Quicksand Fans

Q: What do you have when you have six lawyers buried up to their necks in sand?
A: Not enough sand.

I seriously thought about posting this in an on-topic forum. Yes, I sometimes have a vivid imagination.

Aiko wrote:Q: What do you have when you have six lawyers buried up to their necks in sand?
A: Not enough sand.

Unfair - 95% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

As someone who has sat in a courtroom on many occasions and watched lawyers at work, I believe I have a better appreciation of what they do. Basically, they're actors playing a role as advocates for their clients.

At the same time, I've seen lawyers who are politically ambitious to the point of being dishonest. I've seen litigation that went on for much longer than it should have because of the lawyers involved. It only ended when all sides realized what they were really doing was making the lawyers rich. I've also seen lawyers who make Jim Carrey's character in "Liar, Liar" look honest.

I know at least two lawyers I'd trust to represent me if I ever got into trouble or if I was ever involved in litigation. I also know lawyers who make me want to keep one hand on my wallet when I talk to them.

Lawyers are human beings, just like everyone else. However, some of them don't like to be reminded of that. I have found that, the more a lawyer promises you, the more likely it is that lawyer is dishonest.

Say, did you hear about the shark that wouldn't eat the lawyer who fell off a cruise ship? He was acting out of professional courtesy

Big Bad John

Speaking of lawyers here's some actual comments made by lawyers in the courtroom:
Did the man have a mustache that got out of the car?

How fast was the car going when it was parked?

Well if it wasn't your left leg and it wasn't your right leg then which leg was it?

Were you present at the press confrence when you were asked the questions?

Do you have any complaints about your teeth other than the fact you don't have them?

Did you feel the impact of the first question before the second one?

Hey I am NOT making this up. It's too crazy to have been made up.

The lawyer who defends himself (or herself) has a guilty client.

Actually, the quote is that a lawyer who defends himself has a fool for a client. Being a lawyer myself, I get to hear all the jokes.

The difference is I'm a biased juror.

beachbum wrote:Actually, the quote is that a lawyer who defends himself has a fool for a client. Being a lawyer myself, I get to hear all the jokes.

beachbum wrote:Actually, the quote is that a lawyer who defends himself has a fool for a client. Being a lawyer myself, I get to hear all the jokes.

A lawyer I know says he beats everyone to the punch by making sure he knows more lawyer jokes than anyone else. It seems a lot of lawyers don't like lawyers either!

Big Bad John

My mother was a legal secretary for years. I've heard every kind of joke, insult, and invective you can hurl at the legal profession, all from her. It's doubly ironic since my entire family despises lawyers worse than we hate anything else on earth. There's some baggage there obviously so I'll just stick to a few of the funny parts that I can recall.

From my sainted mother who loathed her attorney bosses -

How many lawyers does it take to shingle a roof? Depends on how thin you slice them.

An explorer in a jungle market place found a cannibal selling brains. Among his offerings were engineer brains at $10.00 a pound, doctor brains at $50.00 a pound, and lawyer brains at $10,000 a pound. "Why the high price for lawyer brains?" the explorer inquired. Responded the cannibal - "You know how many lawyers you gotta kill to find a pound of brains?"

My mother kept a comic strip from Kudzu under the glass on her desk. In it the Reverand Will B. Dunn is seen standing over a casket and thinking to himself - "Poor Jack. Nobody came to his funeral. He died forgotten and unloved." Then the strip continues as the Reverend stands and pauses before he says "I begged him not to go to law school."

Duncan Edwards wrote:An explorer in a jungle market place found a cannibal selling brains. Among his offerings were engineer brains at $10.00 a pound, doctor brains at $50.00 a pound, and MBA brains at $10,000 a pound. "Why the high price for MBA brains?" the explorer inquired. Responded the cannibal - "You know how many MBAs you gotta kill to find a pound of brains?"

Applies to MBA's too.