The First Taste of Fear (F: 19 Years Old, Mud, Melodrama, 22 Pages)

[dk_angel7]

Origin: January 12, 2010
Revised: October 23, 2024

Almost 20, I had a free-will spirit, and loved being around people and parties.

I was the head cheerleader at the community college.

Book-smart and talented, my grades were high.

Independent, I had a bright future.

Born into a family blessed with money, I had everything I needed.

I was on top of the world, never got into real trouble, and never made any enemies at the time.

Confident, I could handle any problem I faced on my own.

Invulnerable, I was fit, trim, and at the top of my health. I saw no reason to believe that anything could happen to me. I would live to 100, happy, healthy, and wise.

The thought of dying so young was impossible!

*

There were two houses in our part of the subdivision. All others on each side of us were still under construction.

Kathy and Joe Leyland built their house next to ours.

They were a childhood friend of my mother and her husband.

They laid the foundation the same day my parents set the foundation of our house. They moved in the same day we did.

Both families left for the Atlantic coast for a week. I stayed behind for some solitude.

Alone, I could stay up as long as I wanted. Nobody was here to tell me what to do or when to be home. My friends and I could use all the beer and wine we wanted.

Mom and Dad would never know. We would replenish the stock before everyone came back home.

I saw nothing but good days ahead, friends, fun, and silence when I wanted it for a week.

It was a late Saturday afternoon. There was a slight warm breeze under a bright sun.

I wore my brand new, zebra-striped bikini. I had a wide-brim hat. My thick, hip-length, straight, and black hair was in a ponytail.

I sat on a reclining chair on our poolside patio under an umbrella.

My books were on the end table to my left.

I had a glass of wine. A radio played soft music.

It was the summer session at college. I had homework.

There was no football or basketball. As the head of the cheerleading squad, I was happy it was the summer break.

I had more time for my friends, homework, and myself.

I finished another chapter in Economics, reached for my wine, and looked over my shoulder as I lifted my glass to take a sip.

I saw some movement next door on the back porch.

I turned my head to look.

It was a rocking chair on the back porch.

“Carl!” A bit surprised. I smiled and spoke to myself. “I did not expect to see you!”

Carl was the second son of the Leyland family. He was also one of the best swimmers on the campus swim team.

He had the build and the muscles to show for it. Only a few men would look good in a modest Speedo swimsuit; he was one of them.

I denied that I was interested in him at that time.

We told ourselves that we were not ready for a serious relationship.

We were denying our feelings.

He set his book down on his lap and smiled as we made eye contact.

I lifted my glass of wine as a toast and took a sip.

Once Carl saw my wine, he looked and shook his head.

Sweet, caring, and a head taller, he was quite a man.

But I was tired of his conviction that I drank too much. I was flattered by his concern.

I told him when, what, and how much I drank was not his business. He was disappointed but took it quite well.

I loved to swim in our pool late at night. I even pulled out our two-person raft on a few evenings. I stepped into it, sat down, and pushed myself to the center.

I spent several nights under the stars. I would listen to a chorus of crickets, frogs, and owls sing in the still cool air. I would watch aircraft, satellites, and meteors cross the crystal clear sky of bright stars.

On these evenings, Carl snuck over the fence and into our pool. He scared the daylights out of me several times.

I was fast asleep once when he quietly towed the raft to the shallow end at three in the morning.

To prove his point, he dumped me into the water.

He was worried about my safety. He was worried that someone would sneak into the backyard while I was alone in the pool and hurt me, or worse.

What was the danger? We were isolated!

I could not convince him that I was no longer a child. As an adult, I no longer needed someone to babysit me. I was old enough to make my own decisions.

I could handle anything I faced. No problem was beyond my ability to cope with.

Ok!

I was alone another evening. I finished supper and had a bit too much wine. I swam in the pool. I had a stomach and leg cramp. I was struggling my way to the edge of the pool when I swallowed some water and started choking.

Carl had finished swimming laps in his pool. He flew over the fence and ran to the edge of our pool. He reached for me with his hand.

I admitted that was the first time I felt scared.

Carl shook his head.

“Cindy, you have NO idea what real fear is!” Carl looked distant as he softly spoke. “You are sheltered! Too sheltered! You have no idea what real fear tastes like!”

That was unsettling.

He turned and walked away before I had a chance to respond.

I could NOT respond! I was at a loss for words.

Enough of the memories!

I tried to repress the incident each time it came to my mind.

I looked up and watched clouds pass through a bright blue sky. I followed each jet airliner as it passed overhead. I saw a large dragonfly zigzag through the pool area in its hunt for food. Birds flew small flocks into random directions while others whizzed by alone.

I sighed. I relaxed. I cleared my mind of all thoughts.

There was no further use for deep thought or concentration. The memories disturbed my ability to focus.

Nonetheless, I felt that I had read long enough. My eyes were tired. My mind was full.

I needed to do something different. It was time to take a break from the homework. I closed my textbook and set it on the end table. I drank the last bit of wine and set the empty glass down.

I turned and looked at my radio as it played a popular light rock tune. I was tired of listening to music as well. So, I reached over and turned the radio off.

I closed my eyes and smelled the crisp and clean air. I heard a light breeze rustle through the leaves on the trees. There was the distant call of a small bird. The water in the swimming pool bubbled with the hum of the water pump. I heard the rumble of a jet that already passed overhead.

I opened my eyes and looked at the branches of nearby trees as the breezes blew through. A hawk sat high on one of the trees. A flock of crows flew and screeched as they circled it.

The air felt warm. Much of the humidity was gone.

The air was perfect. It was not too cold or warm. There was a cooling breeze under the summer sun.

I was sitting for too long. I needed some exercise. I wanted to take a walk.

I stood up and stretched my legs. I looked at the calm pool water and thought to myself.

Do I get dressed and walk the sidewalk? Or ---?

It was a lazy day. Therefore, I did not want to do too much.

I thought about getting dressed and walking the sidewalk.

I could hear the pounding of hammers, the poof of nail guns, and the buzz of saws in the distance. That meant people were working on houses.

If I walked, I would have to deal with construction crews. I did not want to hear catcalls from any workers. I did not want to meet (let alone talk to) any of them. One even met me on the sidewalk and asked me for my phone number.

No thanks! Not those jerks! They were starting to creep me out.

Maybe these were the guys that Carl was worried about coming back at night. I could see one of them be a nut case and climb over the fence and into the pool area while I was floating on a raft. I began to see who or what started his worries about my safety.

I looked at the path that ran the length of our backyard. It vanished into a stand of bushes at the back of our property. It led to a long wooden pier that extended over 100 feet into the lake.

It was now high, dry, and surrounded by tall grass. You could sit and dangle your feet off the end. You would see square miles of tall lake grass that waved back and forth in the wind.

What was the worst thing that could happen on the lakebed?

I could cut my foot on something hidden in the dirt.

I could run into a snake, other animals, or another person.

I could get lost and have a hard time finding my way out.

What would be sharp enough to cut my foot? How would it get there?

Daddy told me the lake was bone dry about 75 years ago.

The water was clear and popular among fishermen after the drought.

Anything dropped from a boat into the water would sink into the mud.

The lake bottom was spongy. Anything under the feet yielded with the soft earth.

The rest of the lake bottom was solid. Buried objects stayed buried.

How about animals or people?

First, there was no evidence that anyone else explored this section of the dry lake. There was no trash. There were no dried footprints in the mud. There were spots where animals and birds dug into the dirt for a snack. There was nothing else to show that anything alive was out there.

Cold fireplaces with charred wood and stone were on the more popular sections of the lakebed. Nobody had a fireplace and a party in this section of the lakebed.

Secondly, every animal I encountered sprinted away. I might hear a dog howl in the distance. Nevertheless, I never saw a wild, stray, or a hunting dog on the lakebed.

Get lost?

Patience and persistence are golden. The few times I got lost, I ALWAYS found my way out. The lake was not big enough for anyone to vanish.

The sun and my shadow were my friends out there. I needed to keep my shadow off to one side of me. It never failed to direct me back to the shoreline where I first entered the grassy lakebed.

Cindy, you will be fine! Everything is going to be OK!

It was not the first time I walked the trails that snaked through the lakebed. Nor was it the first time with nothing but a swimsuit.

It was easy to lose yourself on the lakebed.

It was easy to hide in the tall grass.

Most of the trails went through tall grasses.

Alone, you could clear your mind or let it wander. You think and sort out your thoughts without fear of interruption.

I liked the feeling of adventure.

I liked the adrenaline rush and the thought of walking where nobody had been before.

I found my way out the few times I got myself lost.

There were shallow patches of soft mud. I slipped and fell once. Other than that, I just got mud on my feet and legs.

I did not see any problems.

I was getting bored and in the mood for an adventure. The sidewalk did not offer the adventure I wanted.

Therefore, --!

I got up from the lounge chair.

I removed my hat and kicked my sandals off to the side.

I walked over to the poolside gate, closed it behind me, and headed down the path to the lake.

I felt energetic and excited. I knew this was what I wanted to do.

I looked back at Carl before disappearing behind the bushes. He picked up his glass of soda, looked at me, shrugged his shoulders, turned, and went into his house.

*

Go back! Go back home! An alarm echoed in my head. My heart pounded. Muscles tensed. You are too far out! Go back!

The warnings grew stronger each time I approached another turn in the trail.

I was too far out if I needed any help. Nobody would hear me if I had to cry for help.

Nobody was within a mile radius of me.

The trails were usually hard mud. The ground was dusty or cracked.

Soft mud squeezed between the toes where it was damp.

My feet sank in some spots. My ankles got dirty. But, it was never deep.

Tall grasses hid everything from view. I could see about 100 yards at the most. Some trails were so thin that you had to push the grass out of the way to get through. Therefore, nobody would see you even if they were within shouting range.

Uh, no frogs and no birds?

I took a deep breath, ran my fingers through my pony-tailed hair, and calmed my nerves.

I do not even hear a dog in the distance!

It was strangely quiet. The wind was dead calm. The silence gave me an uneasy feeling.

It was never THAT quiet before!

The general atmosphere of the lakebed felt and looked grim. Yet, I could not see a reason why.

Yet, this type of challenge was part of the fun. I loved the feeling of thrill and danger. I felt I had walked the lakebed enough to know what could or could not happen.

I COULD run into something I did not expect!

A deep lingering fear of the unknown and a knotted stomach did not help.

I nervously rubbed my hands together and sighed.

I wanted to push onward to parts unknown and unexplored. Nobody found or discovered anything by giving in to their fears.

I did not expect to find anything new on an empty lakebed. So, I felt that I had seen what ‘dangers’ already exist.

I saw no harm in pushing forward.

WOW!

There was a large and isolated patch of mud before the path vanished behind a curve. The wet earth shined under the sun. A bubble formed and popped on the surface. The tall grass on each side deepened the sense of isolation.

Jeez, how deep is THIS patch? Could I get stuck in this?

“Cindy, get a move on!” I tried to boost my confidence. “You can do this!”

If I did, could I get myself out?

Mud already spotted the calves of my legs and covered both feet. The past two mud holes covered my ankles. I had no reason to believe this pool was any deeper.

Uh, yuck!

A slight smell of decomposing – something – was in the air.

“Quickly get through this!” I had to encourage myself. “Leave this stench pit behind as soon as I reach solid ground on the other side!”

I took a deep breath and repressed my doubts. I walked forward. I had faith in my ability to deal with whatever happened.

The mud was slippery and sticky. My footing was uncertain. Muck peeled off the bottom of my feet each time I lifted my foot.

The muck felt slimy and gross. I wondered if I had made a big mistake.

My arms swayed to steady my balance. My heart pounded as mud oozed through my toes. Deep breaths calmed my nerves.

My foot slipped. My arms jerked as I felt my balance shift. Every muscle tightened from my back to the rest of my body.

Alarms went off in my head and mind. Something was wrong. It was not like any other patch of mud I encountered yet.

I continued forward once I steadied myself.

A constant odor lingered in my nose. I could not shake an ominous feeling. Yet I grew more determined to cross the patch of mud.

Soon, my feet sank with each step. Anxiety shot through my head and chest as a rush of adrenaline surged through me.

All thoughts focused on moving forward.

Then --!

My feet plunged deep into the soft muck.

The earth gurgled as it closed onto my bare legs. A million instant thoughts and feelings sent cold shivers through my body.

Deep within the earth, I felt soft muck slide around my feet and legs. Mud rolled up almost to my knees as I settled deeper into the soft ground.

I could feel the pain in each muscle of my face as I looked downward. Mud bubbled and popped as the ground mounded around my legs. My stomach knotted with each wave of rotting stench.

My mind and body shook with repulsion. My clawed hands shook in front of me. All screams, cries, and shouts choked in my throat.

I had to get out, now!

I turned side to side and desperately searched the mud and the grass for anything solid. I wanted to get as far away from this place as I could.

I wanted to run.

I kept pulling on each leg. Both knees vanished into the ground.

A tight pain burned in my chest as I sank. My forehead throbbed with pressure.

I knew my situation grew worse with each second I stood there.

The tall grass was well out of reach. There was nothing to grab to pull free.

I did not want to think about the possibility that I was in horrible, even mortal danger.

The wind was calm. The dead silence left a dark feeling of isolation.

Ok, what now? What do I do?

I had to calm myself before I lost control.

“If you get one leg out, you can free the other leg free.”

Slow and deep breaths cooled raging emotions. I focused my thoughts.

“Don’t panic!”

The advice seemed to work. I was able to bring my anxiety back to a manageable level.

“Just - one - leg - at - a - time!”

One pull! Two pulls! Three!

A leg was free after a long groan and a loud sucking splotch.

The sound sent a cold wave of fear down my spine.

It sounded like something was trying to suck me deeper.

The groan was the sound of something under me that wanted to pull me downward.

The hole closed with the gross sound of gurgling and bubbling. I could feel heat and gasses rise against my skin. Clumps of mud rolled off my leg and made soft splats on the ground.

The pungent odor grew. I shook my head and cleared my nose. The stench filled my lungs with the next breath. I coughed as my stomach twisted. I waved my hands in front of my face for fresh air. I forced myself to clear my mind before I wretched and throw up.

I lifted my foot and stepped on a fresh patch of earth. My leg plunged through the mud and immediately sank to the knee.

"That was useless!"

Panic spiked! I could feel my heart pound in my chest. A deep fear burned in my mind.

“What if ---?” Shut up!

I felt myself slowly slip deeper into the mire.

Thigh deep in mud, I began to pull the other leg to the surface.

My arms, breath, and whole body shook.

I ran the back of my hand across my cheek and nervously sighed. I brushed my hair with my fingers, and threw my long ponytail over my shoulder.

A hysterical panic would cause me to struggle. I would only be forcing myself deeper into a stinking pool of sucking mud.

“Cindy, get a grip! Gather thoughts and control the panic!”

Doubt burned. My muscles ached as tension grew. Heat radiated from my face as sweat beaded on my forehead and arms.

“You can do this!”

The muck pulsed as I forced my knee upward.

Free one leg! Get the other out later!

I closed my eyes and blocked all thoughts and feelings.

I lunged as I pushed my knee upward. Both arms swept through the air and swung in circles with each push. Pain in my neck and forehead grew as I twisted.

I felt mud crawl up my thighs and shift closer to my hips.

To my horror, I realized that I was still sinking deeper into the muck.

My mind played tricks. The warm mud felt like something -- else. Bubbles rose against my legs. I thought several tentacles slid up my calves, knees, and thighs.

I shook my head to clear my thoughts.

I felt the top of my leg break through to the surface. A knee was free.

I rubbed the back of my neck. My head pounded. A sense of order returned to my mind once my head stopped spinning.

A stench still hung in the air.

I sat on my foot with a leg folded under me. Chunks of muck sat on top of my thigh. Brownish water made paths across my leg and fell back to the earth.

I was almost hip-deep in mud. Brown stains spotted zebra stripes on the bottom of my brand-new two-piece swimsuit. Closer to the ground, I felt the warm mud slide against my skin. A repulsive chill rolled through my body.

Again, I shook my head to reorder my thoughts.

I could fall on my stomach and crawl out!

Stench and filth would cover me if I crawled. It would get into my hair, nose, and face. It would get under every fingernail and soak into my skin.

I would spend a long time in the shower. I would have to scrub every square inch of my body for hours to kill the smell.

“I’d rather vomit!”

I moved my knee onto fresh and undisturbed mud.

After several deep breaths, I tried to shore up my ever-fading confidence.

“You can do this! One leg IS free! Now pull the other one out and go home!”

I shifted my weight and began to pull.

Once! Twice! Three times!

Mud rolled back into the hole as my knee sank.

Both feet were deep into the earth. My toes dug into whatever solid they could find.

It was another futile effort.

I was alone and sinking into a soft pool of muck.

Helpless, I was unable to free myself.

The muck was too thick. I was in too deep. The suction was too strong.

My mind screamed. Hands swung up and down, I jerked, and the mud around me pulsed with each movement. Pain shot through my head, neck, and back. My heart slammed in my chest.

Muck painted my swimsuit dull brown as each stripe sank.

I lost control of my thoughts and feelings. My head and arms thrashed. My body twisted. Screams choked in my throat. I gasped as my hips sank.

The clearing shifted, popped, and rolled as my swimsuit slipped into the mud.

I panicked! Terror overran my mind.

My throat burned. Screams shocked my ears as it blew through the air and the thick grass.

*

I fought to regain my composure with each breath. Weak and exhausted, every part of my shaking body ached. My throat stung. Everything looked hazy. A tear rolled down my face. My cheeks were soaked. My heart pounded. My body throbbed with each pulse. I heard steady drumming in my ears.

I wiped my eyes and brushed my fingers through my long and thick ponytail.

Thoughts and feelings appeared as my confusion faded.

It was deadly silent except for the occasional rush of wind through the grass.

There was the sound of gurgling and a horrible smell!

My mind clicked like a light switch. With a jolt, I remembered what put me into a hysterical frenzy.

I was waist-deep in warm mud!

Panic grew and exploded through my body.

Wet mud against my stomach moved with every twist. I desperately lifted and forced my feet downward. The ground shifted and rolled as my navel slipped into the mud.

I fought against the suction of the mire.

Gasping, groaning, and whining as I struggled, my efforts forced me deeper into the mire.

The deep horror flooded back into my mind as I felt myself sink.

More tears rolled down my face. Screams locked in my throat. I closed my eyes. My head throbbed with a pulsing heart. I shook my fists in frustration.

I tried to empty my mind of confused and terrifying thoughts and feelings.

Deep breaths cleared out my lungs.

A sharp cry tore through the air.

Then silence!

I could not fight the feeling that something was consciously working against me.

I was never claustrophobic in my life. Yet I felt the crush of the nearby tall grass closing in.

I thought something under the muck sucked me downward.

“No! No! No! Think! Think!”

I shook my head to clear my thoughts.

“Fight it! Cindy, fight it!”

Every breath shook.

“You can do it! You can get out!”

Doubt grew fast and strong.

“No problem is bigger than – than you can – handle!”

The words rang hollow. A morbid chill rolled through my body.

“Don’t think! Just do!”

Do what? How?

Nothing held my weight. There was nothing solid under me. My feet pushed downward through deep and soft muck. I could not climb out, crawl out, or swim out.

I stopped to calm myself.

Soon, each breath was easier. The pounding of my heart and pulsing of my blood slowed. Thoughts and emotions calmed. Nausea subsided. I repressed my fear so I could control it.

Think Cindy! Come on! Think!

One last chance! I had to push and claw my way out with my hands.

I needed to crawl (even swim) through wet, filthy, and stinking mud.

I knew my life was at stake. I had to get out.

I rubbed my eyes and ran my arm across my forehead and cheek.

Once again, I brushed my fingers through my ponytail and looked down at the foul muck.

I sighed and carefully placed the palms of my hands on the mud. I leaned forward and began to push downward.

That is gross!

Mud oozed between each finger. I lifted both hands and pushed on another spot.

My feet struggled harder and faster.

“Come on! Come on! I’ve got to get out!”

The muck around me rolled.

A rush of bubbles popped in the mud around me. I did what I could to ignore the stench.

“Come on! Get out!”

A raging fear grew. My heart pounded. Pressure in my head and body pulsed. Each gasping breath was harder.

I was losing control of my morbid terror again.

"Help me!" My soft voice shook. “Get me out of here!”

My hands helplessly plunged into the muck.

This isn’t working! My thoughts rose in a sarcastic and fearful tone. It’s NOT working!

Hard and desperate gasps echoed from walls of grass. My legs thrashed in the darkness below. The mud shifted and churned. A rush of bubbles slid against my skin and popped on the surface.

Grunting and whining, I could not help but struggle.

"No! No! Please, no!"

Pop! Deep rumble! My hips and stomach sank deeper into the wet earth.

A repulsive feeling rolled through my body.

Hot and glowing coal of fear flashed into a fire and grew.

“Go away! Go away!” I begged with a soft sobbing cry. “Let me go! Let me go!”

I gasped with a sharp tone as I slowly sank.

I was now up to my rib cage in deep, sucking, and unforgiving muck.

A firestorm of terror raged in my mind.

I gave out muted screams as I shook muck from my hands. I desperately searched the grasses for anything I could use to pull myself free. I strained to reach as mud dripped from my arms. Yet, I knew that grabbing anything from the grass was hopeless.

Tension twisted my stomach and choked my throat to my lungs. My heart exploded in my chest with each beat.

The depth and power of the fear became overwhelming -- vicious.

I violently thrashed and clawed at the surging muck. Gasping screams of frustration shot from my throat.

"Help me! Please, help me!"

My head throbbed as I fought for each breath. By now, I could ignore the stench that filled my lungs.

I wanted to scream in deep terror. I could not as I settled deeper and sank to my chest.

The long black hair of my ponytail gathered in a thick pile on the muddy ground behind me.

Hundreds of bubbles rose against my skin. Again, an image filled my mind of some creature probing my body with its tentacles. The unnatural warmth of the mud sent a wave of nausea through my stomach. A pain of fear tore through me.

“Get real! Calm yourself!”

I fought off feelings of terror, isolation, and morbid helplessness.

“There is not a problem --!”

A cold reality began to seep into my thoughts.

“Not a problem --!”

God No! A deep breath shook in fear. I can NOT be wrong!

“You can not --!”

HANDLE? Now what! Oh no! Oh God, no! I can‘t be --! I can‘t be helpless!

I choked. Every muscle tightened as I twisted left and right.

I searched for anything to pull myself free or stop me from sinking deeper.

I found nothing.

“OH GOD NO!” Fear and desperation exploded! “I CAN’T GET OUT! PLEASE, OH GOD!”

A cold feeling of entrapment, isolation, and a dark weight of inescapable doom filled the air, pressed against my skin, and filled my mind and body.

“Carl! Carl! Please help me!” I had one last hope. “Help me! Please, help me! Carl!”

My screams echoed off the walls of the grass and up and down the empty trail. I shook my arms, cupped my hands on each side of my face, and desperately called out.

“CARL! CARL!”

What was he doing now? Could he even hear me?

The sun rolled out from behind a small cirrus cloud. It was lower in the sky than I expected. It was late afternoon.

Where was Carl? What was he doing now?[i]

I thought that I knew the answer.

[i]Sitting on a soft couch! Eating supper! Falling asleep while watching a history, news, or science channel!

“Carl! Carl! My God! Please, help me! Please help me!”

He was home and completely cut off from the outside!

“Carl! Oh God, help me! Help me, please!”

There was a morbid stillness, silence. The sky darkened and descended. Thick haze in the air muted all sound; no wind, no cars, no dogs, nothing. A bright sun shined in a cloudless blue sky.

My blood turned cold. My chest knotted hard. Each desperate gasping breath hurt. My hands waved helplessly above my head. An intense fear locked every muscle.

I snatched a thought out of my mind like a violent poison. I did not want any idea of an imminent death in my head.

“Please, it can’t be! Please no!” My hoarse voice cracked between whines and choked tears. “Nobody is out here! There is nobody out here to save me!”

“I can’t get out!” I cried between deep and heavy gasps of air. “I could die right now!”

Stuck deep and solid! VERY alone, isolated! I was sinking! Nobody heard my cries! No escape! No rescue!

“OH NO! PLEASE NO!”

Sobbing cries tore through my throat and shook my skull as a brief pain shot through both ears.

A firestorm exploded through my chest and spread through every muscle. My throat and stomach knotted.

Raging terror filled my mind.

“Get me out! Let me go! Let me go! Please!”

My heart pounded. I tried to scream but could not even catch my breath. I clawed the air with my hands. My legs fought the suction underneath. The ground shifted and resisted every move to escape.

“No, please no! Let me go!”

I sank – fast!

Bubbles slid up my body through the warm mud from my bare toes, up against the skin of my legs and stomach.

I could almost feel my eyes bulge as I looked downward to my chest. Stripe by zebra stripe, the top of my swimsuit slipped deeper as I rocked and twisted.

“Please no! Not now!” My tortured cries continued. “Please!”

Again, I clawed at the muck.

“I don’t want to die. I don’t want to die. Help me please!”

There was a sick gurgle as I sank up to my arms.

Both hands probed the earth underneath the surface. The mud rolled as my arms slid through the muck.

Everything above the mud was out of reach.

There was nothing to grab on the surface.

There was not a hint of anything solid underneath.

I gasped for air.

My head pounded and rolled with a storm of emotions.

My thoughts were abrupt, fractured, and confused.

There was nothing to think about anyway.

All my options were gone.

I was working on desperation alone.

"No! No!" My sobbing cries filled the air. "Please, help me! No!"

Shifting muck reached my shoulders.

Somewhere in the deep, muck oozed between my fingers as I grasped my fists and let go.

My legs moved as my feet slowly worked the mud underneath.

Every muscle in my body tightened.

No! No! Please No! My soft and terrified whines were in vain. No! Let me go! Please!

I began to gasp and sob in morbid horror.

A cold shiver shook my body as the edge of the mud rolled over the skin of my shoulders.

Again, visions of a sub-surface monster screamed in my head.

Twisting, pushing, kicking, I struggled in a shot of terror. I could not free my mind from thinking that I was fighting off a hungry beast.

I felt fingers slither around my throat as the mud slid up my neck.

Full shock! Hard terror! Fear, frustration, and desperation tore through my mind.

My head thrashed from side to side.

Morbid and horrified screams!

Pain tore through my throat. My eyes watered. A loud buzzing sound shocked my ears.

“Help me. Help me.” My sobbing voice cracked. “Please somebody, anybody?”

I wanted to scream again. Yet a hot pain boiled in my chest and seared my throat. I could only give out a hoarse whimper.

I was struggling, up to my ears in mud. I forced my head back to keep my face above the surface. I pushed my hands upward till my fingers broke through the surface.

The morbid terror was merciless. It gripped every part of my mind and body far beyond anything I thought possible.

A deep throbbing pain crossed my forehead. Sobbing, rivers of tears streamed down my cheeks. I saw nothing but a tear-soaked blur.

My mind screamed for mercy. But nothing was there to read my thoughts.

I was too terrified, crying too hard, and gasping for air to put any more thoughts into words. It did not matter. Nobody was there to hear my cry and save me from my grave.

A sharp spasm stabbed my neck.

I dropped my chin for a moment to ease the pain. I felt something slip across my lips. My stomach objected. It twisted and wretched as I coughed and choked. Every taste bud in my mouth reeked of slime and animal remains.

I coughed and spat into the air. I fought a knotting urge to vomit. A thin film of slime stuck to my cheeks, tongue, and the roof of my mouth.

There was never enough saliva to relieve the wretched taste.

My mind violently boiled with fractured thoughts and feelings. My head felt like it was ready to explode.

Insanity seemed a thought away.

I might as well lose it. A brutal and painful death was moments away.

A sharp and tortured whine followed each gasp. I shook, shivering the mud around me.

Muck crept up my face to the corners of my lips.

I wanted to burst into sobbing tears. I could only whimper and gasp.

I knew my last breath was moments away. I pushed my hands downward to gain a little time.

My mind flashed to the backyard pool.

I recalled a moment when I struggled in the water. A twisting pain throbbed in my leg and stomach. I choked on a mouth full of chlorinated water lodged in my throat.

With struggling, desperation, and futility, the image seemed so real. It felt like I was back home, drowning in the pool.

Terror ripped through my thoughts as I desperately reached for the side of the pool. But it was beyond my fingertips. I remembered a firm hand reaching out to me.

Even now, I could almost hear my name shouted as a dark object moved above me. My flooded eyes reduced it to a shapeless blur. I could not tell whether it was real or part of the memory.

My thoughts and feelings were confused.

Was I dreaming? Was I hallucinating?

Both eyes stung with mud, which rolled down from my forehead with sweat.

I blinked my eyes. My vision cleared.

My eyes focused on a plot of grass next to me. A figure was in the brush – a person.

CARL!

Shock jolted my mind and body.

This is not possible! He is back home! By the television!

He reached for me with his hand.

I could not believe what I saw.

There was one fact in my mind, a certainty! Death was imminent by drowning or suffocation.

Muck rolled over the cheeks of my face and splattered from my lips as I blew air outward.

Mud splashed into my nose. There was a sharp sting every time I took a breath. I could feel it drain into the back of my throat.

I rocked, twisted, and shook my head to clear the mud away from my nose – in vain.

It did not matter if the image was a hallucination. I had to do something.

Carl could only reach so far. I had to free my arms and reach for his hand.

Both hands were deep in the mud. I began to pull on my arms to force them back to the surface. A wide circle of surface muck shifted as my body jerked with each pull.

Dizzy and weak, my head throbbed. My lungs ached. Pain throbbed in my throat and chest with each grunt.

Twisting and struggling, I pushed as hard and forced an arm upward. Muck crawled up the cheeks of my face with each thrust. I lifted my feet and forced them down to fight the suction pulling me under.

My nose sank into the muck. No amount of fighting or struggling would bring it back to the surface.

I opened my eyes – wide – and could imagine the morbid look of terror Carl would read on my face.

Terror, desperation, and death exploded through my mind and body at the same time.

I had taken my last breath.

Choking and ready to cough, my hand exploded out of the mud in a powerful jolt of desperation. Each finger fanned out and extended as far as possible.

Carl grabbed onto my wrist and held tight. Another violent shock jolted my body. The pain shot down my arm, through my body.

No illusion! Carl was here!

My thoughts were to ignore the pain in my wrist and fight. I used the little energy left to twist and kick my legs.

Muck fell from my face as I spat, coughed, and gasped for air.

I strained to force my other hand to the surface. The mud mounded and sank with each push.

Easy girl! Easy! Take your time! I swallowed my fear. You are getting out!

First, my fingers wiggled as they rose out of the mire. The ground gurgled and popped as my arm broke free.

I held onto Carl with both hands. Clumps of mud dripped off my arms and slid down the cheeks of my face and off the end of my nose.

Both my eyes and the sinuses stung. My vision blurred.

Focus! Cindy! Focus!

Pain and tension flowed through my shoulders and my arms. A hand began to tingle as the grip on my wrist tightened.

Where was he all this time? Where did he come from?

My mind rolled with abrupt thoughts.

How did he find me? How did he know?

It came to me.

This is not a dream! Carl followed me onto the lakebed!

Once again, Carl knew me too well. There was a chance I would find serious trouble.

Carl! You little --!

So he followed me. He was here for my rescue – again!

The muck grumbled, snapped, and popped.

I felt the mud suck and pull on my hips. It tightened around my legs, feet, even my toes.

My terror spiked. My desperation exploded.

Again, my mind flashed with images of some beast pulling me back into its grasp.

He was not going to stop until I was out.

Mud pulled away from my shoulders. Bubbling and sucking sounds filled my ears as I groaned, twisted, and kicked.

I was walking!

Where was I? What happened? Don’t try to figure it out. Just keep going!

Carl held me tight against his body and guided me across solid ground.

Thoughts and feelings turned and twisted in my mind.

Exhausted, confused, and hurting, I could barely stay on my feet.

Both legs failed. The palms of my hands crashed onto hard dirt.

I collapsed onto the ground.

Everything went black.

*

Arms and shoulders ached. My back was tight and hurt. My forehead throbbed. Pain raged over the top of my head to the knotted muscles of my neck.

I was almost in a fetal position. I felt a gentle rocking motion.

A strong arm supported my back. Another held my legs up behind my knees.

I was being carried – by Carl.

Sudden stop!

He set me down on the ground. My legs dropped. My feet fell to the ground.

Pain exploded from every muscle in my body. Cramps crippled my legs, even knotted my toes. The joints of my ankles and knees ached.

I was dizzy and confused. My head spun.

There was pressure behind my eyes. My vision was blurred. Everything I saw spun, jerked, and moved.

I wrapped my arm around Carl’s back to steady myself.

He wrapped his arm around me. My fingers intertwined with his hand on my side.

Again, dirt and wet mud fell into my eyes. I blinked, but it made it worse. My vision was blurred.

I lifted my hand to wipe my face.

My arms felt pounds heavier.

Oh God! What has happened? What is happening to me?

One, then two sneezes cleared my nose. My sinuses stung for a moment.

The taste of rot and death still plagued my mouth.

There was a sudden surge of nausea.

I wretched and coughed.

“Cindy!” Carl spoke, calmly, quietly, and softly.

Carl handed me a bottle of water. I reached and took a sip.

“Cindy! Are you OK?”

My mind was in a thick fog, still sorting out where I was and what happened. I wondered why I was covered in muck.

“Yea! Yea! Yes, I am all right.”

I took another swish of water, spit, and cough. My breathing calmed. My thoughts began to clear up.

Carl pulled an old washcloth out of a bag and poured water. He tapped my shoulder and handed the wet washcloth to me.

I wiped my eyes and face as best as I could.

Still dizzy, my head felt light. A throbbing heart pulsed with my body. My back and neck tightened.

“Cindy! Are you OK!”

“Yea. I am fine!” I did not put any thought into my answer. "OK!”

“CINDY!”

It all began to come back. I tried to repress the images, but they were too strong.

A hot pain grew deep in my chest. My throat tightened. My head throbbed with the beating of my heart.

Desperation, sorrow, and intense fear grew.

My mind began to burn with vivid memories of my ordeal.

The frustration! The isolation! The desperation! The inevitability of death!

I leaned back onto Carl’s chest as the feelings grew within me.

Carl wrapped his arms around me and rocked me side to side.

Pain surged. It grew in my chest and pushed upward.

My aching head and neck began to pulse. The pressure at the core of my chest became intolerable.

I could no longer hide or hold back my feelings.

I exploded into hysterical and sobbing tears.

My muscles relaxed over time. My headaches began to subside. The pressure in my head began to weaken.

“Cindy! Cindy, you are OK! You are safe!”

His voice echoed in my head.

It calmed each wretched thought and feeling that turned in my mind.

Carl’s arms tightened around me in a firm embrace.

Visions of the struggle and memories of the pain and terror began to fade.

Deep breaths cleared out my lungs. My body pains calmed. Muscles began to relax.

I had no idea how much time had passed as I came back from mental chaos to a calmer reality.

“Cindy!” Deep sigh! “Can you walk?”

I wanted to say, yes. But another pain shot up my leg.

My legs were still cramping. Both ankles and knees still ached. Muscles tightened in my back and neck. There was a steady pounding pain in my head.

Thoughts, emotions, and feelings still boiled in my mind. I felt vulnerable, alone, scared, insecure, and ashamed all at the same moment.

I turned to Carl, pulled my arms inward, and buried my forehead into his chest.

Once again, I cried.

Carl put his arms around me and held me, tight.

I felt a release as my mind calmed. Tension flowed out of my body.

After a while, we turned and put our arms around each other.

I had no idea how much time passed.

I lifted my head and looked into the western sky. The sun sank lower and closer to the horizon. I could see the back of distant clouds turn gray; a sure sign that it was getting late.

We were here long enough. I wanted to leave this place.

I needed to get back home. But, I needed Carl’s strength and support.

A thought crossed my mind like a distant mocking ghost.

I was a big girl now! I could handle any problem I faced on my own!

A little stunned, I wondered how the thought entered my head.

Depression grew. I felt childish, foolish, and a bit abused.

I should be dead now!

The thought sent a shiver down my spine. I needed to think about something else.

I could not be specific. Yet, something changed. I was different.

Exhausted and in pain, this was not the time to figure it out.

I needed help walking home.

I pushed the thought out of my mind.

It was not the time to deal with a damaged self-image and a fatally flawed worldview.

I just wanted to get home to the shower and the poolside reclining chair.

[nointelhere]

This story was so full of pain, after I read it I needed extra strength Tylenol and had to lie down.

[dk_angel7]

I finally able to give some type of avatar that would give some idea what my story book characters looked like.

The following is Cindy Hoffman from First Taste of Fear.

The avatar was created using "http://tektek.org".

[quagmire_uk]

That cute little picture just seems so strange on the same page as a story filled with so much pain and fear.

This story was so full of pain, after I read it I needed extra strength Tylenol and had to lie down.

Hah yeah I don't think I've seen a story before featuring so much exertion and panic and physical pain from struggling. Pretty intense, and well written, but also pretty uncomfortable to read.

[dk_angel7]

Image created via NovelAi

Cindy Hoffman NovelAi Image.png