Deadly Summer Resort (women/men, sexual content, multiple sinking, snake, grim)

[GTorborg77]

Greetings, all. This story is adapted from the story Deadly Summer written by Bled 1. I was very impressed with the story and the characters, even though she (I’m assuming; I actually don’t know if Bled 1 is male or female) had difficulty with English. Some of the dialog was very awkward and the introduction of a 7th character wasn’t really handled all that well. I decided to put together a new version of the story, with some changes.

Spoiler alert if you haven’t already read the original story. In fact, if you haven’t read the original Deadly Summer, go out and search for it in this forum now and then come back. Here, though, is what I changed.

• I cleaned up the dialog, as by the author’s own admission, English was her (?) second language. Grammar and tense needed to be fixed in many places, and some lines seemed out of sequence.
• The character named Christina changed names to Christie and back again multiple times in the original story; I made sure they all referred to Christina by name.
• I changed two of the characters to men. Julie became Jules, while Lara became Lane. They meet the same fates as the original characters.
  The woman introduced late in the story as Luna is now introduced first, by name, gets more of a back story, and actually becomes a “main character.” I also changed her fate at the end.
• I put what I think is an interesting twist on Sasha’s sink. I’d love to know what you think.
• I changed the encounter with the tourists and Jules (formerly Julie) trapped in the car (now an SUV) to be a scene for Luna and a police officer. Having tourists enter the scene didn’t make sense in the context of the rest of the story.
• I made some further changes to both snake encounters to better account for science. A person fully inside a snake would suffocate fairly quickly and would not be able to call out or scream loudly enough to be heard.
• The lake became a river instead, and I eliminated the cliff jump as being unrealistic as well.

As someone who took a college minor in Creative Writing, I critiqued myself on this story, and found that my main problem is getting too wordy and too detailed. This story is now 50% longer in pages and 130% longer in total words than the original. However, I think you will enjoy the slow burn and all the big scenes, especially towards the end. I invite your evaluations, though.

If anyone is interested in creating illustrations (using AI, drawings, or manips) after reading this, contact me through my profile and I’ll gladly send you a copy of the original Google Documents file I used.

As I commented on the original story, this would make an incredible horror movie if it was in the hands of a skilled screenwriter, which I am not. I am, however, a pretty good story writer, and this variation of the story should be pleasing to everyone including, hopefully, someone from a studio who could bring the story to life. A theatrical release would be unlikely, as the sexual content would garner a certain NC-17 rating. At any rate, here is the new revised version of the story. Enjoy!

[Enzou]

Hi, I am Bled1 and I would like to thank you a lot for having remastered this old story of mine, the result is really better and you corrected a lot of misstakes I did and it makes a really mich better story to enjoy. Thank you again !