The run away /Julie's fate ( Woman, Grim )

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Bled 1
Posts: 10
Joined: Sat Jul 13, 2019 10:37 pm

The run away /Julie's fate ( Woman, Grim )

Postby Bled 1 » Sun Jun 27, 2021 11:24 pm

It's my first story and my English is very bad so excuse me if it is not perfect, if anyone want to re-write my story it would be good.

The Run Away

Julie is 19 years olds she had been jailed in prison for 2 years for stealing and robbing she is blonde, thin with good forms and athletic, for a little while she plans to escape by taking advantage of the shower to run away she plans to undo the bricks of the shower with an iron bar that she will get by corrupting Amanda, a guard, Amanda is sexy 29 years olds and a litlle crazy, she had a uniform and her hair are brown, behind the shower's walls there is only the forest and a wall to climb that's great Julie is athletic, her only problem is that she would be naked in the middle of nature.

Afer so much effort and patience Julie's plans is finally ready, the night during her shower she waited for Amanda to bring her bar back to her, she was stressed and impatient at the idea of go out, when Amanda got in the shower and she sees Julie she blushed and laughed "are you really going to go out like that, naked ? " Julie replied "absolutely no one will see in the forest and there is nothing dangerous" obviously Amanda does hadn't warned her about the danger of the forest

Julie undoes the bricks and snick to cross the wall, Amanda did not bother to watch her sexy ass, Julie climbs the prison wall and runs in the forest, naked in the middle of nature in the night she is cold, only the moon lights it up, Amanda curious to know what will happen to her began to follow Julie discreetly, the alarm has not yet sounded but Julie must quickly get away from the prison

After having walked far enough Julie decides to take a pose to wash herself in the nearby lake, she dives in the water and has fun, while Amanda observes her with big eyes she is all excited, Julie is so sexy in the water that Amanda thinks of masturbating but she holds back, after having finished bathing, Julie began to walk in the forest again, after leaving the lake she feels that the earth under her feet softens but she does not not careful and continue to walk until she falls into the damp earth which swallows her legs until her thights , panicked she tried to get out of the earth but in vain, Amanda still following Julie, hiding behind a tree knew the danger Julie was in however she does nothing to help her, Julie does not know what to do she not feel any bottom and cannot further advance she has not yet understood the terrible fate that awaited her, she moves her thighs and her ass and notices that the earth is taking ground and that she is sinking more and more but she continues to struggle the mud is approaching her private parts dangerously, Amanda in front of the show can not contain her joy and begins to masturbate while Julie sinks in front of her, yet she knows it if she does nothing Julie is going to die, Julie begins to panic she thinks of the terrible trap in the movies where those who fall into it sinks and drowns without leaving a trace, she begins to understand what is happening to her, and starts to cry "no, impossible I can't die like that I have to get out but how" she don't want to scream for help because there may be guards in pursuit, the earth reaches the vagina of Julie who feels embarrassed, a few steps away Amanda masturbates in silence watching Julie's magnificent body sank in the quicksand, Julie panics and struggles like a crazy but she only precipitates her grim fate, when the earth swallow her ass and her navel she decides cried for help but only Amanda can save her.

Amanda thinks saved Julie but she thinks about it and says that if she saved her and Julie was arrested by the police Julie could denounce Amanda but if Julie died here there would be no evidence against Amanda, "it's sad but I'm going to have to let you die here poor girl" said to herself Amanda who continues to masturbate, Amanda smiles sadistically when she realized what she was doing, Julie tries to catch grass from the branches and anything that can save her but in vain as the quicksand sucks her big breasts she says to herself crying "this is how I'm going to die, naked in quicksand in the middle out of nowhere and no one will know what happened? "Amanda laughed as she listened to Julie cry" this is so pathetic "she thought to herself, as Julie tried to struggle her left arm sank into the bog and Julie can't get it out, she tries to keep her right arm on the surface as the earth begins to swallow her shoulders, Amanda can't take any more pleasure she holds back but after her orgasm she screams with pleasure, Julie hears the scream and recognizes Amanda, "Amanda save me please I'm in quicksand I'm out of time "screams Julie, Amanda notices her mistake but doesn't care what Julie can do anyway she's doomed, Amanda remains silent, "I know you're here hurry, it's not funny soon!" screams Julie, as the mud claims her shoulders, Amanda decides to come out of her hiding place and shows herself to Julie, Julie is crying of joy, she is finally going to be saved, she said to herself "Amanda I've been stuck here for so long, please save m e quickly as only her head and arm are visible, but Amanda's reaction surprises her, Amanda walks up to her being careful not to step in the mud and sits in front of Julie smiling, "how you feel you "said Amanda to Julie" very badly "replied Julie who held out her hand to Amanda, But Amanda doesn't do anything and say nothing she just looks at the mud swallowed up Julie's neck and touching her chin, Amanda is smiling while Julie is still crying, why "you don't help me ! " scream Julie "quickly hurry up!" but Amanda laughs sadistically and replies "that what you are stupid Julie you really thought you would survive in this forest, naked, without any equipment or food, I think your death is deserved" Julie bursts into tears as she leans her head "no, mercy, save me i didn't do anything wrong to you i don't deserve this it's unfair "cry Julie who stares Amanda in the eye, "i will do whatever you want but pity don't let me die here "Amanda gets up and begins to undress, Julie thinks she's about to make her a rope to save her, as she takes off her uniform, her pantyhose, her pantyhose and her pantyhose she laughs, now totally naked. she looks at Julie and sits in front of the poor girl and starts to masturbate, Julie can't believe it , she's really gonna die and giving pleasure to a bitch like Amanda,

"what are you doing, stop save me quick!" as the earth begins to cover her face, Amanda is moaning now and no longer has to masturbate in silence and she can see more closely Julie sinking.

Julie cries before the mud covers her mouth she cries out and implores Amanda to save her "Quick no I don't want to die, I'm too young! Please don't that! Not here not like that!" But Amanda doesn't do it! than smile, laugh and have fun , " Please save me quickly I neblblblbl " Mphhhhh ! The mud covers Julie's mouth now only her nose, eyes and arm are left on the surface, Julie stares at Amanda who screams with pleasure at seeing this deadly but sexy show, Julie cries and Amanda laughs Amanda said to Julie "well we can say that your plan is a sucess because nobody will find you , said Amanda laughing
Mud swallows Julie's nose who takes one last breath.
As Julie's eyes get closer to the mud Amanda looks at Julie and tells her that she thanks her for all the fun she has had with her, Julie sobs and tries to speak but her face is dark in the dirt and alone. her blonde hair and hand are visible Amanda screams with pleasure as bubbles pop up where Julie has sunk.

Amanda has a second orgasm and cries of pleasure as the mud in front of her shakes and Julie's hand sinks into the mud. Amanda looks at Julie's hand slipped under the bog and only bubbles are now visible

The peat bog is agitated following the panicked movements of Julie who pray for air; then everything ends up calming down Julie under the surface is lack of air she fainted ..... without being able to do anything ....
The last bubble goes up then nothing indicating Julie's struggle is present. Only Amanda remains naked in front of the pit that swallowed Julie, she is still laughing Amanda says "it was fun isn't it Julie ? "but no one answers her. Amanda gets dressed and comes back to jail then takes a hot bath


The next day we notice the absence of Julie in her cell, the police researche her but Julie was never found only Amanda knows her tragic end

End.

ghostofmyeyes
Posts: 104
Joined: Fri Apr 17, 2009 3:07 pm

Re: The run away /Julie's fate ( Woman, Grim )

Postby ghostofmyeyes » Wed Jun 30, 2021 5:42 am

I like your story. Trickery, nudity, and a grim ending? Can't lose.

Seems to me your meaning carries across overall, even with unusual grammar. However, to replace many of those commas with periods would help readability a lot.

Please do share any more stories you come up with!

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Theo
Posts: 692
Joined: Sat Feb 13, 2021 4:12 am
Location: Sinking Fantasyland

Re: The run away /Julie's fate ( Woman, Grim )

Postby Theo » Thu Jul 01, 2021 9:44 pm

Agreed with ghostofmyeyes, not bad at all for your first story. Great idea and story progression, though it could’ve been a little longer with a little more detail but that’s just me (long stories are kinda my thing).

I’ll tell you what helps me a lot with editing is to use a speech reader to read my story back to myself several times, not only for spelling and grammar, but also anything that just doesn’t sound right will stick out like a sore thumb. Windows Word has a speech reader option, or else just search online for “text to speech” and a few free online options should come up.

When I get a chance, I’ll take a shot at editing your story and PM you the results if you like.

Thanks for sharing, and looking forward to your next idea!
Finally broke down and went to see a psychologist. She told me I just have an overactive imagination—and it really excited her. We're going sinking next weekend. Theo's AI Quicksandbox New stuff every weekend (unless life gets in the way)

Bled 1
Posts: 10
Joined: Sat Jul 13, 2019 10:37 pm

Re: The run away /Julie's fate ( Woman, Grim )

Postby Bled 1 » Thu Jul 01, 2021 11:09 pm

thank you for your feedback it would be fantastic if you rewrite my story


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