Quicksand Fans

After my last, rather heavy, post; something to cheer us up.

Bob forgot his anniversary. His wife was furious. "I'll give you one last chance," she said. "When I wake up tomorrow moring, I want to see something on the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in six seconds. Otherwise you're dead."

The next mornng, Bob left for work early. When his wife woke up, she looked out of the window to see a package on the driveway. Puzzled, she brought it indoors and unwrapped it. It was a set of bathroom scales.

Bob has been missing since Friday.

Not bad, not bad at all.

Haha not bad at all

I got one too add if you dont mind.

A husband and wife are watching a show on psychology and mixed emotions. The husband says to the wife, "haha this show is a bunch of crap, i bet there isnt anything that you could say to me that would give me any sort of mixed emotions". The wife looks to him and replies, "out of all your friends, you have the biggest penis".

Like what broke up a friends marrige...
She said she wanted larger breasts...He told her to rub toilet paper between them.
"How is that going to make my tits bigger ?" she asked...
"Why not ?" ,he replied ,"It worked for your arse." We haven't seen him since.
......Merlyn.../|\

So this guy walks up to his friend with a shiner on his left eye. "What happened to you?" asks the friend.

"Oh man...I messed up in the airport yesterday. There was this lady at the counter and she was really stacked. I wanted two tickets to Pittsburgh but what I accidentally said was I wanted two pickets to Titsburgh. So the lady behind the counter whacked me."

"I hear ya', man." Said the friend. "I messed up like that once too."

"So what happened?"

"One morning I meant to ask my wife to please pass the sugar."

"I don't get it." Says the guy. "How can you mess that up?"

"Well..." Says the friend, "What came out was "YOU ROTTEN BITCH YOU RUINED MY LIFE!"

The Sheriff in an old West town walked into the local Saloon and announced "I'm lookin' fer Brown Paper Jake." A cowboy spoke up, "I don't know that feller, Sheriff- what's he look like?" "Well," the Sheriff replied, "He wears a brown paper Stetson, a brown paper duster, a brown paper shirt, a brown paper waistcoat, brown paper britches, brown paper chaps, and brown paper boots." The bartender spoke up- "Sure, I know that feller- what's he wanted for?"


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The Sheriff answered "Rustlin'."

Three guys walk into a bar. The next one ducks.

Two pieces of string are out on a night on the town, and decide to hit this popular night club.
They enter, wander up to the bar and order a round of drinks. But the bartender glares at them, and says
"We don't serve string here!" and orders them out.

One string leaves, dejected, but the other is not deterred. Instead, he roughs himself up, gets dusty, and ties himself into a loop. Then he returns to the bar and orders a beer.

The bartender glares at him.
"Hold it buddy," he says, "Aren't you that piece of string I threw out of here earlier?"

To which the string replies,
"Nope. I'm a frayed knot...."

Q. What is the perfect definition of trust ?

A. Two Cannibals having oral sex.

ROFL^^^