Saved By The Past

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Theo
Posts: 369
Joined: Sat Feb 13, 2021 4:12 am
Location: Sinking Fantasyland

Saved By The Past

Postby Theo » Thu Dec 09, 2021 7:40 am

A first-hand account of a woman who suddenly finds herself alone and lost in a jungle and almost didn’t make it out alive, but for a little help from a most astounding find.

Another survival/drama story I actually wrote almost a year ago, but by the standard of Die Hard being a Christmas movie, I thought it might be a good story for December, as some of it is set around Christmas. It's also my first attempt at a first-person story so I hope it worked out okay. Please let me what you think, thank you for reading as always, and holiday wishes and greetings to all!

P.S. Sorry about the file size. I have no idea why it has to be so big for a simple background texture on a few pages.
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If you could read my mind, oh what quicksand tales my thoughts would tell!
Seriously, I wish I could save time writing by copying and pasting from my thoughts lol.

Viridian
Posts: 1211
Joined: Wed Apr 15, 2009 10:03 am

Re: Saved By The Past

Postby Viridian » Wed Dec 22, 2021 8:17 am

Unfortunate that no one's commented, so I'll chip in. As usual, the narrative structure is amazing. It's wrapped together with very good bookends and was a thrilling read, so as far as the writing goes, top notch. I didn't enjoy the quicksand elements as much, to be critical. The concept was interesting, but because of the way you chose to frame the sink as a diary entry, I found it hard to get into because it was unavoidably passive in tone, plus the journal entries felt like the bulk of the story (within a story). Basically, the pacing felt off because we had to read the journal to progress through the story. In contrast, the protagonist's encounter with quicksand felt somewhat rushed compared to the journal.

Overall, excellent story, but not one I enjoyed as much as your other ones.
Viridian @ deviantART: http://viridianqs.deviantart.com/

User avatar
Theo
Posts: 369
Joined: Sat Feb 13, 2021 4:12 am
Location: Sinking Fantasyland

Re: Saved By The Past

Postby Theo » Thu Dec 23, 2021 9:13 pm

Viridian wrote:Unfortunate that no one's commented, so I'll chip in. As usual, the narrative structure is amazing. It's wrapped together with very good bookends and was a thrilling read, so as far as the writing goes, top notch. I didn't enjoy the quicksand elements as much, to be critical. The concept was interesting, but because of the way you chose to frame the sink as a diary entry, I found it hard to get into because it was unavoidably passive in tone, plus the journal entries felt like the bulk of the story (within a story). Basically, the pacing felt off because we had to read the journal to progress through the story. In contrast, the protagonist's encounter with quicksand felt somewhat rushed compared to the journal.

Overall, excellent story, but not one I enjoyed as much as your other ones.


Thank you Viridian! Yeah, I was kinda wondering about this one after two weeks so I really appreciate your frank review. I knew it was a little “experimental,” being my first attempt at a first-person story, so I wasn’t sure if it was going to work or not. I may try again with the writing style on a more on topic story some other time.

You hit the nail on the head, “a story within a story” was my original idea exactly. I wasn’t really trying too hard on the quicksand elements, I think I was going for more of a “candid,” first-person story, as well as a sort of “feel-good” story for the holidays. I’ve never had a diary/journal myself, nor have I ever read anyone else’s that I remember, so I was at a little disadvantage there. The second quicksand scene was kind of a last-minute addition, I figured I couldn’t get away with naming a character Sandy and not putting her into some quicksand lol.

Anyways, thank you again, and Merry Christmas!
If you could read my mind, oh what quicksand tales my thoughts would tell!
Seriously, I wish I could save time writing by copying and pasting from my thoughts lol.


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