A set of jumper cables walk into a bar. The bouncer looks them over and says "I'm letting you in, but don't start anything."
A termite walks into a tavern and says "Is the bar tender here?"
Famous scientists Erwin Schrodinger and Wener Heisenberg were on their way to a conference. Heisenberg was driving when they got pulled over for speeding. "You were going 80 miles an hour back there" says the cop. "Impossible!" says Heisenberg, "You can't possibly have measured my speed and location at the same time." Annoyed, the cop decides to search the vehicle. In the trunk, he finds a dead cat. He goes back to the window of the car and says "Do you know you have a dead cat back there?" Schrodinger does a facepalm and says "I do now."
"Knock, knock!"
"Who's there?"
"Saddam."
"Saddam who?"
"Saddam shame you don't hear knock-knock jokes any more."
A piece of string walks into a bar. The bouncer stops him- "Sorry, pal, we don't allow strings in here." So the string decides to disguise himself. He rolls around on the sidewalk, frizzes out his ends, and twists himself into a pretzel. When he goes back to the bar, the bouncer says "Hey, aren't you a string?" "No, I'm a frayed knot."
