I just don't know anymore...

[Raidium]

I can't stress enough how much life sucks... I've been in this relationship with a girl who has a 6 month old daughter and things can't be more complicated. I've poured my heart and soul out to this girl, told her how much she means to me but I just can't seem to catch a break... Over the course of our relationship, the babies father has come into play and started acting out to try and get this girls attention again by doing all the shit that he didn't before and its been confusing her. We broke up at one point cause she wasn't sure who she wanted to be with which ended up being me and for a while it was great but go figure, the asshole starts acting out again and she has to decide again. She tells me this is the last time she's going to do this and this is the final decision. She chooses me just to tell me a week ago she cheated on me with that fucker. It killed me but I told her I would be willing to work around it but I would never forgive her for hurting me like that. Then just a couple days ago she tells me she doesn't know what she wants and to keep it just between us that we are taking a break. Now she tells me that she told her babies daddy that we are currently "just friends" after promising she wouldn't tell anyone and she's been spending a lot of time with him the past 2 days. She's told me that she hasn't done anything with him but knowing she did before concerns me so much. I love this girl more then I have ever loved anyone and it hurts so badly that im crying as im writing this... I see you guys as like my extended family. I just need some help, advise, something cause life feels pointless to live right now... I just want to be happy... Is that truly too much to ask?! Please help me...

[Mynock]

Truth time....this may not be what you want to hear man but here goes....
I've seen this several times (and been a victim of it once). This girl is playing you for a fool.
Would I be wrong in guessing baby daddy is some kind of loser who doen't have a job and lives in his mom's basement? Yea, didn't think I would be.
She wants to fuck baby daddy but baby daddy is a loser who can't support her kid, so she's keeping you on the side for child support.
Dump her and move on. You'll feel like 10lbs of shit in a 5lb bag for a while but trust me, you'll get over her. Then you can find a decent girl without so much baggage.
Oh, and my personal #1 rule of dating is stay away from chicks with kids. This is what happens when you don't.

[Scarol]

I readed the story, and I have to say some things....
Even my live suck (maybe worser)
You can be glad that know what love is for a girl, I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT LOVE IS FROM A WOMAN!
I have been on a school that I have been teased for 4 bloody years! When I was a teenager, most of teenage boys get their first experience with love with the girl on 13-17 years old but I got only shitted about my outerside of my body. And still don't have loving experience, because most girls on school things im a ugly asshole. And why? Did I hurt them? No! Only that im not I not have some handsome face as their friends.
And this what I say can be very hard, I have been to a psychic doctor about who I am.
She said that I cannot act in the real world like normall people do, that hurted me soooo much!
And now painting a school as practice like a trainee, some of my classroom guys know it too.
This is my story, and if I were you just leave that girl with the baby. It will spare problems for later, but it's your own decision.

[awdc]

You need to spend some time focusing on your life right now. From the information you've given, there is an unbalance in the way you're prioritizing your life. It seems like you are willing to be fully committed but she has clearly disrespected you as a friend and as someone who you love. You're at a stage of one of life's many lessons and the value you get out of the lesson will differ greatly in how you handle this chapter in your life. Regardless of any advise given here or anywhere, you'll ultimately have to make your own choice and work through any related hardship that comes with your choice.

I know this might sound silly, but spend some time writing down your thoughts. Write down the positives of what you value in your relationship and the negatives that affect your life. Take a good look over all of it and think about if you can live with the balance of them. Think about how much stress they introduce into your life and can you sustain this. There doesn't seem to be any question that you love this girl and that you'd do anything with or for her. It seems no matter how hard you try, you can't make her see this or reciprocate...and she likely won't. She really has a certain control over you which is making you feel this awful. When you poured your heart and soul to her, you've opened a certain amount of vulnerability about yourself and she isn't reciprocating. That's a sucky feeling...I know what it feels like.

I would advise you to take back the control in your own life and focus on things that can make you happy right now (and that are healthy). Use this sadness and stress and turn it into something good. If you have hobbies, focus on them. If you are or are not active, try spending some time outside and do exercise (jog, hike, bike, swim, etc). It REALLY does help to clear your mind and divert stress. When you're done exercising, there will be endorphins released in your body which will also help relax you. Find an old friend or two that you haven't spent much time with and MAKE time for them. Find a new activity in your area using something like http://www.meetup.com. There are a large amount of different activities and interest groups that you could try out to keep you busy. Try not to dwell and complain to your friends too much about this or they may start to push away. Once you've begun to regain control, you'll feel better and you'll see that this one relationship was a big lesson and you'll then grow into something stronger once you learn the reasons for what lead you to that state in your life. Once you pull through this (and time is usually the only way) you will feel more confident and stronger.

Ultimately time will be the only thing that makes you feel better. When you make your choice you must be very strong with it. Your relationship sounds very unhealthy and staying in it will only degrade you more. I would advise taking a longer break from this girl so that you can heal and focus on things that can and will make you happy. Only when you're strong enough to be happy on your own should you ever engage with her again. If you slip back into the old ways, you're only going to go right back to where you were before. Do all of this for you, and not for any kind of revenge. Making a clean break is respectful and will make you the better person. If you continue to go in and out of this relationship you will only be causing yourself greater hardship. You'll be questioning everything and in doing so it will be driving yourself sick. No matter the amount of love you feel for this girl, it isn't going to make you happy unless both people love the same amount. You have to have great honesty and trust in both directions for things to work well. There will be other women in your life (there really will) that will treat you will full respect and it will work out much better once there is a balance put back into place. If you control your own happiness and don't let it depend on that of another person (be it male or female) you're in the right control of your life and it will reflect in your relationship as well. I've been in that position where I put a girl on a pedestal and it didn't work out because there was no balance. It did not matter how much I cared for her, but I had to equally care about myself.

Things will get better...just take the pain and work forward towards your new happiness. When you get there you will be impressed with yourself, I promise. you will be able to look back upon that time and remember where you were, and how you got to the new you. Just don't give up and don't stop talking to the people that care about you.

[nachtjaeger]

First, remember that free advice is worth exactly what you paid for it.

That being said:

There are three simple rules of life:

1. Never eat at a restaurant called "Mom's."
2. Never play poker with anybody called "Doc."
3. And most important, never, EVER sleep with anybody who has more problems than you do.

This lady sounds like she's still a kid herself. Way too immature for a serious relationship, much less parenthood.
My first girlfriend was sooo in love with me, or so she said. But then she started sleeping with a 14 year old druggie. (She was 18 at the time.) She was hotter than the proverbial two-dollar pistol, and totally into me, and I would gladly have married her- but she just kept doing really stupid, self-destructive things. (The above was the last straw.) Last I heard, she'd flunked out of college, shacked up with some older guy, gotten pregnant, and her mom was trying to get custody of the baby because she was totally incapable or unwilling to take proper care of her.
And when we broke up, I thought my life was over. Came damn close to "taking the easy way out"- no girlfriend, no job, living at home- driving my old 74 Pontiac into a brick wall at 120 seemed like a pleasant alternative.
When I broke up with my second girlfriend, I crawled into a bottle for a while. Managed to smarten up- even quit drinking entirely for two years.
And then, when I had totally given up, and had even planned out my entire lonely miserable life right down to which nursing home I was going to end up in- I met the Weredragon. I would have missed SO much happiness.

Anyway, you can do better. Yeah, it hurts like fire right now. But like Metallica says, "What don't kill ya makes you more strong." Now you got some scars of your own to show. Pain like this has a half-life like radiation; it gets halfway better each day, but never completely goes away. It does, however, eventually fade into the background of your life and memory. And just because this lady wasn't the one, don't write off every woman with kids.

[Nessie]

My personal opinion is that at the very least, you should stop seeing this girl for awhile.

The #1 red flag for me here is the fact that this guy is the child's father. He is highly unlikely to ever be out of the child's life entirely. People leave lovers and never see them again -- but parents don't easily give up children nor do children stop wanting their daddies. Not only that, but he is legally obligated to help support this child. I don't know if he is doing this or how well he's doing it if he is, but ideally he should be paying child support, and if he's got any honor or streak of parental feeling in him at all, he will actually wish to see his daughter and will do his best to help raise her.

As long as he is in the child's life, the mother will have contact with him...whether she wants it or not. They'll be meeting when they exchange her for visitation. They'll see each other when she gets a part in the class play, and if she goes out for sports, they may meet at the game. They may even someday both attend her wedding!

The parent-child relationship tends to be a lifelong bond.

You would still have a very good chance of working through this if mother and father were totally over each other. People can and do remain civilized about raising the children they have had together even when they will, themselves, never wish to live together, ever again, in their entire lives! People can and do move on to new partners and lots of people successfully raise stepchildren.

But that's not what's going on here. Your girlfriend is plainly not ready to let this guy go and he's obviously not over her either. And that is the one thing that totally needs to happen. If it never does, and you stay in this relationship, you're setting yourself up for a lot of future misery.

I realize that this isn't what you want to hear but I do hope that you can find the strength to let her go, at least for awhile. When she's totally and completely done with him as a love interest is the time when she's ready for this love interest to be you.

You deserve no less.

If you do decide break up with her, it is going to hurt, a lot -- and when things hurt is no time for self-denial. The advice about doing things for yourself to help you get over it is very good. Sometimes it takes quite awhile for it to feel like being good to yourself is doing any good, but time usually heals most wounds.

I definitely wish you the best. What you're facing is very difficult.

Nessie

[dlodoski]

...Please help me...

...Anyway, you can do better...

One thing I have learned as an editor. Less is more.

If I would clutter things just a bit, I would say that it sounds like both you and her could each learn from being with nobody for a awhile. She won't/can't do it. But you can.

[Duncan Edwards]

A single mom with a six month old? There's no way you can or will ever come out on top with this one. Babies trump everything else even if that means putting up with the father for certain reasons. You really do need to move along and spend time with another of the billions of females on this planet. Get a dog if you have to. Get one even if you don't have to.

[Warrior Chief]

I've been through that once, there wasn't a child involved however. In that circumstance when the woman is..."Confused" about who she wants to be with, I fall back on simple math , and I removed myself from the equation. There went her "Confusion" and I slept better at night

[Lomax]

Most important, never, EVER sleep with anybody who has more problems than you do.

That means I'm going to be celibate for the rest of my life.

Seriously; yes, life sucks. I speak as a refugee from a disintegrated marriage, which drove me to the brink of suicide. I was found standing on a cliff-edge at midnight, and I still haven't really recovered.

Not that I'm suggesting that you do anything so fucking stupid; I merely point out that relationship pain is something only the very fortunate never experience.

Simple fact - you're being used. Staying with this woman will hurt you, and will probably hurt more as time goes by. Turning your back and walking away will hurt, too; but the pain will lessen with time.

Judging from your avatar, you're young. Life is ahead of you; it's for living.

Two truisms to finish with.

1) The best cure for a bad relationship is a good one. There are good women out there.

2) At the end of the day, the only answers that mean anything are the ones you work out for yourself.

Good luck.