My first attempt

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arvas
Posts: 5
Joined: Tue Dec 14, 2021 9:07 am

My first attempt

Postby arvas » Tue Dec 14, 2021 4:03 pm

The first dirty story
Clarification 1: This is my first story, I do not know how to write correctly. Please criticize him so that I can write better, thank you.Clarification 2: My English level is below deep quicksand, so I will use online translation, thank you for understanding. Have fun reading.

Sasha was a student of the Faculty of Philology at Moscow State University. She had a beautiful figure of a perfect hourglass, big elastic breasts, strong hips and a round ass. She had love with many guys and women, but no one gave her as much pleasure as what she got when she was a teenager. She had bright green eyes, one of her lovers called her a kitten and said that her eyes glow in the dark. She was on the bus and listening to the radio. The presenter said that after the floods, many dangerous quicksand appeared. When Sasha heard "Dangerous Quicksands", she leaned back in the seat, moaned softly and put her hand to her groin. "The leggings are wet," she thought, biting her lip. When she arrived at the country house, her mother called her. She asked why Sasha began to skip classes, because she was an excellent student. "I'm very tired," Sasha said, biting her lower lip. Her eyes sparkled when she saw the forest outside the window. Sasha put on her favorite denim shorts, which barely covered her amazing ass. She couldn't resist and slapped her ass.Then she put on a pink sports top, which only slightly covered her elastic tits. She imagined what was waiting for her and began to moan. Sasha pulled on black tight-fitting boots above her knees and left the house. She walked through the forest for a long time until she found a large valley of bubbling quicksand. Sasha couldn't hold back the rolling wave of ecstasy. She walked slowly and carefully into the quicksand, each step was heavier than the previous one, but Sasha was moving towards the goal. She wanted to simking!!! After walking far enough from the shore, Sasha looked at the boots that had disappeared up to the calves. She rubbed her legs together. The soft mud slowly squeezed her legs and took them inch by inch. When Sasha felt that she had sunk to her knees, she moaned and unbuttoned her shorts to please herself with her right hand. With her left hand, she took hold of her breasts, her hard nipples could be seen through the top. Sasha gently rubbed her nipples and bosom while the quicksand absorbed her powerful thighs. Closing her eyes and lifting her face to the sky, she enjoyed simkinging. When the girl's hips almost completely sank and the soft mud began to lightly touch the girl's buttocks, Sasha bent over with excitement and moaned heavily. She barely restrained the orgasm, and began to move her pelvis back and forth, sinking deeper. When the mud touched the round ass, Sasha opened the simkinged lips of her pussy and let the quicksand flow into her. From such excitement, she threw her head back, her nipples became even harder, Sasha screamed loudly, but restrained the orgasm until the final. The quicksand swallowed her deeper and deeper. When the dirt began to tickle her tummy, Sasha arched her lower back painfully, through the excitement she hardly said: "Yes, yes, yes! Take me! Devour me! SIMKING ME COMPLETELY!!!" - she squeezed her eyes and bent forward holding back the coming orgasm. She continued to sink without thinking about liberation. The quicksand strongly squeezed her boots, and did not allow her to move her legs, Sasha moved her pelvis back and forth, sinking deeper and deeper. Quicksand began to squeeze her ribs one by one. This pain brought Sasha incredible ecstasy, she had never experienced anything like this in her life. The dirt began to touch her tits, Sasha, screaming with excitement, bent down, simkinging her breasts.Her red hair, which covered her shoulder blades, now fanned out on the ground. The quicksand touched the girl's nipples, allowing her to release her left hand. Sasha lowered her hand and opened her womb even wider, allowing the quicksand to please her even more intensely. Sasha screamed as she moved back and forth, sinking her armpits. Sasha felt a pleasant tingling of her feet squeezed by boots, and a strong pressure on her magnificent waist hidden under the mud. The collarbones slowly sank, Sasha screamed louder and louder, tears came out of her, because of the strong excitement. Sweating, she exhaled, and carefully watched as her shoulders were lost. When the quicksand swallowed her neck with the slowness of a boa constrictor, Sasha did her best not to cum earlier than necessary. But the excitement was overwhelming. She threw her head back and opened her bright green eyes wide, which glistened with ecstasy. When the quicksand gently began to touch her chin, Sasha remembered her whole life and rejoiced at the fulfillment of her MAIN dream. The girl was ready to die in such a deep quagmire. she almost let out her entire orgasm. But Sasha restrained herself, expecting complete simkinging. When the quicksand swallowed her forehead and lower lips, Sasha began to breathe deeply and quickly, She took a deep breath and abruptly went under the surface of the quicksand. Sasha felt her lungs begin to fry her from the inside. My heart was pounding at the speed of light. Sasha released all the accumulated orgasm, her body vibrated and shook from the overflowing orgasm of the girl. Sasha felt like with every mouthful of dirt, her lungs burned harder, she was shaking more intensely, the orgasm was better, and had long since crossed all possible boundaries. The girl was vibrating and shaking incredibly hard and hot. She Then experienced a real surge of excitement, Sasha opened her cute mouth wide, unable to keep her excitement and froze in the pose of the last ecstasy. The surface of the quicksand was shaking very much, and bubbling, as if boiling. Then there were fewer and fewer bubbles. The quicksand hid all traces of the fact that there was a young student here, who allowed the quagmire to play with her until the very end.

SPACEMARINE394
Posts: 71
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Re: My first attempt

Postby SPACEMARINE394 » Wed Dec 15, 2021 12:45 am

Some spelling errors but those are understandable. You may also want to break this into paragraphs. Other than those this looks good.
FOR THE EMPEROR

MaitoGaiYouth
Posts: 19
Joined: Sun Oct 11, 2020 5:34 am

Re: My first attempt

Postby MaitoGaiYouth » Wed Dec 15, 2021 6:35 pm

This writing style seems a bit too familiar

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Theo
Posts: 369
Joined: Sat Feb 13, 2021 4:12 am
Location: Sinking Fantasyland

Re: My first attempt

Postby Theo » Sun Dec 19, 2021 10:02 pm

You certainly hit all the right notes there, just needs a little spelling and grammar help. My only critique from a story telling stand point: for an erotic story with a grim ending, I prefer it to be more, “unintentional.” I find it all the more interesting and believable when for example: she loses her grasp on the rope, or she sinks deeper than she intended, or maybe the quicksand is much thicker than she expected, and she suddenly discovers she can’t escape. But hey, that’s just me. Still good for a first story.
If you could read my mind, oh what quicksand tales my thoughts would tell!
Seriously, I wish I could save time writing by copying and pasting from my thoughts lol.

arvas
Posts: 5
Joined: Tue Dec 14, 2021 9:07 am

Re: My first attempt

Postby arvas » Thu Dec 30, 2021 12:04 pm

SPACEMARINE394 wrote:Some spelling errors but those are understandable. You may also want to break this into paragraphs. Other than those this looks good.

I will try to make fewer mistakes. Thank you for telling me about the paragraphs. In the next story I will add paragraphs

arvas
Posts: 5
Joined: Tue Dec 14, 2021 9:07 am

Re: My first attempt

Postby arvas » Thu Dec 30, 2021 12:13 pm

Theo wrote:You certainly hit all the right notes there, just needs a little spelling and grammar help. My only critique from a story telling stand point: for an erotic story with a grim ending, I prefer it to be more, “unintentional.” I find it all the more interesting and believable when for example: she loses her grasp on the rope, or she sinks deeper than she intended, or maybe the quicksand is much thicker than she expected, and she suddenly discovers she can’t escape. But hey, that’s just me. Still good for a first story.

Thanks for the feedback. I wasn't trying to achieve realism. The lack of verisimilitude is an artistic idea. The rope idea is very good


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