Warning for those who plan on sinking in tar/asphalt

[Fred588]

I believe it!

[TK421]

Well, if we’re being honest.

I was really wanting to hear his tall tale adventure in lava dipping next

I've done that!!!

But by pressing down on the surface with my hands, rocking back and forth, and also farting for propulsion, I was able to get clear in about 5 seconds.

Bwahahaha!!!

[sixgunzloaded]

and also farting for propulsion, I was able to get clear in about 5 seconds.

So let's see... If my knowledge of physics is accurate, you probably also received a significant shove from the force of your fart igniting, thus thrusting you closer to the edge of the lava, yes?

[Chimerix]

and also farting for propulsion, I was able to get clear in about 5 seconds.

So let's see... If my knowledge of physics is accurate, you probably also received a significant shove from the force of your fart igniting, thus thrusting you closer to the edge of the lava, yes?

Oddly, no! Even though the lava was warm enough to melt my shoes and ignite my socks, it didn't spark the flatus. Although I did have that happen the time I sank into a nuclear reactor cooling pool, but that was due to the radiation.

[dlodoski]

and also farting for propulsion, I was able to get clear in about 5 seconds.

So let's see... If my knowledge of physics is accurate, you probably also received a significant shove from the force of your fart igniting, thus thrusting you closer to the edge of the lava, yes?

Oddly, no! Even though the lava was warm enough to melt my shoes and ignite my socks, it didn't spark the flatus. Although I did have that happen the time I sank into a nuclear reactor cooling pool, but that was due to the radiation.

Dude, at least try to be factual.

It couldn't have been the radiation, but rather more likely the lateral (pink) lightning caused by the radiation.

Seriously though, you may have missed your calling as a satirist. But what do I know? You may be moonlighting as a stand up satirist and we just aren't aware of it.

[Sinkman61]

Why would anyone go and sink in a tar pit??? I would think that the number of dinosaurs that have been dug up from such pits would be enough to persuade anyone not to go there. First, as tar is actually lighter than water, you WILL sink completely under in such pits, as tar is the one substance that will act exactly like Hollywood has portrayed quicksand throughout the years. It might take a day or more for you to finally get completely swallowed up, but it will happen if you can’t get yourself out. And getting yourself free from tar isn’t going to be easy either. It rewrites the definition of what “sticky” really is. That means the suction would be far more massive than that of quicksand. Then there’s the simple fact that the chemical soup that makes up tar pits will also be absorbed through your skin over time, so even if you do manage to escape, you’re still going to have to deal with the rapidly decreasing health you’ll be left with as a result. No telling how many different types of cancers can be caused by those caustic chemicals as the eat away at your organs, nerves, and other bodily tissues that are essential to maintaining your life. You would be far better off sinking down in human sewage, and I certainly wouldn’t recommend THAT either, unless of course, you’re out to prove that you’re immune to all the different forms of hepatitis. Nor would I recommend sinking in manure from cows, horses, etc…, which, incidentally, just happens to be a favorite pastime for some people, especially those living on or near farms. For some reason those people think that their sinking in animal shit isn’t dangerous. But…it is. Those same pathogens that are in human waste are also in other animal waste as well.

Please stick to mud and quicksand only. While still loaded with different sorts of bacteria, our bodies are designed to deal with those. Some are actually even healthy for us. About the largest threat out there is the brain eating ameba (which is downright deadly, as to date, there’s been only one person who has ever been known to survive such an infection). Brain eating amebas are found on the surface of the silt that sits on the bottom of very warm fresh water ponds. They get stirred up when you walk along the bottom of such ponds. So if you’re sinking in very warm ponds during the summer, be sure NOT to allow any of the mud (or water) to enter any part of your nose. The ameba makes it’s was to the nerve ending on the upper portion of your nose that enter through the skull into the brain. They literally climb up those nerves where they can then enter the brain and go to work, feasting on your brain cells as they continue to divide, creating themselves a massive community of brain munchers. The symptoms include the overall feeling of coming down with a cold or flu, but backed with a massively unrelenting headache a couple of days after you became infected. Victims end up going to the hospital due to the massive headache that just keeps getting worse. Ultimately they go into a coma and then die. Doctors diagnosis the disease once enough brain tissue has been eaten away that it shows up on a CT Scan. Should you ever get such a headache a couple of days after sinking in a fresh water pond during the summer, get your butt to the hospital immediately!!! Brain eating amebas are prevalent throughout the southern United States. They’ve NOT been found in salt water environments, so tidal mud sinkers should be safe from them. They don’t seem to care for Florida’s fresh water springs either, as that water is far too cold (72 degrees year round) for them. But all those drainage ponds around our communities are rife with them.

[TheDoctor6013]

My biggest worry would be if it got in my eyes, nose or an open wound.

[Musekal]

snip

Dude, the OP never actually sank in a tar pit. They were just straight up bullshitting.

[Chimerix]

You would be far better off sinking down...

No content or discussion of a scatological nature please. No poop. It just bothers too many people.

[TK421]

Why would anyone go and sink in a tar pit??? I would think that the number of dinosaurs that have been dug up from such pits would be enough to persuade anyone not to go there. First, as tar is actually lighter than water, you WILL sink completely under in such pits, as tar is the one substance that will act exactly like Hollywood has portrayed quicksand throughout the years. It might take a day or more for you to finally get completely swallowed up, but it will happen if you can’t get yourself out. And getting yourself free from tar isn’t going to be easy either. It rewrites the definition of what “sticky” really is. That means the suction would be far more massive than that of quicksand. Then there’s the simple fact that the chemical soup that makes up tar pits will also be absorbed through your skin over time, so even if you do manage to escape, you’re still going to have to deal with the rapidly decreasing health you’ll be left with as a result. No telling how many different types of cancers can be caused by those caustic chemicals as the eat away at your organs, nerves, and other bodily tissues that are essential to maintaining your life. You would be far better off sinking down in human sewage, and I certainly wouldn’t recommend THAT either, unless of course, you’re out to prove that you’re immune to all the different forms of hepatitis. Nor would I recommend sinking in manure from cows, horses, etc…, which, incidentally, just happens to be a favorite pastime for some people, especially those living on or near farms. For some reason those people think that their sinking in animal shit isn’t dangerous. But…it is. Those same pathogens that are in human waste are also in other animal waste as well.

Please stick to mud and quicksand only. While still loaded with different sorts of bacteria, our bodies are designed to deal with those. Some are actually even healthy for us. About the largest threat out there is the brain eating ameba (which is downright deadly, as to date, there’s been only one person who has ever been known to survive such an infection). Brain eating amebas are found on the surface of the silt that sits on the bottom of very warm fresh water ponds. They get stirred up when you walk along the bottom of such ponds. So if you’re sinking in very warm ponds during the summer, be sure NOT to allow any of the mud (or water) to enter any part of your nose. The ameba makes it’s was to the nerve ending on the upper portion of your nose that enter through the skull into the brain. They literally climb up those nerves where they can then enter the brain and go to work, feasting on your brain cells as they continue to divide, creating themselves a massive community of brain munchers. The symptoms include the overall feeling of coming down with a cold or flu, but backed with a massively unrelenting headache a couple of days after you became infected. Victims end up going to the hospital due to the massive headache that just keeps getting worse. Ultimately they go into a coma and then die. Doctors diagnosis the disease once enough brain tissue has been eaten away that it shows up on a CT Scan. Should you ever get such a headache a couple of days after sinking in a fresh water pond during the summer, get your butt to the hospital immediately!!! Brain eating amebas are prevalent throughout the southern United States. They’ve NOT been found in salt water environments, so tidal mud sinkers should be safe from them. They don’t seem to care for Florida’s fresh water springs either, as that water is far too cold (72 degrees year round) for them. But all those drainage ponds around our communities are rife with them.

What the actual fuck?!

I'm sorry I can't. I got about midway through the first paragraph and had to stop. Especially considering if you had read the previous posts you would have realized that he got booted and none of what you wrote will reach the OP