Scotland Hike

[maps]

This is my first story, so if you like it, I may make more.

A few years ago, in the northern part of Scotland, a young american girl named Michelle was hiking. Michelle was only 20, and was trying to hike to see as much of the country as she could before she went to collage. Back home she really enjoyed sinking, and playing in deep mud, and in many other places on this trip she had the oppertunity to sink. But here on this trip Michelle had not sank yet, even though she was always passing bogs on her trail.

On the forth day of her hike, Michelle came to a spring. She decided to stop for a while to get a drink, and eat. Between where she set up camp, Michelle noticed a bog. She had the idea of after getting water going for a sink. So, she got her 5 water jugs full and purified, and grabbed and extra pair of panties and a bra.

When she got to the bog, Michelle undressed down to her undergarmets, and jumped in. It felt like water to her. she was able to swim in the chilly mud. The only thing she could feel below her was grass roots. after jumping in many times, decided to take off her bra and panties, and walk in naked.

Michelle walked in and sank to her shoulders, she played with herself for a while under the mud, and then tried to get out. But due to how long she was in it and how much she had moved, the roots had tangled around Michelle, she was stuck. Michelle screamed for help as loud as she could, but there was nobody around. The creeping death of mud slowly went over her chin. She let out another scream, that became muffled as the mud flowed into her mouth. In all of the twisting the roots and grasses had become fully wrapped around her below the mud, she couldnt move at all. The only thing she could do was stare at the sky, and pretend, it was a dream, and that she would wake up..

[maps]

Three hours later, a group that was hiking that trail came across the undergarmets sitting next to the bog, as well as the camp she had left. The group tried to find the body, but to no avil, all that they found were a camara with the video of the sinking on it, and her wallet with all of her information.

[stevensenechal]

Your story is a little thin on plot and character development. To qualify as a story you need something a little more than she sinks, she dies. I tend to keep my stories short, about essay length for the forum, but yours is barely an essay. (My response is almost as long as your story.) Generally some good descriptions of the countryside are nice as well. You chose Scotland, a beautiful country with a rich history and countless legends, but failed to elaborate on these. No ghosts, no creepy, fog shrouded moors at night, no nothing. Even your idea of the roots barely produced any protracted struggling from the girl and you know how much we like to see a dame struggle! I suggest working on more thoughtful reasons for placing your heroine in peril and include some plot twists as well, everyone likes something out of the ordinary when it comes to a story. Even the part where she 'pleasures' herself left me flat. In this particular area there has been much fine writing in this forum and adults here are not squeamish about female masturbation. I look forward to a more thoughtful attempt in the future as you seem to be an enthusiastic Quicksand Fan and I enjoy your posts. Good luck!

[maps]

Thanks for your feedback, I really only thought up that story over a half hour, so I figured it wouldnt be too great. I will try and make a better one next time. Thanks.

[Viridian]

Just to shed some more light on that topic, in the past the community has identified "fantasies" and "stories" and two different things. The former is something you'd like to see; the latter is something that can be shared and enjoyed by all. Most readers are comfortable with the majority of the content writers publish, but what a story needs is something to actually happen. Length isn't the deciding factor, but a story with reasonable development and description will end up with a reasonable length.

It's a fair first attempt, and I do encourage you to spend more time planning the story out and tweaking it as you go along.