Where No Tourist Has Gone Before - Part 6

[Aiko]

It seemed a waste of breath to say anything more to Diego. Rhonda inhaled deeply just before the muck covered her mouth and nose. Except for her right hand, she was now completely shut off from the surface world and engulfed by the swamp she had escaped once before. She had no way of knowing what Diego was doing right now. All she could do was keeping that arm up, occasionally waving, making grasping motions and hope. Rhonda could still feel herself sliding in deeper. The quicksand held her in its tight hug - pressing in on her from everywhere. She knew it would be exhausting and a waste of oxygen to even try to move, aside from probably making her sink faster. So she kept still even as the mire went on to consume her right arm to the wrist. Precious seconds were passing by and she sank down deeper still. Already she was stretching up as far as possible, when she felt the soft mud at the palm of her right hand. The last glimpse of hope disappeared when even her fingers descended into the bog. At last she was enveloped fully, unable to even reach the surface. Desperation set in and Rhonda attempted to swim back up there. She reached out, but there was nothing except the same wet, dark mass everywhere around her. Movement was difficult, but she tried to writhe, swim or somehow climb her way out of the mire's grasp anyway. It made no difference any more. She would very soon run out of oxygen no matter what she did, and Rhonda was the kind of girl who would rather go down fighting.

That was exactly what she did until the very end. She was never to be found by anyone and eventually presumed to have died in the crash of a plane owned by an illegal arms dealer.

----- THE END ------

Now here's the place for suggestions for future stories of this sort. I enjoyed writing this and putting everyone's choices in it. The only downside I saw was, that I had to leave parts untold and eventually had several loose ends. But I think that's unavoidable, if I offer choices that have a substantial impact on the storyline.

[Mwam]

It was good.
I enjoyed the whole story and that cool polls too! Congrats!

[quagmire_uk]

A big thumbs up to you, I do like a good "choose your own adventure"!

Could perhaps do a time warp and tell what would have happened if we'd voted differently?

[Aiko]

Thanks. I'm glad you liked it too. I don't want to promise anything just yet, but there's a good chance that there will be another story of this kind in the near future.

A big thumbs up to you, I do like a good "choose your own adventure"!

Could perhaps do a time warp and tell what would have happened if we'd voted differently?

I'm not planning to reveal everything just yet, but I did have several other story lines in mind.

Exactly which option(s) of which part would you like to know about?

[PM2K]

I always enjoy your writing, no matter how you do it. And this story was cool. Definitely different. And a lot of fun...

[quagmire_uk]

I'm not planning to reveal everything just yet, but I did have several other story lines in mind.

Exactly which option(s) of which part would you like to know about?

Well I thought that everyone played "choose your own adventure" books the same way... by cheating. With fingers and thumbs inserted into several different parts of the book, so that if you've screwed up you can just flip back and choose the non-fatal option!

I want to flip the pages back and try again! I want a happy ending! Hehe.

[Aiko]

Well I thought that everyone played "choose your own adventure" books the same way... by cheating. With fingers and thumbs inserted into several different parts of the book, so that if you've screwed up you can just flip back and choose the non-fatal option!

I want to flip the pages back and try again! I want a happy ending! Hehe.

Alright. Since you are the first (and so far the only one) to ask, you get one more life. You can choose whichever part you want to go back to and pick a different option for Rhonda. Then we will see where that leads her.

[Viridian]

Overall, I liked the series of short stories for this CYOA. It was well-written (of course, it's Aiko!) and explored the options really well. I don't mind the relatively short ending as much, and it does follow the nature of CYOA quite well.

If I had to dig really deep for constructive criticism, the only thing I'd probably highlight as a possible point of improvement would be to give a bit more leeway in decision making. After Diego pushed the character into the quicksand, most of the options felt like it would result in a definitive end regardless (though of course, we'd never know unless we turned back the clock!).

One variant of the CYOA style you could (or I might) try is a write-in input, in which readers write out a sentence as to what should happen next and you pick one that you'd like to explore further. I've seen this done (with rather wild and creative results) on webcomic-style projects, such as Problem Sleuth (http://www.mspaintadventures.com/?s=4), which had its options originally from forum posts.

[Aiko]

It was well-written (of course, it's Aiko!)...

Why, thank you! I was not aware that my name stands for high-quality writing.

If I had to dig really deep for constructive criticism, the only thing I'd probably highlight as a possible point of improvement would be to give a bit more leeway in decision making. After Diego pushed the character into the quicksand, most of the options felt like it would result in a definitive end regardless (though of course, we'd never know unless we turned back the clock!).

I'll reveal this much: The options that would allow her to survive rapidly became fewer along the chosen path near the end. Even so her demise was not absolutely certain given the last set of options in part 5. If all options would have led to her death, I would not have bothered to create that last poll.

One variant of the CYOA style you could (or I might) try is a write-in input, in which readers write out a sentence as to what should happen next and you pick one that you'd like to explore further. I've seen this done (with rather wild and creative results) on webcomic-style projects, such as Problem Sleuth (http://www.mspaintadventures.com/?s=4), which had its options originally from forum posts.

I thought about doing it that way, but then I chose the polls because I thought that would get more people to participate. Maybe I'm wrong, but I assumed that even some folks who are usually just lurking about would get involved. Of course I can't tell, because I don't get to see who voted.

I think it would at the very least be more of a challenge than with pre-defined options. Maybe I will give it a try next time.

[quagmire_uk]

Alright. Since you are the first (and so far the only one) to ask, you get one more life. You can choose whichever part you want to go back to and pick a different option for Rhonda. Then we will see where that leads her.

I can turn back time! I am now MAD WITH POWER, mwuahahaha!

This will require a little thought. I'll get back to you shortly.