The Impartial Laws of Nature

[PurpleFrogbot]

The Impartial Laws of Nature
(Quicksand | F | Grim | 30m)

Highschool senior Shawn Parker knows he’s the class misfit. Biology teacher Abigail Moreno wants to help him thrive. When an extra credit assignment leads them into the diverse ecosystem of Briarwood Bog, they learn that to underestimate the laws of nature comes with a high price.

You could say I'm a newcomer here, but I wrote a sinky story, so...Enjoy!

[AliasSpeck]

Good job. Sometimes a simple sink with a good story makes the best content

[cbqdbq]

As I read the later part of the story, I was hoping Ms. Moreno would be rescued after a very scary near swallow-down. I am sad that she did not get rescued, and I was quite sad at that outcome. I guess whoever owns the bog land (government?) needs to do some maintenance like ensuring warning signs are always readable.

[Theo]

A heartbreaking, but very good read. I like how you tied it to the lecture at the beginning, and I always enjoy the little "twists of fate;" the at first seemingly innocent and inconsequential, or the "what's the worst that can happen" decisions (like venturing beyond a fence, or trying to walk across a log) that later (or sooner) turn out to have dire implications, or that one simple misstep that ends in tragedy.

That said, I have to say, I was really rooting for Abigail to survive somehow, even knowing from the start that she wasn't going to, but I know not every story can have a happy ending—I've written quite a few that way myself. If I had one critique, all throughout quicksand scene I kept screaming (inside of course) at Shawn: "Use the damn log! Just... crawl out on it, or push it her way or something!" But alas, people don't always think of the right solution in a stressful situation

Thanks for sharing, I enjoyed it! Oh, and welcome to QSF! I hope to see more from you soon.

[PurpleFrogbot]

Thanks for the responses! I'm glad people are enjoying the story. I knew the ending might not be everyone's preference when I wrote it, but then again, I mostly write these for my own amusement, and I like stories with a bit of depth (heh). Not to worry; it won't always be quite this way.

[PA Jack]

Wow - this is your first post and first story? Very nicely done; I enjoyed every part of it.

[GTaggert]

WOW!

That's a very impressive first effort! I really enjoyed the story; it was very well written and believable. The characters and situation were exactly as they should be. I'm really impressed! Please do write more of them!

[Theo]

Thanks for the responses! I'm glad people are enjoying the story. I knew the ending might not be everyone's preference when I wrote it, but then again, I mostly write these for my own amusement, and I like stories with a bit of depth (heh). Not to worry; it won't always be quite this way.

No need to worry or explain PurpleFrogbot (neat username BTW). As you said, the most important thing is “your own amusement.” Some things were just meant to be, and when it comes to storytelling, what’s meant to be, is how you want it to be, and that’s what makes writing your own story most amusing. In the end, even a sad story, can still be a great story.

[65sinking]

Wonderful story, beautiful yet tragic.

I'm sure many of us knew a Shawn in our youth, or could identify strongly with Shawn (it was the latter for me). The teacher-student pairing is one that's been explored in various ways before in quicksand fiction, but you were able to set up a very nice dynamic between Shawn and Abigail. It was a wholesome portrayal of a young man's adoration for an attractive teacher without making it overtly sexual, and also showing how Abigail cared for Shawn, without making it predatory and exploitative. It actually reminds me of some of my interactions with some of my teachers when I was much younger. Makes one think how their relationship could have developed further if not for the cold, impartial forces of nature. Hopefully Shawn will be able to thrive and flourish, if not for himself, then in honour of Abigail and what she did for him.

The sinking was wonderfully written, with such ups and downs.

I'm partial to stories involving rescues, even if they're at the very last minute, but the ones with grim endings are also exciting, thrilling, and terrifying in their own way. I'm looking forward to reading more of your work.

And yes, like Theo said, sad stories can still be great stories. So many memorable tales in our community have grim endings; I think this is one that will definitely stick with me.