My first contribution

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Demonxchaos
Posts: 83
Joined: Wed Apr 15, 2009 11:53 pm
Location: Miami, Florida

My first contribution

Postby Demonxchaos » Fri Oct 09, 2009 8:14 pm

Okay, a few days ago, when I was chatting with some of the other members here, I got an idea for a story.
I guess you could call it a World of Warcraft fanfic. I'm not good a writing, and this is my first attempt at witting a QS story. It took me longer than I expected it would, but then again, it came out to be longer than I expected too. :lol:

Enjoy.

Lost in Dustwallow Marsh.
By DemonXchaos
10/9/09
“Okay, now I’m lost” said Keri, a novice Blood Elf rouge with long, blonde hair and beautiful green eyes. Keri was an adventurous girl; she liked to explore and often times found herself in tight spots. She was friends with Tamera, who was a Blood elf too. Tamera was a mage with brown hair and light-blue eyes, only a few inches taller than Keri. They had been friends for years, they would always travel together, and made a great team.

Keri and Tamera were passing through Dustwallow Marsh, they were headed for Orgrimmara, major orcish city in the Northern part of Kalimdor when they each got separated.
**********
“Ohh, were did I put my map?” Keri said as she searched through her bag. She was trying to find her way back to the road, so she could re-unite herself with Tamera, when she got turned around. “Ah, here it is!” Keri exclaimed as she pulled it out form the clutter of potions, toolkits, and other rouge gear. “Okay, lets see where I’m at” she said to herself as she unfolded the map. As Keri was trying to pinpoint her location, she felt a cold chill run up her spine, and she knew something was behind her. She turned and saw a rabid wolf, its fangs glistening in the moonlight, ready to pounce.

When Keri turned around and saw the wolf sneaking up behind her, it attacked her, but she was too fast, she jumped out of the way when it pounced and began to run for her life. She had no idea where she was going; her heart was pounding as she made her way through the dead trees, she ignored the squishing sounds her feet made as she ran through the mud. Not stopping until she was sure she lost the wolf.

Keri finally came to a rest on the edge of clearing, leaning against a tree to catch her breath. “Whew, I think I gave him the slip!” she exclaimed. “But, I’m still lost, and it doesn’t help that I dropped my map when I ran from that wolf.”

“Well, I’d better get going.” Keri remarked as she walked out into the clearing. Just as she made it halfway across, the ground under her gave in and her feet sank into the mud. “Ahh I’m stuck!” Keri cried out in surprise. She tried to pull her legs out but that only made her sink deeper into the muck. She was in the mud up to her knees, with every movement she made; the mud seemed to grip tighter, as if it was trying to keep her from escaping. “I think this is quicksand!” She had started to sink faster now, the quicksand was drawing her in, and she was already up to her waist.

“I need to act fast” Keri thought, she began to look around for a way out of the quicksand; there were no nearby plants or roots she could grab onto. “If only I had the rope from my bag I could get out of this mess.” She was sinking deeper into the quicksand; it was already up to her chest. “Someone help! I’m sinking!” Keri cried, but there was no one near to hear her pleas.

Keri was now trying to keep her arms above the surface of the quicksand, which was up to her breasts. She was looking around franticly for something to pull herself out with when she noticed a vine dangling from a branch above her head. But it was just out of reach. “If only I could get one of my knives, I could cut it down.” Keri thought.
“Hmm maybe I can get one of the knives off of my belt.” Keri told herself as she reached into the mud for the knife on her belt, “got it!” She exclaimed. The quicksand was slowly working its way up her shoulders, “ugh, this mud is so thick I can’t get my arm free” Keri said as she struggled to lift her arm out of the quicksand. “Ugh, almost . . . there!” Keri had managed to free her arm from the quicksand, but all of the struggling had caused her to sink up to her neck in the mire.

“Okay, I only have one shot at this” she said to herself, she took a deep breath, and threw her knife at the vine. It flew straight through the air, and cut the vine. “Yes! I got it!” Keri said with surprise. The vine had landed beside her on the surface of the quicksand, she reached for it but her hand was just a few inches from the vine. “I can’t reach it!” She said as the mud rose up to her chin, She made one last attempt to reach the vine, but as she grabbed it, the vine slipped from her hands and the quicksand began to suck her under. “Noooooooooo!” Keri gasped as the quicksand covered her face.
“This is it.” Keri thought “I’m going to die.” Just when she thought all hope was lost, she felt something with her hand, the vine! She grabbed it and pulled hard. She managed to pull herself out of the quicksand and crawled her way out.

“That was a close one.” Keri said, gasping for breath as she lay on the edge of pool. “I thought I was a done for!” Relived to have escaped from the quicksand, she got to her feet, turned and saw her friend, Tamera standing in front of here. “Oh there you are.” Tamera said, “When did you get here?” Keri asked, Tamera replied “only a few seconds ago. I heard your screams and followed the noise” Keri blushed, “oh, I fell into some quicksand back there” She said, embarrassed, “I almost didn’t make it out.” “I can tell” Tamera told her, laughing, “you’re covered in mud from head to toe!”

And so together, the two girls headed through the marshlands, unaware of what perils awaited them. . .

But that is a story for another time.
Improvise, adapt, and overcome all challenges.

jack c
Posts: 767
Joined: Fri Apr 17, 2009 10:32 pm
Location: SE Pennsylvania

Re: My first contribution

Postby jack c » Fri Oct 09, 2009 8:36 pm

This is a very good description of the sinking part of a scene. I enjoyed the last minute save after submergence. It would have added to the story if we had some background on who the heroine was and why she was there to begin with. It would help the reader root for her rescue. Keep posting stories - I would like to read more of them.

Demonxchaos
Posts: 83
Joined: Wed Apr 15, 2009 11:53 pm
Location: Miami, Florida

Re: My first contribution

Postby Demonxchaos » Fri Oct 09, 2009 8:42 pm

jack c wrote:This is a very good description of the sinking part of a scene. I enjoyed the last minute save after submergence. It would have added to the story if we had some background on who the heroine was and why she was there to begin with. It would help the reader root for her rescue. Keep posting stories - I would like to read more of them.

Thanks, and yeah your right I should have elaborated more on their background. I can't say that I'm working on the sequel right now but I am thinking about writing another story.
Improvise, adapt, and overcome all challenges.

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stevensenechal
Posts: 255
Joined: Sat Jun 06, 2009 9:33 pm
Location: Alberta Badlands near Calgary, Canada
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Re: My first contribution

Postby stevensenechal » Fri Oct 09, 2009 11:33 pm

I agree. A very good start indeedy indeed! :lol: You obviously wanted to get into the drama right away but sometimes it's worth the wait if you develop good characters beforehand. Your first shot certainly hit the mark and I look forward as you develop these heroines, it will be nice to hear of their exploits! :twisted:
Arrakis trains the faithful.

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PM2K
Always Remembered
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Joined: Wed Apr 15, 2009 6:14 pm
Location: Eastern Ontario

Re: My first contribution

Postby PM2K » Sat Oct 10, 2009 7:36 am

Nicely done! :D

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TBoneTony
Posts: 124
Joined: Wed Apr 22, 2009 2:29 am
Location: Australia

Re: My first contribution

Postby TBoneTony » Sun Oct 11, 2009 3:16 am

Always love a good story based on a game.

Perhaps is there more of this story?

Can't wait for more chapters.


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