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[Nessie]

Whoahhh!

I'm female and this forum's almost all guys, and I can smell all the suggestions on how to be this damsel for him coming already.

You could try that if you wanted to.

But don't do that just yet. The first decision to make is whether you WANT to be a part of it, and if you choose to, the next is whether you ENJOY being a part of it.

And only one person makes these decisions.

You do. NOT him.

The first step, though, is much easier. You did the right thing. You came here. Reading this forum will show you what it's all about. You'll meet lots of fetishists here. And most of 'em are just regular guys in every other way. It won't be mysterious to you for long.

The second is to accept it. It's a part of him, and it's unlikely to go away. Participation is nice, but for the relationship to be a good one, real acceptance of his fetish is critical. He should be able to be open about this with you and feel comfortable discussing it.

As for appealing to him, you obviously already have. Men with the quicksand interest definitely find women appealing!

Nessie

[Boppinabe]

Totally just found out about my boyfriend's quicksand/damsel in distress fetish. How do I please or even appeal to a guy with this type of fetish?

My recommendation as to how to please or even appeal to a guy with this type of fetish:

Be friendly. Say nice things to him. Be his friend. Laugh at his jokes(even if they're SUPERcorny). Let him get you nice little gifts "just because". Let him be friendly to you. Let him say nice things to you and tell you that you're beautiful and wonderful and that you're everything he's ever wanted. Let him be your friend. He'd better laugh at YOUR jokes, too! Let him hold doors for you and open doors for you.

He's just a regular guy just like any other and I'll bet he has wants and desires pretty close to any other guys'. As for the advice Nessie has given: Listen to her. She knows what she's talking about.

[Nessie]

Hmm...I may have been too quick to worry about you.

From the "Photos" forum, "My girlfriend sinking in quicksand":

This looks so hot. I wish I could find a guy that would take pictures of me like that!

Ask your boy friend?

Perhaps, actually, you should ask him directly what would appeal to him anyway. There are many kinds of quicksand guys.

Some only collect and watch videos. If you have one of those, all you have to do is be the kind of gal that doesn't make him feel like he needs to hide those in a secret drawer and watch them only when you're not there.

Some roleplay during sex and/or fantasize, and perhaps enjoy creativity (drawing, stories, "Second Life") but they never actually touch quicksand.

And some actually want to go to mud, and sink in it with a real girl.

And some guys don't get into the mud much themselves but they like to take pictures of girls in it!

Nessie

[klib21]

Advice: have a normal relationship with an interesting sexy kink as part of it. And definitely ask him what he'd like to do (and think about what YOU'D like to do as well! Hopefully they're the same thing!)

[capslockNERDO]

Thank you. This was all great advice, especially Nessie. =)

I think I might be a bit too domineering for him at times. I want to be in control all the time & I do enjoy it, but what I really want is for someone to be aggressive enough with me that I have no choice but to give in. I need someone more aggressive than me & he just lets me take control. What attracted me to him in the first place was the fact that I could sometimes play that damsel in distress card. He's very sweet, always doing things for me and if I ask for help with something he will do it. I'm not used to being treated that way. I've always had to do things for myself. I just want him to take away my control. How do I put him back in control?

[Nessie]

Now you're going outside what I would know. My actual core fetish, as I practice it, seems to center around solo sinking. There have been mud partners...eight of them...but the damsel-in-distress thing, I do not do with a partner. (I've done it on video but that's not the same thing.)

If he's got a damsel-in-distress thing going, though, I'd assume he wants to take charge of something, somewhere.

However, you state that you are, in fact, usually in control in this relationship. So this is what he's used to (and, I presume, he is comfortable with it...it's a myth that all men wish to control all aspects of a relationship).

He probably needs some big-time encouragement to go for the Alpha Male thing. Educated guess from this non-damsel: Go ahead and take control of the power transfer initially (yes, orchestrate this yourself) and when he feels safe being in charge, maybe he'll suddenly take the power away from you!

Nessie

[Fred588]

Obviously I do not know you or your bf, and any suggestion in this realm of endeavor has got to be compatible with the personalitites of all involved. Nevertheless, I would suggest that both the surrender of control and the assumption of control is, in this context if not any context, dependent on trust. Both parties have to fully trust the other or it isn't going to work. Therefore, the solution has got to be 1) develop and solidify trust, 2) communicate what is desired, 3) give it a try.

Thank you. This was all great advice, especially Nessie. =)

I think I might be a bit too domineering for him at times. I want to be in control all the time & I do enjoy it, but what I really want is for someone to be aggressive enough with me that I have no choice but to give in. I need someone more aggressive than me & he just lets me take control. What attracted me to him in the first place was the fact that I could sometimes play that damsel in distress card. He's very sweet, always doing things for me and if I ask for help with something he will do it. I'm not used to being treated that way. I've always had to do things for myself. I just want him to take away my control. How do I put him back in control?

[Duncan Edwards]

He probably needs some big-time encouragement to go for the Alpha Male thing. Educated guess from this non-damsel: Go ahead and take control of the power transfer initially (yes, orchestrate this yourself) and when he feels safe being in charge, maybe he'll suddenly take the power away from you!

Nessie

Nessie has the right idea. I prefer to be in charge but it conflicts with my desire to make a lady happy and my upbringing to do the gentlemanly thing. On those occasions that I'm made aware that my being in charge makes her happy, look out.