mudding was over but thankfully my memories of the mudpits themselves are clear even if the time directly afterward sort of went down the ol' alcohol-soaked toilet.

Congratulations on successfully eliminating drinking from your life. What you said..."NOW I would never touch it no matter how much fun it was"...is actually how I feel, not about mudpits, but about alcohol!

Nessie

I’m depressed, manic depressive, and bipolar, and nobody cares. Also in NY and have been to thousands of AA meetings since 1993. I was sober for 10 years (from 2001-2011) and 5 rehabs, 2 mental hospitals, jail twice and 1 halfway house. Also graduated from 3 different colleges with a masters degree. And nobody cares.
One thing that I’ve done in all of those places was draw pretty girls sinking in quicksand.
Not sure what it’s got to do with anything, but I will say that jail was more fun than sobiety.
Fuck everything. I wish I had killed myself when I had the chance.

Acidtester wrote:... I wish I had killed myself when I had the chance.

I'm glad you didn't.

I never had a drink smoke toke nothing but always suspected that if I tried any of it once I'd be a terrific lush. The addictive part of my personality came out when I discovered sex at an early age. Maybe I've never been depressed because I have pursued it as the key to happiness. I think a lot of us have some kink in our makeup that invites fetishes and addictions. Most of us seem to be pretty bright people. I know that's definitely true of all I have met.

Anybody left handed besides me?

Acidtester wrote:I’m depressed, manic depressive, and bipolar, and nobody cares. Also in NY and have been to thousands of AA meetings since 1993. I was sober for 10 years (from 2001-2011) and 5 rehabs, 2 mental hospitals, jail twice and 1 halfway house. Also graduated from 3 different colleges with a masters degree. And nobody cares.
One thing that I’ve done in all of those places was draw pretty girls sinking in quicksand.
Not sure what it’s got to do with anything, but I will say that jail was more fun than sobiety.
Fuck everything. I wish I had killed myself when I had the chance.

Man, that's rough. Always thought you were a great, brilliant, guy. Stay with us because no matter how many times you fall off the wagon it's worth getting back on. Hell, I care. For real.

Duncan Edwards wrote:I never had a drink smoke toke nothing but always suspected that if I tried any of it once I'd be a terrific lush.

Same here! Other than whippets, which did give me enjoyment many years ago, I've not abused any substances.

Duncan Edwards wrote:Anybody left handed besides me?

I'm ambidextrous. I think I was born left-handed, but was forced to learn to do everything right-handed. I've always freaked people out that I work with because I'll be adjusting something with my right hand, while using a wrench with my left hand... at the same time!

And, as I tell everyone, I write equally poorly with either hand!

I used to do a lot of substances of various kinds but am clean now, for about the last two and a half years. I don't even do caffeine (with exception to whatever amounts are in cocoa). AA helped initially, but I found myself less dependent on drugs and alcohol than other people, who may need to go for the rest of their lives. I also didn't like the format of AA meetings, and found agnostic AA meetings ("We Agnostics") more to my liking (they exist, if you are curious). I am on anti-depressants, diagnosed with "severe depressive disorder."

About two and a half years ago I was in outpatient therapy, for dealing with a range of issues. It really helped me. During that time I had some major epiphanies about who I was as a person.

Before therapy (and the photography work), I was struggling to keep my worlds apart, as I felt a huge amount of shame over my interests. I couldn't even mutter the word "quicksand" at all. Now, afterward, I feel far less shame, and am thankful for what I do and glad to be in the state of mental recovery that I am in.

Aiko wrote:

Acidtester wrote:... I wish I had killed myself when I had the chance.

I'm glad you didn't.

I, as well. You are not alone in who you are.