My quicksand story contest entry

[Anna_Sinks]

Here is my submission for the contest. I hope you have as much fun reading it as I did to write it. Enjoy everyone!

La mort sur Vénère Eve
By Annette Mezenberg

It was cold snowy Halloween night; a light snow fell on the already wet road. On that lonely stretch of highway a van full of people travels back toward the city. The six occupants are coming home from a Halloween party, a husband and wife, Becky and Steven; and their friends Jack, Lucy, Greg, and Jennifer who had come along for the fun. All of them had a bit too much to drink except for Becky who was pregnant and driving. There is music playing the background but the sounds in the van are mostly of people talking.

Since it was a costume party everyone was dressed up in various costumes. Becky was dressed as a high school cheerleader. It was blue and gold with matching pompoms. She had her medium length brown hair loose, with it tucked around her ears. The make-up she wore accented her blue eyes. Steven was dressed up to match Becky as the jock. He borrowed Jacks lettermen jacket from his high school days. It was blue and Gold; which is why Becky bought her costume custom to match his. His hair was short and gelled at the top and sides and loosely curved to the back. Lucy was dressed as a black cat. She had on the ears and the suit was lined on the outside with fake fur and a tail. She also wore her black pumps. She was wearing a necklace and earring set to give the costume a little more flair. Her shoulder length red hair was tied in a bun to make her cat ears more stable on her head. Jack was dressed up as a cowboy. He bought an off the shelf costume. He added his own cowboy hat and boots to make it look better. His blond hair was short and messy from wearing the hat all night. Greg was a sci-fi junky so it was no surprise when he was picked up dressed as a Boba Fett. Some people rolled their eyes but he did get a few congratulations on his detail lever of his costume. He was not wearing his helmet at the time so he had to keep fixing his hair. He kept sweeping it to the back. Jennifer always liked to stand out. She was a pure tease. So when she was picked up no one was really surprised that she was dressed as a nurse. It was the pure stereotypical outfit. It was tight so it showed off all her curves. Just the way she liked it. She even went as far as wearing her knee high leather boots. She accessorized with a matching diamond jewelry set of two bracelets, a necklace, and earrings. Her makeup was all done up and she wore blood-red lip stick. Her green eyes shimmered with the sparkles she had lightly sprinkled around them. Her long, strawberry-blonde hair was free and flowed down to the middle of her back. It was a surprise to some that Greg had won the costume party contest. The judges applauded his attention to detail.

“That sure was a fun time tonight. I am glad you talked me into it.” Steven said to Becky.

“I am glad you had fun tonight dear. I knew you would. Isn’t that better than sitting a home playing computer games all night with Greg?” Becky replied.

“Yes it was.” Steven said as he reached out and took Becky’s hand.

“Did you have fun Greg? Or should I call you Mr. First prize?” Steven said turning around to give Greg and “High Five”.

“Ya it was pretty cool. I didn’t think I would win.” Greg replied accepting the “High Five”.

However, two of the occupants were not having that good of a time. Seems Jack and Lucy do not seem to mix well together. So they spent most of the time arguing, while Greg kept taking glances over at Jennifer. He liked her but was too shy to ever ask her out. So he just sat there staring out the window while Jennifer sat and listened to Jack and Lucy.

“Jack why are you always such a prick? You think just because you are on the football farm team that gives you the right to be an asshole?” Lucy snapped at Jack.

“You’re just jealous because I am more popular than you are. That is what you are all pissed about. You wish you were as famous as me!” Jack shouted back at her.

“You are just a semi-pro player! You aren't good enough to make it to the NFL that's why you're still here; you’re only famous in your own mind! Face it you are a coward and a loser!”

“Ha! I'm a loser! Look at you! You’re just a prima donna who cannot stand being second best! You’re just a bitch, that’s why no one likes you!”

“Alright guys. How about you two calm down a bit. Let’s not ruin a good night of partying with some arguing.” Steven said turning around trying to put out the fire.

“Fine, I've wasted enough time on her.”

“Yeah, I have wasted enough time on you too!” Lucy replied as she turned to look out the window and sulk.

The van kept rolling down the highway. It was very dark and there seemed to be no other vehicles on the road. Off in the distance a couple of blinking orange lights can be seen through the darkness. As the van approached the lights a sign can be seen.

“What are those lights?” Becky asked Steven.

“I don't know. “ Steven replied.

The head lights shone on the sign that read “Road Closed”. As the van stopped the occupants took notice of the surroundings. The snow had built up on the other side of the road. There were no other tracks but the ones they just made. A detour sign pointed down a road off the highway. It was dark road with forest on both sides. Snow had built up on it as well, and there was no indication of tire tracks of any other cars that may have been through there.

“Well what do you think Steve? Should we go down the detour? I don't know this area.” Becky asked as she looked down the dark road.

“Well I guess we should go down the detour. What do you guys think?” Looking into the back to see what everyone else thought. There was a collective “yes” from the group.

“Okay then, here we go!” Becky stated as she turned the van down the detour.

The road was dark, gloomy, and rolled from left to right, and there were trees on both sides. Becky drove slowly and carefully, as the head lights seemed unable to penetrate the thickness of the night. Then, without warning the road came to an end at a path. Becky tried to stop in time, but the road was snow covered and, icy. The van skidded into a couple of trees and a ditch at the side of the road.

“Holy shit! What just happened?” Groaned Jack from the backseat.

“Did we miss the turn or something?” Lucy asked.

“Are you alright Becky?” Asked Steven, who noticed Becky was breathing hard and gripping the wheel very tightly.

“No I am not alright! I just crashed the van.” Becky stammered back to him.

“Is everyone alright back there?” Steven asked, as he turned around. They all nodded yes.

“Well then, we need to get this van out of the ditch. Greg and Jack give me a hand pushing will you?” Steven started opening the door of the van.

Everyone jumped when a figure suddenly appeared in the front passenger window.

“Are you alright?” Spoke the stranger as he tapped on the window.

Steven rolled down the window a bit to answer the man.

“Yes we are okay. We've got our van stuck in the ditch. But I'm sure we can get it out.” Replied Steven as he started to undo his seat belt.

“Oh that’s good. I wouldn’t want anyone to miss out on the fun.” The man said laughingly. He took a small metal object out of his pocket. He pushed the button on top of the metal object and tossed it into the open window of the van. Within seconds the van filled with smoke.

“What the hell?!” Coughed Steven as the group was rendered unconscious by the gas.

“Now the fun begins!” The man said cackling.

Becky’s eyes begun to flutter open as she regained consciousness. Her vision is blurred, and her head was spinning. As her head clears; so does her vision. She started to look around to find out where she's at. She realized quickly that she was no longer in the van. She's actually in some sort of dark, damp room. She is tied up and hanging by her wrists. The pain of being suspended by her wrists makes its way into her brain, she cries out in pain. On the other side of the room she hears a familiar voice.

“Becky is that you?” Steven called out.

“Yes, it is. Where are you? I cannot see you!” Becky replied.

“Allow me to fix that for you.” A man said with a raspy voice on the other side of the room.

Florescent lights flickered to life, and for the first time Becky and Steven could see each other. Becky was suspended over an open rimmed tank with gray liquid in it. Steven was locked in a cage. In front of him was a large square strip of sand. Steven rushed to the front of the cage, seeing Becky in her current state.

“Oh my god Becky you have to hang on I'll try to get out of here!” Steven yelled.

“Oh you will have your chance to get out.” The man snarled.

Becky and Steven couldn’t see him all that well. But there was a man standing on a platform in front of the door, the lights cast a shadow on him. It was obvious that he could see clearly across the room to watch Becky and Steven struggle.

“Welcome to my home, you’re probably wondering why you're here. You see, I am a Watcher; I enjoy capturing people to entertain myself with their struggling moral dilemmas. Every Hallows Eve I capture would be prey such as you, and your friends. Then I test them. There are several cameras placed everywhere throughout my home to document all of your struggles so that I can watch them again and again and again. You my guests are the entertainment for the evening. Oh, I think we are all going to have a very amusing time at this party.” The Watcher explained to them sneering in a very creepy and sinister way.

“What is it you want from us? Just let us go! We've done absolutely nothing to you!” Becky pleaded with The Watcher.

“What I want from you is a good show. If you give me a good performance, one of you will be free to go. The others will all be doomed!” The Watcher spoke unsurprisingly gleefully as he wrung his hands in anticipation.

“You will never get away with this you psycho!” Steven yelled in frustration.

“Oh but I will, you see that’s a tank filled with quick drying cement she is dangling over, and in front of you is a box of dry quicksand.” The Watcher stated. As he began to push a few buttons, a startling vibrating sound started coming up from the floor. The Sand began to shake and vibrate. As the sand began to vibrate, the rope that Becky was suspended from began to lengthen. As Becky is slowly descending towards the cement, the door in front of Steven began to open.

“You have two choices Steven. If you wish to live then you must stay in the cell, however if you do stay in your cage, your wife will become my new statue. That one will be nice. I don’t have a cheerleader yet. But if you jump out of the cell and into the box of dry quicksand in front of you she gets to live.” The Watcher calmly explained.

“Now choose!” The Watcher laughed maniacally.

Becky started to struggle against the rope she hung from. Steven watched helplessly as his wife was lowered down to the cement. He then looked down at the pit of dry quicksand rippling in the vibrations.

“How do I know you'll keep your word and she'll go free?” Steven asked.

“No Steven you can’t! You have to get out and help the others!” Becky called out.

“Forget the others! I need to save you! I love you! Think of our baby!” Steven yelled back at Becky.

“Oh she will go free. I promise. All you have to do is jump.” The Watcher spoke as his voice broke up, as he coughed a little.

“Ok, fine then. I love you Baby! Take care of the little one!” Steven yelled to Becky. He took one last look at Becky before jumping out of the cell into the dry quicksand.

“Oh my god please Steven don’t do it!” Becky cried. But it was too late. Steven stepped out of the cage and fell right in the center of the dry quicksand. Becky watched hopelessly and helplessly at Steven in the sand.

Tears streamed down Becky’s face as she watched in horror as her husband was swallowed by the sand.

“You bastard, I'll fucking killing you!” Becky yelled at him.

“Not likely my dear.” The Watcher laughed. Becky continued to descend into the cement. Her feet touched the surface of the cement and broke through.

“You said you would set me free! You lied to us!” Becky sobbed.

“I did not lie! I said I would set you free. I just did not say which part I was going to set free. You see, your soul will be free!” The Watcher laughed.

“Besides it wasn't a good enough show yet. I am afraid you two didn't entertain me as much as I would've hoped. Goodbye dear Becky.” The Watcher spoke as he witnessed Becky dip into the tank of cement.

Becky could do nothing now but watch the cement as it rose up her legs. It’s cold clammy touch making her shiver. Pain ran through her as the mixture irritated her skin and burned. Tears fell from her face and mixed with the grey morass below. As the mix crept up her belly she thought of her unborn child and dead husband and sobbed to herself. She looked out to the sand that had taken her husband. As the cement climbed up her chest she began to pray, it was getting hard to breathe now. The cement reached her chin and she tilted her head back hoping for a few more breaths to finish her prayer. She looked up at the lights and at the rope that ensnared her. She closed her eyes as the murky mixture covered her face. She could feel it covering her arms and eventually her hands. She tried to hold her breath but she couldn’t and she let it go. Her mouth opened and the cement flooded into her lungs. Bubbles exploded on the surface of where she had vanished. When the bubbles stopped, the rope tightened and her lifeless body was plucked from the tank. Her skin was now plastered with the cement and it began to dry.

“What a lovely new statue to add to my collection of life like art. That was fun but let see if your friends are even more fun!” Cackled The Watcher as he walked out the door.

Meanwhile Jack and Lucy had been awake for awhile now and have been calling for help with nobody to answer. It was pitch black in here as well. Neither of them could see anything and knew little about their surroundings. Lucy was trapped in a glass flared tube, and her feet were shackled to the floor. Jack was half stuck in a pit of what was a semi solid liquid. He was suspended by a harness and a rope.

With a quick flash the room was lit up and they both covered their eyes because of the intensity of the light. As their eyes adjusted to the light they could now see where they were. She was trapped in what appeared to be an hour glass. He was suspended half way in a pool of grey clay. Once again The Watcher walked through a door and onto a platform high on the wall.

“Welcome my guests I am The Watcher. Sorry I took so long to get to you. Unfortunately your friends Becky and Steven didn't put on a very good show before they died. So I hope you two will be more fun than they were.” The Watcher sneered.

“What the hell is going on here? Let us go Psycho!” Lucy called out.

“Well what is going on here Lucy is Jack has a choice. When the sand starts flowing you have that much time for Jack to decide which one of you is going to die. Jack in your pocket is a knife in which you can cut the rope and sacrifice yourself to save Lucy. The timer starts now.” Explained The Watcher as he pushed a few buttons and sand started to pour onto Lucy’s head.

“Shit Lucy what are we going to do? I mean I don’t like you but I don’t want you to die. But I don’t want to die either!”

“I'm the same way Jack. It seems you're the only one that doesn’t have to die, it just sucks that it’s me that is going to.”

“But I will never forgive myself for letting you die while I hang here helpless.”

The sand flowed over Lucy and was now up to her mid thigh; time was running out, they had to think fast. Jack tried to climb up the rope but the extra weight of the clay on his lower body was too much for him to lift.

“I guess there's no choice but for me to cut the rope if it means saving you.”

“No Jack you can’t! Just hang on there must be another way.”

“No there isn’t and you know it.” Jack said as he pulled out the knife.

“I am sorry about all the hurtful things I said to you Lucy. Forgive me?”

“Oh god I am sorry too! I forgive you.” Lucy replied.

Jack held the knife to the rope but just stared at it. He couldn’t bring himself to cut the rope. He began to shake until he put the knife down.

“I am sorry Lucy. Your right I am a coward. I can’t do it.” Jack said as he began to cry and dropped the knife into the clay.

“Well we all have to die sometime Jack. Your time will come yet! But you have certainly doomed me!” Lucy called out from the glass.

“I am sorry I don’t know what else to do.” Jack wept.

The sand had now climbed up to her neck. Jack looked on as Lucy was buried alive in the hour glass by the sand. Her head was covered by the sand as her arms reached out. Dust flew out between the sand where her head used to be as her last bit of breathe was choked out of her. What was left of her arms went limp and was eventually buried when the sand ran out.

“You got what you wanted. She's dead, now let me go!” Jack screamed at The Watcher.

“No I haven't got what I wanted yet. Maybe this shall do it?” The Watcher explains as he pushed another button. A snapping noise echoed through the room as the rope is cut from the ceiling. Jack fell farther into the clay, surprised and caught off guard Jack gasped as he sunk up to his chest.

“But you can’t! I don’t want to die, please save me I beg you!” Jack pleaded as he tried to swim to the edge of the tank. The Watcher was silent. All of Jack’s efforts were in vain; he still sank deeper and got no closer to the edge. He tipped his head back as the clay was quickly giving way under him, he was about to go under.

“Oh god someone save me! NO!” Jack yelled as the clay rolled over his face with bubbles exploding on the surface. The bubbles quickly faded, the clay became still.

“Well that was interesting. But you two weren't quite what I am looking for.” The Watcher chuckled as he walked out the door and down the hall way to his last two victims.

Greg and Jennifer have been awake for quite some time and their room has been completely lit up the whole time. The room was divided in half by a wall but there was a thick glass window so they could see each other. The walls were metal and there was a chair in each one. They sat staring at each other.

“What was that noise?” Greg asked.

“It sounded like a guy screaming.” Jennifer replied.

This time a panel moved in the ceiling at one end of the room. The Watcher sat down in the chair. He had a small control panel in his hand. He went through the same speech that he had given their friends, with one difference...

“I have been entertained by your friends’ demise and I hope to get more from you!” The Watcher laughed.

“What do you want from us?” Greg called out.

“I want the truth from you both.” The Watcher replied.

“You want the truth about what?” Jennifer asked.

“Tell her Greg. You know you have been dying to.” The Watcher chuckled with maniac delight.

“Greg what is he talking about?”

“I don’t know.”

“Tell her or I'll kill you both right now!” The Watcher yelled, holding two of his fingers over the buttons.

“Okay, okay. I'll tell her.” Said Greg as he rose from his chair and stood looking at her through the window. He took a deep breath and began to speak.

“I love, and worship you Jennifer. I care about more than my own life. If it means saving you I would die for you. Jennifer I love you with all my heart.” Spoke Greg softly as placed his hand on the glass. Jennifer just looked at him. Stunned by the news she just heard. But her facial expression quickly turned to disgust.

“What?” Jennifer scoffed at him.

“Is this what that is all about? You having some stupid school boy crush on me? I would never go out with you. You’re a pathetic loser. The only reason I came tonight was Becky asked me to. You need to get a life geek.” Jennifer laughed.

“But I…I...” stammered Greg as tears began to fall.

“What a big man, can’t even take rejection.” Jennifer laughed.

“Can you let me go now whoever you are? I am tired and I want to go home. Plus the site of sci-fi boy crying here is getting old.” Exclaimed Jennifer as she got up from the chair and turned away from Greg.

“But I love you.” Greg whispered to himself.

“Now the fun begins!” The Watcher said obviously amused and pushed one of the buttons.
Jennifer stumbled as the floor started to move under her, it began to recede under the floor behind her opened up a pit of mud.

“Oh gross! What is that stuff?” Jennifer gasped at the site.

“That my dear is thick mud. It is my own recipe. Now Greg you have a choice. You can either let Jennifer’s floor run out and she dies suffocating in the muck or you can sacrifice yourself to save her by pushing that button on the wall. That will cause your own floor to move and you will fall into the mud in her place.” The Watcher explained to them.

Greg looked at Jennifer on the other side of the glass. His mind was racing with thoughts. His heart pounded in his chest. Jennifer rushed to the glass.

He thought to himself “I loved her, but how could she say those mean things to me. I have never hurt her. What a bitch.”

“Greg please you have to save me. You said you loved me right? I take back those things I said about you. I was just upset. I didn’t mean them. I swear!” Jennifer pleaded to him.

“But you did mean them! I am nothing but a joke to you! I would've given you everything.”

“I am sorry Greg please I beg of you save me!”

By now the floor was half way gone. Jennifer couldn’t look through the window anymore as the edge went passed the window. She was now backed up against the wall. She sobbed to herself. Greg was so confused by the situation. He thought he loved her. He could save her by pushing that button. Then he though why? Why should he, after all she obviously didn’t share his feelings. She would never do it to save him. But also could he live with her death on his conscience?

“You know what Jennifer. You’re a bad person and you need to be taught a lesson!” Greg yelled angrily at her.

“You’re a son of a bitch Greg! I'll see you in hell!” Jennifer yelled.

The floor disappeared from under Jennifer’s feet and she fell into the muck. She screamed as she quickly plunged up to her waist. Greg watched as the woman that tore out his heart slowly vanished. Her chest disappeared and was now up to her neck.

“Damn you Greg!”

She tried to say but the mud covered her mouth as the hole on the surface of the mud closed in over top of her. She fought against the mud but to no avail. The muck forced its way into her mouth and filled her lungs. Greg stood and watched as the last bit of air left her body. The muck became still once more after all the life drained out of her body. Only her nurses’ hat remained on the surface.

“Excellent! That was a very good show indeed. That was a great ending to my Hallows Eve Party. Greg you are free to leave.” The Watcher laughed as he applauded loudly then got up and walked off.

A door opened up behind Greg. He looked one last time at the still mud in the next room, and her hat lying there so innocently on the mud. Then turned and walked out the door. He found himself outside what looked like an old warehouse in the middle of the woods. It was still dark so he couldn’t see where he was or which side of the building he was on. The door slammed shut behind him. He turned back to look but the door seemed to vanish into the wall. He began walking in one direction tired and exhausted from his ordeal. He was unaware of his direction but he continued. He headed south east until finally he came across the road. A car was coming down the road and he flagged it down, the car stopped and he told his tale to the driver. He then got in the car and was driven back to the city, the car stopped in front of the police station and he ran in. Frantic he told the police what had happened. Day break was coming now and Greg and a few officers were driving out to find the van. There was no sign of the road closed sign. The van was right where they crashed the night before. The officers found some foot prints and drag marks which lead them to an old warehouse. Greg followed behind them. They opened the large door which was unlocked. Inside they found nothing. It was empty. Greg broke down and began to cry.

“It was here, it was all here. You have to believe me! You have to… The Watcher! The Watcher killed them all! You have to find him!” Greg yelled.

The police didn’t believe him. But they weren’t sure if he had killed his friends because of a lack of any evidence. So he was free to go. Greg was changed after the entire incident. He didn’t feel any remorse for allowing Jennifer to die. In fact he felt good. For the first time in his life he felt in control, and confident. But there was still something missing... the power he felt watching Jennifer suffer and die at the hands of The Watcher. No, at the power he felt by making the choice to not save her. He felt like he had to have more.

Greg got in his car and drove out to the path by the warehouse. He stopped his car at the path and started walking towards the warehouse at the end of the path. When he got there he went inside and started to look around. It was empty just like the police had found days before. But something this time was different. A piece of metal was moved. When he went to inspect it he found that it was an old wall panel. Behind it was an opening. It was dark, but when he moved the panel to gain more light the room lit up enough so he can see a set of stairs. The police missed this in their original search. He went into the crawl space and started down the stairs.

He found a lit hallway and started down it. When he got to the first doorway he went through it. He didn’t believe his eyes! It was the first room where Becky and Steven were killed. Becky’s body was still hanging by the rope. The cement was now completely dried. He stumbled a bit backwards out the door. He began to slowly walk down the hall once more to the next door. That room was the room Jack and Lucy died in. The clay tank Jack drowned in was all dried up on the top. The hour glass was full of the sand with Lucy’s body still encased inside. Greg was overwhelmed with emotions. These were his friends and he felt sorry for them. Once more he walked out of the room and down to the end of the hallway. From there he could see down into the room where he watched Jennifer die. The images started in his head. He started to get that rush back that he felt before. He did feel sorry about Jennifer’s death.

“I thought you might be back.” A voice came from behind Greg back down the hall.

“Who are you?” Greg asked as the man turned to face him in the hall.

“I was once like you were all weak and timid. Always being taken advantage of and bullied. I know how you feel now. The rush of power, and thirst for vengeance you experienced. It felt good watching Jennifer die didn’t it Greg.” The Watcher explained to Greg.

“But I know killing is wrong! What you did was wrong! But then why does it feel right sometimes?” Greg shook his head. He wrestled with the thoughts of right and wrong in his head.

“Well Greg you have two options. You can leave here and tell the police what you have found or you can join me.” The Watcher said with a grin. Greg just stared at him.

“You are not just going to let me go to the police.” Greg stated.

“No you're right. You'll have to get passed me. But think of the possibilities Greg. I am sure there are people that you wish to get vengeance upon. People you hate? Just like Jennifer? Join me and I will help you do it.” The Watcher said sternly. Greg thought about it. Jennifer wronged him. There are others that have done the same thing. They should be punished just like Jennifer.

“You're right, I will join you. There are too many bad people out there that need to be punished.” Greg said smiling, extending his hand to The Watcher.

“Excellent choice Greg, you shall be my apprentice. Together we shall take vengeance upon those who do us ill will.” The Watcher said shaking Greg’s Hand. Then the two began to walk down the hallway together, plotting their next Hallows Eve Party.

The End?

[stevensenechal]

Thank you for your entry! It will be listed on the voting poll on November 1st.

[maps]

Drain you of your sanity, FACE THE THING THAT SHOULD NOT BE.

[TBoneTony]

Reminds me something that could have happened in a SAW movie.

[Anna_Sinks]

The SAW concept was something I was thinking about. However I have never seen any of the movies, I just know the outline. Since I have not heard of to many (if any) quicksand traps in the movie. I though it would be a neat idea. So I ran with it.

[PM2K]

That was cool! Nice job!

[water_bug_62208]

Very nicely done. This story has the feel of the Halloween movies at feature several people meeting their demise and with one person making it out. Interesting twist of having the survivor being turned towards evil. Thanks for sharing!

[Viridian]

I like it for the reasons above: Nice horror flick feel to it; well written and good development. Nice!

[water_bug_62208]

I'm posting to this in order to keep all of the Halloween Quicksand Story Contest entries together so they don't get scattered throughout the Stories Forum.

[water_bug_62208]

Grouping the Halloween Quicksand Story Contest entries together so they're not scattered.