Haunted

[Theo]

The haunting tale of two young women, and their wickedly messy capers in mud and quicksand.

Inspired in part by the song “Haunted” by Beyoncé (the version without the spoken word/rap part lol).

Hope you enjoy, and happy Halloween y'all!

[ghostofmyeyes]

I'm not seeing a link

edit: all good, it appeared after I commented

[GTaggert]

Ahhh a very fine story, Theo! Thanks for this!

[Theo]

I'm not seeing a link

edit: all good, it appeared after I commented

That's probably because at that very moment I was switching out the file out with minor edit Hope you enjoyed it!

Ahhh a very fine story, Theo! Thanks for this!

Your very welcome GTaggert, and thank you!

[ChaosGlassSpider]

Amazing work Theo! Always love a pleasure-peril story! You really hit the nail on the head with this one! Eagerly awaiting your next piece!

[Theo]

Amazing work Theo! Always love a pleasure-peril story! You really hit the nail on the head with this one! Eagerly awaiting your next piece!

Thank you ChaosGlassSpider! I love mixing themes (in case you couldn't tell )

[ghostofmyeyes]

I like a lot how the relatively carefree eroticism of the early part covertly sets the stage for the particulars of the dramatic tension and release in the later part.
Also, I always get a kick out of a story where "you can't go under" quicksand physics are invoked, but later the characters discover that their mileage may vary in the field

[Theo]

I like a lot how the relatively carefree eroticism of the early part covertly sets the stage for the particulars of the dramatic tension and release in the later part.
Also, I always get a kick out of a story where "you can't go under" quicksand physics are invoked, but later the characters discover that their mileage may vary in the field

"Mileage may vary in the field," well said lol One could also say it's not so much that you "can't" go under, it's more a question of "can you get back up in time," as the ladies here discovered

Thanks ghostofmyeyes, glad you liked it!

[65sinking]

You don't post stories often, but every time you do so, it's yet another amazing piece.

This story was very emotional in so many ways. Apologies if this comes across as a little garbled.

I loved how this was a story that literally took place over the course of several years, showing how this was a relationship that burned intensely but also faded at times, yet never truly went away. I enjoyed their fun pleasurable escapades when they were younger, with subtle hints of danger and peril. I really liked the friendship between Audrey and Roxanne, how Roxanne clearly desired a closer, more physical bond with Audrey while they sank together, while Audrey was always the more reserved one who turned Roxanne away and preferred to be by herself, even in the presence of her supposed best friend.

The way you wrote their little adventures while in college, I kept forgetting that I was reading a story titled "Haunted." It was written in such a light-hearted manner, that I kept expecting the story to culminate in Audrey finally giving in to Roxanne's advances, and they'd share a wonderful intimate time in the quicksand (I guess they kind of did... in the end). I'd finished that part where Audrey and Roxanne thought they were about to go under but managed to escape, then realised that I was still only halfway through, which took me by surprise.

Having inevitably drifted apart from friends whom I was once very close with, I also felt very sad over how their friendship fizzled out. I loved how Roxanne managed to convince Audrey to join her for another sink, but I was very surprised (and very alarmed) at what happened to Roxanne. In some way, I was sharing in Audrey's shock, disbelief, grief, and guilt. Oh Roxanne, she'd finally managed to achieve what she had been searching for, but at what cost? I only wish we'd also gotten a look from Roxanne's perspective. But then Audrey's realisation that Roxanne was gone might not have hit so hard.

I kept hoping that Roxanne would eventually resurface, so my heart genuinely broke when it turned out that it was her one and only experience going under. Poor Roxanne, if only she'd gotten to know some tips and tricks from people in certain online spaces, or gotten to know some fetish video producers...

The final part made me understand why this was titled "Haunted". I looked up the lyrics to the song, and even if there's no direct reference to the lyrics, I can definitely understand the sentiments and emotions expressed. Having gone through a bad breakup in the past, I've even unironically told friends that I was haunted by memories of the past and visions of a future that would never be, so to me, it almost seems as if Audrey went through a terrible breakup with Roxanne.

While I wasn't sure if Audrey would survive her solo visit to the mud, I expected that it would be her final chance to make peace with herself, to finally give in and truly enjoy sinking with Roxanne. And it paid off so well. In some way, it's almost as if they were truly meant to be together, sharing a secret, forbidden love for each other and the pleasures of sinking that transcends everything else.

I find the drama and peril of stories with grim endings very exciting, but I also always like to think that the damsels somehow miraculously manage to escape, so in an alternate timeline, maybe Roxanne survived, finally managed to have an emotional, erotic sinking experience with Audrey, they both had a close shave but managed to escape, and Roxanne went on to have an illustrious career making sexy quicksand videos and selling them online... But maybe that's why these endings hit hard for me. Like real life, things don't always go to plan, and the characters we create for our stories don't always get to pursue the lives they could have enjoyed. At least I feel like Roxanne really enjoyed her final sink, and made peace with herself as well when she realised that she wasn't able to reach the surface, with Audrey unaware of her fate.

Such a tragic, bittersweet tale. I don't know how long you spent on this, but it truly felt like a labour of love from you.

[Theo]

You don't post stories often, but every time you do so, it's yet another amazing piece.

This story was very emotional in so many ways. Apologies if this comes across as a little garbled.

I loved how this was a story that...

Holy cow! I do believe this shatters the record for the longest comment I’ve ever received on a story. First off, my sincere thanks for your sincere review. Now a little response to expound on some things you touched on.

One of my other passions being music, both in listening and playing as a (very) novice pianist, I often draw inspiration from music, whether directly or indirectly, or if I make mention of it or not. I have at least one other story (another Halloween story coincidentally) if you haven’t seen it from a while back titled: The Legend of Seven Devils Swamp, which was inspired by the song Seven Devils by Florance + Machine (as well as a real place actually), and eventually I’ll probably do more with a theme song (or you could say, “end credits song,” if it were a movie ).

I'd long been toying with the thought of setting a story to Haunted, and the idea finally started to materialize probably sometime last winter. As far as the lyrics, you hit the nail on the head—I know they didn’t really align well with the end story, but the emotion, or you could say, “spirit,” as well as the title of the song I feel is befitting, and I think there’s some few, subtle/indirect references to the lyrics: “I know if I'm haunting you, you must be haunting me,” for one example. I interpreted it as a sort of retrospect of a past lust; someone haunted by a said and done relationship they can never revisit, which ultimately became the basis for the story.

But, being so busy this summer, I didn’t get around to writing the story in earnest until about the first week in October. I normally take a few months (or even longer) to write a story, so it was a bit of a marathon, and I debated off and on whether or not I’d finish in time, or if I should just wait until next Halloween. But towards the end, I was getting so close, and I really didn’t want to wait till next year. So I pushed a little, and got it done at the eleventh hour—on Halloween Eve. I do feel like I could’ve taken a little more time to further polish it; normally, I like to edit and proof read it two or three times over, but I only had time for about one and a half-ish proof reads on this one. But it would seem that it was apt to leave well enough alone, and despite the rush, it all came out relatively quick, and I very much enjoyed writing it—as always.

As to Roxanne’s fate, normally I do lean more towards happy endings in stories (AI and WildLife stuff are a different story, no pun intended. Sometimes a grim ending is just easier to work with in those mediums), especially with a “close shave,” as you well put it, or perhaps better put, a “deep shave” But like I’ve said many a time, and what you also eluded too, not every story can have a happy ending, and it wouldn’t be called “Haunted,” if there wasn’t someone passed on to do the haunting, and it wouldn’t be a Halloween story if there wasn’t some grim horror to it

I like to think what happened was more of a release for Roxanne; a release from her frustrating pursuit of satisfying her fantasy, and that she quickly accepted and made peace with her fate the moment she realized she wasn’t going to make it. But when she later realized that Audrey wasn’t able to fully come to terms with what had happened to her, Roxanne’s spirit decided to intervene, drawing Audrey back to her, and convincing her to make peace with herself—but not before one last stab at her own carnal desire for Audrey

I do rather like your tantalizing idea for an alternate ending, and if one believes in alternate universes, it is a quite likely scenario. However, in this version/universe, had Roxanne survived, I tend to think the prospect of becoming a fetish star—though quite enticing to her—would’ve been unlikely. What Roxanne experienced was just between her, Audrey, and most importantly, the mud, which bewitched on her the moment she stepped in, and led her to do things she would never have dreamt of otherwise. Then again, maybe I shouldn’t speak for her

Once again, thank you for investing so much time in sharing your thoughts; I’m glad you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it, and it was also fun taking the time to expound on and give a little background to the story.