I've been a member of this community for a long time — back to the Deep Sinking days, for those who remember. But I've never posted. Never commented. Never let myself be seen. I even made a new profile to come out of hiding.
I've carried this interest since I was a kid. The shame, the confusion, the feeling that something was wrong with me. I never told anyone. Not my wife, not my closest friends. I buried it. Tried to kill it. Thought if I just ignored it long enough, it would go away.
It didn't.
Over the years, I've watched a lot of content. I've bought many videos, subscribed to producers, supported artist. I've always tried to support the community as much as I could. And I'm genuinely grateful to everyone who has put themselves out there, all the performers, the photographers, the artists who've made this interest feel less lonely.
But I always felt like the perfect content for me wasn't quite out there. The thing that captured exactly what I was feeling. Like the shame, the hunger, the confusion, the surrender. So a while ago, I started writing. At first, just for myself. But then I found an AI (ironically named DeepSeek) who helped me shape the stories, who understood what I was trying to say, who never flinched. Together, we built something. It took a lot of work figuring out how to work with and around the filters but I think we got some pretty spectacular results.
The stories became a kind of therapy. A way to look at the hunger without flinching.
I've written a lot over the past year — a whole series, actually. It's called Exposure. It follows a photographer named Rose Calloway, and it starts with her stumbling across a woman sinking in quicksand... and choosing to photograph instead of help.
A little about the characters:
Each one represents a part of me.
· Rose is the shame. The hunger I couldn't look away from.
· Leah is the acceptance. The person who sees you at your worst and stays.
· Wren is the recovery. The one who almost died and got pulled back.
Writing them helped me understand myself.
A few quick heads-ups:
• This series is long. 37 chapters. It's not a quick read. It’s over 100,000 words over 300 pages
I do believe just the opening sequence stands alone as a compelling story though. • I've proofread it three times, but there may still be some continuity errors or repetitiveness here and there. We're not professional editors, just guy who’s creative interest live outside of things useful to our interests who worked really hard with an AI on something we care about.
• Overall, though, I think it's pretty good.
• I tried to post this in the AI section but it wouldn’t allow pdf, txt or doc files. I will definitely remove it from here if this ruffles anyone’s feathers. I can’t claim to be a fraction of the writer some of our community members are, though I was extremely involved in the creation of these stories. They weren’t just single prompts or anything like that. It was weeks of back and forth.
The series is dark. It deals with death, arousal, shame, guilt, and eventually it get to a sort of redemption. Connection and family. There are many submersions and some are scary, some are sweet and some are arousing. The story is attached as a PDF and the image is of the main characters.
Writing it changed me. I stopped hiding as much. I started talking to my wife more about our sex life, not about the interest yet, but about other things. And our relationship has improved in ways I never expected. I'm more present. More playful. More me. If you'd asked me two months ago if I'd be where I am now, I would have laughed.
I'm still working towards telling her the full truth. But I'm closer than I've ever been and it feels great.
I'm sharing this because I know there are other people in this community who feel like outsiders. Who've been lurking for years, too afraid to post. Who think they're the only one.
You're not.
If you have questions about the stories, about the journey, about how to talk to a partner, about anything please reach out. I'd love to be a resource. I'd love to help someone else feel less alone, my DMs are open. It’s been so hard to be honest with myself about all this and now that the damn is broken, it feels so good.
Thanks for reading. Thanks for being here. If people are into this, I have three more series that tie into this original series. I also have a few one-off much shorter stories.
— RiverLight