How surprised were you

[Conspiracy101]

Yes, this. She'll be into whatever you say until she's not into you. Then you're a toe-sucking weirdo. If it's your girlfriend, then whatever. If it's your wife, then she can take your kids and half your stuff.

Apparently some of you have had bad experiences, sorry to hear

[Sedge]

But I've had good experiences too. I'm advocating for caution.

The thing is, you don't need to come out with some wordy confessional about what gets your rocks off, crossing your fingers and hoping that she buys into your kink. A few years ago I said this: viewtopic.php?f=10&t=7078&p=51257#p51257

The whole world of qs is fantasy. There isn't going to be a moment when your girlfriend is in qs up to her tits and you jump in to fuck her. Instead, take her to the beach and walk around barefoot in the soft parts. Watch her for an "ooh, it's quicksand" moment. If it happens, grow it but don't make it weird. Girls will be interested in almost anything that their romantic interest is into, until they're not. Don't be lulled into thinking she's into your kink when she's going along because she likes you. When she doesn't like you anymore hopefully she doesn't have things she can weaponize against you.

[Duncan Edwards]

Count yourself fortunate if you discovered your fetish before marriage. After 29 years my marriage is in a better place than it's ever been but that's no reason to tell her everything. She's a wonderful person but she would no more understand this than if I tried to explain it using some obscure Mongolian dialect. I've been on the short list of the most active people in this fetish for 23+ years and my wife has no clue. I intend to keep it that way. After 29 years of getting things perfected I see no reason to almost certainly screw it up on purpose.

[klib21]

A bad person that was a bad partner isn't necessarily a woman, or has anything to do with being a woman.

Yes, be careful in your relationships, be careful in how you explain things. There's no reason to "come out of the closet" with your fetishes, because in a normal healthy relationship between two mature adults, fetishes and sexual pleasure will come up naturally at some point.

But yeah, just to re-iterate, women =/= liars. Liars = liars, some are women.

[Jumpoff_Joe]

In early 2015 I left my fiancé and decided, at the same time, to try to quit drinking once and for all*. A few weeks earlier I saw a fellow beer drinker go through the "death rattle" and that made the decision in my mind: if I wanted do something that I've always wanted, now would be the time to do it. So, I started the photography thing. I bought the camera in January and began building the initial indoor studio at the same time.

The relevance of this to the situation is that after that point, I was going to selectively share my fetish with folks that I trusted, and folks that stuck around after my sobriety as they were ones who were likely to be my REAL friends. I also chose people whom I thought I could trust, and who would be most open to my interests. In addition, with any person I dated -- although this didn't happen for at least a year -- I was out in the open with it, and pretty quickly. I would ask, "do you have any kinks?" or "how do you feel about kink?" If they labelled themselves as "sex-positive" then I would tell more. If they didn't, or said that fetishes were weird, or porn is wrong, I would go the other way.

It is not easy being open about one's kinks, especially when we have so much shame over them already, but my attempts at suppressing them have always led to failure. Once I embraced them I became a happier person. As for dating, you will find that there are some people out there who will be open to it and some that are not. After that, it's up to you to decide which path to take -- to proceed forward or to try again.

*It wasn't until mid-2016 that I was finally successful in kicking booze. However, every day is a success, and I take one day at time.

[Fred588]

In early 2015 I left my fiancé and decided, at the same time, to try to quit drinking once and for all*. A few weeks earlier I saw a fellow beer drinker go through the "death rattle" and that made the decision in my mind: if I wanted do something that I've always wanted, now would be the time to do it. So, I started the photography thing. I bought the camera in January and began building the initial indoor studio at the same time.

The relevance of this to the situation is that after that point, I was going to selectively share my fetish with folks that I trusted, and folks that stuck around after my sobriety as they were ones who were likely to be my REAL friends. I also chose people whom I thought I could trust, and who would be most open to my interests. In addition, with any person I dated -- although this didn't happen for at least a year -- I was out in the open with it, and pretty quickly. I would ask, "do you have any kinks?" or "how do you feel about kink?" If they labelled themselves as "sex-positive" then I would tell more. If they didn't, or said that fetishes were weird, or porn is wrong, I would go the other way.

It is not easy being open about one's kinks, especially when we have so much shame over them already, but my attempts at suppressing them have always led to failure. Once I embraced them I became a happier person. As for dating, you will find that there are some people out there who will be open to it and some that are not. After that, it's up to you to decide which path to take -- to proceed forward or to try again.

*It wasn't until mid-2016 that I was finally successful in kicking booze. However, every day is a success, and I take one day at time.

Congratulations on the sobriety and thank you for sharing your wisdom.

[Sedge]

I've been thinking about this topic more lately. Here are some more "How-To" thoughts for a less risky, more conventional approach which has been mildly successful for me in the past.

When your girlfriend or wife is into you and likes you, and your relationship is healthy there is little wrong you can do. That doesn't rule out making "unforced errors" of course. This means that shared experiences together are good and build your relationship, but surprising her with what may look to her like "the snuff porn you jerk off to" may be unhelpful.

Women often look for romantic moments and activities that bond you together, things that are symbolic of romance and being together with someone who makes her feel good about herself. This isn't universal but rather "typical" of a relationship in good health.

The warm season is getting a bit late, but think of outdoorsy activities that allow for some sinking fun while in the normal range of activities. Walking along the beach is one of the best opportunities for this. Many beaches have some sort of sinky areas, especially in areas that have some water flow due to the outgoing tide or a creek that empties into the lake or ocean. Your shoes are off, toes feeling the texture of the sand, there's ample shallow water that's normal to walk in, and it's expected to get a bit of sand on your feet. Lead your walking partner into an area where the sand or silt is soft. Continue holding her hand as you walk into it. If she trusts you, this is where "spontaneity" is your friend.

Maybe she will step into some deep or slippery sand and her feet will get stuck. Offer your hand to help her pull herself out. You want her to associate this experience with trust and companionship, and fun. The quicksand trapping her feet is a minor obstacle that you both work together to overcome. This is classic relationship bonding psychology and will build her feelings for you AND anchor her trust in you with rescuing her from "quicksand."

Think of all the Hollywood movies where the romantic leads stand in the rain kissing passionately. Well, rain is actually uncomfortable and wet to stand in, but in the movies the feeling of mutual bonding and trust in the passionate kiss is enough to shield the pair from their cold, wet surroundings. The fantasy for the viewer is that of feeling protected and bonded.

Depending on how playful she is, fool around with sinking a little deeper. If not just take in the moment. Lead her in closer to you as you would for an affectionate kiss. You will both be standing there, maybe ankle deep in silt as she experiences a romantic and sexually interesting moment. Her romantic feelings may psychologically anchor to the feeling of standing in unstable, soft, sinky silt or sand with you. If she trusts you she'll stand there with you and feel protected through your bond.

When good weather returns go back to the same place and have another romantic walk. Repeat the story, make this a familiar and romantic place that is part of your story.

The physical application of this fetish in your own relationship may never actually manifest beyond the point of making out while standing in the mud. How much more is required to meet your sexual needs? When you take her home later and have sex tonight you'll have the fresh experiences of seeing her sinking with you, her toes disappearing into the sand, and maybe even a fun rescue. And her experiences will be that you both had such a sensual and romantic day and she felt like the center of your attention, and these feelings of affection will extend to the bedroom. But maybe this will also plant the seed for more mud fun later. Maybe.

Be careful: Women think about stuff a LOT. When they see something new or unusual they think about it, they stew about it, and come to their own conclusions. If you show her quicksand porn because you think it's your time to come out about it, she will tell you "it's OK" and that it's "interesting" and then she's going to think and stew about what she just saw, a lot. She might go along because you're awesome in her eyes and pleases you. Or she might think, "uh-oh, red light. He's into snuff porn." And she is *definitely* going to ask her friends about it, because she's never heard of this before and wants to know more about it. But not from you.

The idea that your girlfriend is going to put on some lingerie and jump into quicksand for you is fantasy. There are professionals who pay women good money to do this on film to allow us to indulge in the fantasy.

However, if your girlfriend associates walking around with you in the mud as a romantic activity that you can share, you're almost as far as you're ever going to get in physically manifesting this fetish into your sexual realities. Maybe together you'll explore more, like playing in it, and then maybe role-play a "rescue." Who knows. There are exceptions. But start easy.

[duuudeization]

I was very surprised. Because I told my hunni about my QS fetush and she immediately volunteered to step in for me.
In fact, during an argument, I told her Ibwasnt going to have her do it, and she got angry and drove off!
Waiting excitedly for the day...

[A20]

How surprised were you when you told your significant other about your fetish? Honestly I still remember the day I ended up showing my girlfriend (now wife). I had to get fairly drunk to work up the courage and finally I showed her some of the lighter stuff, I believe it was Shaun’s practice scene and then a scene with Brittany as well. She found it fairly interesting and obviously what we do with my fetish has evolved quite a bit since then.

Now the other day I decided I’d try to show her some plant vore stuff since I’ve gotten very into that as well, and once again I was legitimately worried she’d be too weirded out by it. Yet, surprisingly, she looked at and said it looked interesting. For context, I showed her pictures from A-20, Peach in a jungle girl bikini getting pulled out of quicksand and sucked into a giant flower. I’m sure most of us know what I’m talking about but I’ll link it anyway if that’s okay, I don’t want to post the pictures without permission. https://www.deviantart.com/a-020/art/Ju ... -703123311

We talked for a bit and she definitely liked the bondage aspect of the vines and the pink goop peach was being sucked into looks vaguely like quicksand so she liked that part too. Whether or not she’d like some of the extreme stuff of women getting penetrated by plants is another story, honestly I’m not that into that stuff either, but only time will tell I guess.

How did I miss this story? I'm glad your girlfriend/now wife responded well to my artwork It's nice hearing feedback like this from another view.