Dominick and Rita (M/F, consensual sex)

[DJlurker]

A new story from me! Just so you know, The Maiden herself won't appear until the next part...

Dominick and Rita
A Maiden of the Mire story
by DJlurker

Dominick couldn't believe how lucky he was.

Never in his wildest dreams did he think he would ever get hitched with a woman of such beauty... Even when he had first met her, at a cosplay convention, he had approached cautiously, thinking she was already spoken for... She had been dressed in a shiny black evening gown with matching opera gloves, a sigil painted on her forehead... her dark brown hair highlighted with green dye and done up in a bun, with the rest flowing loose... the only make-up she wore being some purple eye-shadow.

So imagine his surprise when he learned this exotic beauty was still unattached... Though she made it clear he was going to have to earn his way to her love. "I've already been burned in the past by perverts who just wanted to get themselves off, you know," she had stated.

Dominick had gulped at this. "Well, I am a red-blooded male like all the others... but I try to keep beautiful women on pedestals, figuratively speaking. By the way... are you supposed to be Setsuna Meiou? You know, Sailor Pluto?"

"Princess Pluto, actually," Rita nodded. "But close enough... it was my friend Christine's idea. You might've seen her, she's the one cosplaying Sailor Saturn." Indeed, Dominick had recalled seeing that girl, but thought she was too young for his tastes.

And so they began dating... Rita had dressed very conservatively at first, as an added disincentive for Dominick to try anything perverted. Fortunately, for both of them, Dominick was indeed more than capable of keeping his hands to himself, only grasping Rita by her hands at first... 'just to remind himself she was real', as he said, which elicited a chuckle from the woman.

Eventually, Rita began to relax around him a little, switching from slacks to skirts and from long sleeves to t-shirts, calling him by his childhood nickname 'Donnie', and also allowing him to hug her around the waist, as long as his hands didn't wander. Even Dominick himself was surprised at the level of control he was able to exercise around Rita, chalking it up to not want to screw up this wonderful opportunity.

But then, one night, things escalated quickly...

Dominick and Rita were at the latter's house, watching a movie while sitting on the couch in the living room. Dominick was dressed in his standard t-shirt and jeans combo, while Rita wore a button-up blouse and long skirt. While Dominick liked this particular movie, he couldn't help but notice that Rita seemed bored by it. But then...

"Ahhhh!" the female lead screamed as the ground suddenly melted beneath her. "Help me! I'm in quicksand!"

Rita immediately sat up straight, her eyes widening slightly as the woman on-screen sank down into the doughy muck, futilely trying to claw her way out. Soon she was armpit-deep, waving her hands over her head in panic, wailing like a banshee... Thankfully, the male lead arrived and reached out to the woman with a long stick, slowly pulling her free from the sticky trap.

"Always one of my favorite parts," Dominick observed as the movie went to commercial.

"...You don't say," Rita muttered, before reaching up and undoing the top button on her house. "Wow, I'm hot all of a sudden..."

"Really?" Dominick turned to her. "It doesn't seem that hot... to..." Any further words died in his throat as he realized Rita wasn't stopping, undoing every single button on her blouse before abruptly sliding out of it and throwing it aside! "Wh-what are you doing?!"

"I told you, Donnie, I'm hot," the brunette chuckled as she slid her skirt off, now only clad in a bra and panties. "Aren't you hot, too...?" With that, she undid her bra straps, pulling it off, then sliding down her panties as well, now completely nude save her sock-clad feet.

"Ah... wha... buh..." Dominick babbled incoherently, whilst still having enough presence of mind to place his hands over the massive bulge that had appeared underneath his jeans. Then Rita came closer, leaning into him, her bare breasts pressing into his chest...

"I can feel it..." she whispered. "You're hot too... and there's only one way to dissipate this kind of heat..." With that, she kissed him deeply, causing the rest of his brain functions to shut down as she began to fiddle with his jeans...

Their subsequent lovemaking was short, but quite intense. When Dominick finally came back to his senses, he saw Rita's flushed, smiling face still hovering over him... he then kissed her passionately, as if to confirm he wasn't dreaming... After a few minutes of frenching, the two finally separated from each other, both above and below, now laying next to each other on the carpeted floor, their heads tilted so they could look into each other's eyes, their hands intertwined.

"...OK, what brought that on?" Dominick eventually managed to speak. "I thought we were still a ways away from getting that close..."

Rita chuckled in response. "Sorry, Donnie... I guess I lost control of myself there... but seeing that woman getting swallowed up by the quicksand... it just..." Her cheeks blushed deeply.

The blond-haired boy blinked in confusion. "You get turned on... by watching people sink in quicksand?"

"Not just watching..." Rita admitted. "I've done it myself... many times..."

Dominick then shifted to laying on his side, so he could look at his girlfriend's face better. "Are you serious? You like to sink in quicksand. Seriously."

Rita just chuckled again. "...I must sound like a complete loon to you." She then sat up. "But, come now... it's not like you wouldn't hesitate to save a beautiful woman like me from smothering in the mire, right?"

"Of course I'd save you!" Dominick retorted as he pulled himself up into a sitting position as well. "What, is this something you did with your previous boyfriends?"

"No," Rita said firmly. "I told you, they were selfish perverts... my quicksand fetish is something I and only a select few others know about. It all started when my friend Christine was shoved into the punch bowl at a party and got her brand new dress ruined... she was so upset, she ran out into Anderson Swamp crying her eyes out. So I after I berated the man who'd shoved her, I ran after her... by the time I found her, she'd fallen into quicksand and was sinking fast."

"Without even thinking, I jumped in to save her... I just managed to grab her hand as she sank under, and pull her back up... Thankfully I was in a shallower part of the mud pit, so I was able to pull her over to me, and then we slowly worked our way back to terra firma..." She smiled again. "But feeling that thick mud sucking at my body, rubbing the fabric of my gown against my skin like that... I just couldn't stop thinking about it. So I went back a few days later, wearing my dirtied gown and sank myself again..." She shivered in pleasure from the memory... "And that's when I knew... I had a deep mud fetish."

"...Wow," was all Dominick could say, blushing as he realized he was getting hard again. Pulling his knees up to try and hide his erection, he asked, "So, what does Christine think about that?"

"Well..." Rita bit her lip lightly. "Actually, she was a bit curious, and decided to try it herself, with me watching... She ended up enjoying herself as well, though not quite in a sexual manner... We still go together every so often..."

"Really..." Dominick shifted as his erection throbbed from his imagination running wild. "So what was that you were saying about me saving you...?"

"Well, I might consider letting you come along next time..." Rita smirked knowingly. "But for now, let's help you fix that little problem between your legs..." Before Dominick could react, the sexy woman was on top of him again, his erection sliding into her easily, as they began to make love once more...

(And now, here we are, two weeks later...) The blond man thought to himself as he followed his girlfriend through the woods of Anderson Swamp, a crescent moon visible in the sky... The two of them hadn't done the naughty since then, though Rita would tease him on occasion, when no one else could hear...

"Stop!" Rita abruptly halted, Dominick nearly colliding with her. Looking around his girl, he could see the moonlight reflecting off the moist ground a few feet away.

"Is that it?" he asked rhetorically.

"This is the place," Rita confirmed, adjusting the backpack on her shoulders. "Alright, you wait here, I'm going to go get ready." With that, she vanished into the brush on her left.

"Yes ma'am," Donnie acquiesced, setting his own backpack down, unzipping it and pulling out a water bottle which he took a long pull from. The anticipation of what was waiting for him had left him quite thirsty... His backpack also contained a clean change of clothes, and a sturdy rope, though Rita had told him a sturdy pole or walking stick worked better for escaping quicksand. He had set his walking stick aside, taking a breath to calm himself as he waited. He could hear movement in the brush on the other side of the mud pit- most likely, Rita making preparations.

Soon, the woman emerged into open air, veiled in shadow, though Dominick could just make out the electronic lantern she carried in one hand. Rita then set down said lantern, before turning it on-

Her boyfriend's breath caught in his throat as Rita's appearance was fully revealed to him when she straightened up... She was wearing the same lustrous black dress and opera gloves from her 'Princess Pluto' cosplay, when they had first met... "Y-you didn't tell me you were g-gonna wear that...!"

Rita just smiled seductively. "I wanted it to be a surprise..." Her voice was barely above a whisper. "Don't take your eyes off me, now..."

He couldn't have looked away even if he wanted to, as he watched Rita step into the quicksand, taking a few steps before abruptly kneeling down... "So this dress doesn't bunch up around my waist," she explained. He simply nodded dumbly in response, as his girlfriend slowly twisted her hips, slowly sinking down into the shiny wetness...

He had never thought that he would get turned by seeing a beautiful woman's body vanish from sight... But then again, it was almost as if the ground was swallowing her alive, given the 'lips' that had formed around Rita's waist... her bosom jiggling slightly and she shifted back and forth, inducing the quicksand to take her down further... (Geez, did it get hot out here all of a sudden?) Dominick wondered as he began to remove his shirt...

"Ooooh, are you disrobing for me~?" Rita couldn't help but tease as she pushed her gloved hands into the muck, before pulling up, sinking down to her ribcage. "And here I thought I was the one putting on a show..."

"G...Guess not," Dominick grunted as he set his shirt aside, shifting uncomfortably as a certain something began to strain against his jeans... He continued to watch as Rita sank deeper, until the thick muck began to push up up on her bosom, her hard nipples prominent against the shiny black material... Dominick then forced his gaze up to look at his beloved's face. At first it seemed she was looking him in the eyes with flushed cheeks, but he soon realized her gaze was trending a bit... lower.

Instinctively his hands went to his crotch to cover up, only for Rita to shake her head, her long hair whipping about slightly. "Now, now, Donnie... that's not something I haven't seen before... Go ahead and show it if you want..." She didn't expect to suddenly unzip his pants, pulling both them and his underwear down, exposing his erection for all to see, which was only one at the moment... and that one was now blushing profusely from the sight, her boyfriend now completely naked save his socks... Rita then leaned forward slightly, her arms now sunk past her elbows, though the upper rims of her gloves were still visible... she shivered with pleasure as her bosom pressed into the quicksand, which now lapped and sucked at her hard nipples... "Mmmm... oh, yes..."

"Geez, Rita...!" Dominick abruptly spoke up. "I'm gonna lose it, at this rate...!"

The brunette chuckled as she straightened up again. "Well, Donnie, if you're that hot, perhaps you could join me in here and cool off a bit..."

"I...in the mud...?!" Donnie grunted as swayed uncertainly, his hands trying to keep his throbbing erection under control... then his feet began to move, seemingly of their own accord, the blond-haired-man shivering as the cold mud consumed his stocking feet, then rose to his knees... He looked down, raising his hands up, just in time to see his hard-on be swallowed by the thick muck. He exhaled heavily as his penis was rendered somewhat flaccid again from the sudden drop in temperature... "Haaah, that's better..." The blond man then realized his hands had sunk in, but trying to pull up just caused him to sink in further, fear welling up in his heart... looking back up at Rita, who gave him a reassuring smile... (Right... even if I don't know what I'm doing, she does...) He relaxed again as he settled to the same depth as his girlfriend, his arms also sunk just as deep...

The two of them remained like this for a short while, gazing lovingly into each other's eyes, their only light being the electronic lantern... "You can come a little closer, you know," Rita spoke up.

Dominick just shook his head. "Kinda busy devouring the eye candy... Don't tell me you're not."

"Touché," Rita conceded, before beginning to shift herself forward. "But I've had enough of watching... I'd at least like a kiss..." She closed her eyes and leaned forward, pressing her bosom into the mud again as she lightly puckered her lips.

"Uh... OK, sure," her beloved nodded, trying to swim forward a little, then closing his eyes and leaning in, himself... fortunately they were just close enough for their lips to meet without stretching their necks uncomfortably, the two moaning into each other's mouths from the sudden contact... Dominick could feel his erection slowly returning to full length, in spite of the cool quicksand surrounding that part of his anatomy... If it hadn't been for the fact that he could clearly remember every event leading up to point, he might have thought he was dreaming...

After a minute or two, Rita began to shift forward again, her submerged arms lowly moving forward through the thick muck, until they found her boyfriend's waist, gripping and slowly pulling him in closer... Dominick moaned intensely as he felt his erection sliding against the fabric of Rita's evening gown, then her soft bosom pressing into his chest... so intense was the sensation, he was forced to break off the kiss to catch his breath. His hips then bucked against her instinctively, feeling his penis sliding against that silky dress, through the mud... "Oh, Rita... I can't... stop myself..." he grunted, even as his hands moved forward to grasp her hips...

"Oh don't worry," the sexy woman replied in a husky whisper, "I don't want you to stop..." As if to accentuate the point, she bucked against him herself, quaking with pleasure as she did so... Donnie bucked back at this, his girlfriend responding in kind, sending ripples over the surface of the mire from their impromptu lovemaking...

"Uh! Uh! Uh!" Dominick grunted with every thrust he made... With a supreme effort, he managed to open his eyes, gazing upon his girlfriend's flushed, happy face... "Oh, Rita... you're so... beautiful..."

"Oh, Donnie..." Rita sighed back in love, hugging him a little tighter as their bucking and writhing continued... Despite their increased motion, they appeared to not be sinking any further into the quicksand, but the two lover's minds are too clouded with pleasure to take note of this, or even care...

Dominick groaned loudly as he felt himself release, staining Rita's dress with thick ropes of semen shooting forth from his penis... his body temperature seeming to drop rapidly as he emptied himself, quaking violently from the force of his orgasm. Rita doesn't quite hit orgasm herself, though it was hard to tell from the way she was shivering... As she feels Dominick come down from his high, she pulls her right hand back, before pushing down and rubbing her g-spot between her legs... fortunately, it doesn't take much for her to go over the edge, groaning ferally as those familiar waves of heat and ecstasy surge through her body...

"Sorry," Dominick grunted as he came back to his senses.

"Why?" Rita gasped out.

"That you had to... finish yourself... without me," the blond man gasped back.

Rita couldn't help but laugh tiredly at this. "Oh, Donnie... you're fine... at least... you want to... make sure... I enjoy myself... unlike my... last few boyfriends..."

"Well that's... how it should be..." Dominick asserted, his forehead gently colliding with Rita's as they rested together in the mud... Lifting his head up, he blinked as he realized their surroundings had changed slightly. "Hey... where'd the fog come from?"

"Fog...?" Rita lifted her head and looked around as well, seeing that a white mist was now covering the area... her breath caught in her throat as realization dawned. "Oh no..." (She wouldn't...)

"What? Is something wrong?" Dominick asked in concern... before the quicksand suddenly seemed to clamp down on the two lovers, before forcefully pulling them apart! "Wh-what the hell?!"

"Shit! It's her!" Rita cried, her blue eyes wide with fear. "The Maiden of the Mire...!"

To be continued...

[Rusty Shackleford]

Nice story, thanks for sharing!

[DJlurker]

And here's the second part! Enjoy!

Dominick and Rita
A Maiden of the Mire story
by DJlurker

Part 2- The Maiden Intervenes

"The Maiden of the Mire?!" Dominick gasped in disbelief as he and Rita struggled in the quicksand. "That old wives' tale...?!" A sinister chuckle was then heard. "Oh God... Rita, please tell me that was you chuckling I just heard!"

Rita shook her head vigorously, before suddenly throwing her head back as the mud thrust against her g-spot. "A-aghh!"

"Nooo!" Dominick cried as he felt himself being pulled down to his neck. "Someone help us...!"

"(Oh, stop that,)" a disembodied female voice suddenly spoke up, causing Donnie to seize up in terror. "(If I was going to smother you, you'd already be six feet under... literally.)" The blond man then gasped as he felt two muddy hands begin to massage his shoulders. "(Relax... I'm not going to hurt you.)"

The blond man grunted as he suddenly felt his whole body being massaged, from neck to toes, causing his tense muscles to loosen up considerably, his breathing becoming heavy as his body relaxed in the mud's thick embrace... the only parts of his body not being actively caressed were his testicles and penis, still spent from his earlier orgasm.

"Uhhhhh-!" Rita's groan caused Dominick to snap back to full awareness. Looking forward, he could see his girlfriend quaking with pleasure, her eyes closed, her mouth open... The quicksand now seemed to mold itself somewhat around her bust, her nipples straining against the fabric of her lustrous black evening gown... Dominick's eyes then went wide as he saw what appeared to be a finger and thumb on both sides of Rita's bosom, reaching up and gently pinching her nipples, causing her to cry out ferally...

"(Mmmm, you like that, don't you Rita?)" the disembodied voice teased. "(Then again, I suppose that goes without saying...)"

"Uuuaaaggh!" The brunette groaned in response, too out of her mind with pleasure to form any coherent words.

"Stop it! Leave her alone!" Dominick protested, trying to move himself closer, only for the quicksand to clamp down firmly on his body, paralyzing him.

"(Aww, but she's so close,)" The Maiden of the Mire taunted mockingly. "(The least I can do is take her the rest of the way to ecstasy...)" With that, Rita began to buck back and forth as if Dominick himself had penetrated her...

"Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, AAAAAAAAHHHHHH!" Rita screamed as she finally went over the edge, thrashing about in her entrapment as her body was wracked with orgasm, far more intense than the one before. Her bucking sent thick ripples over the surface of the mire, Donnie having to tilt his head back slightly to keep the mud out of his mouth, watching as his girlfriend's thrashing caused her to sink down deeper into the quicksand, until only her head and neck remained above the surface, her long dark hair spreading out over the mire...

Rita gasped and panted heavily as her pleasure finally ebbed away and subsided, her head falling back from fatigue, feeling the mud cradle it like a soft, moist pillow... "Oh, God..." she finally managed to speak... "I hate you... so much... right now... Ravonna..."

"(You enjoyed it and you know it,)" the voice retorted smugly. "(You always do, every time you come here, Rita...)"

"Wh... what?!" Dominick gasped, unable to believe his ears. "You... and Rita...?!"

"(That's right... Donnie, was it? Rita and I have gotten intimate on several occasions...)" Ravonna explained.

"Not by... choice," Rita groaned.

"(Excuse me?)" the voice shot back. "(Who's the one who keeps coming back here, again and again, knowing full well what will befall her? Like I've said before, I can't follow you out of this swamp, so you really have no one to blame but yourself...)"

"I wasn't alone this time," the brunette growled angrily, having finally caught her breath. "I thought you would've gotten the hint and left us alone..."

"(Oh come now,)" Ravonna sighed, "(I let you two have your fun, didn't I? But now, it's my turn...)" Rita then gasped as she felt her body begin to be caressed again...

"Ughh... D-do what you want with me, but leave Dominick alone!" Rita gasped out.

An amused chuckle could be heard. "(As you wish...)" The brunette then cried out she felt herself pulled deeper, her feeling the mud flow between her lips as her mouth submerged, now only able to breathe through her nose...

"Rita! NO!" Dominick cried in horror, trying to struggle forward... then he felt the quicksand pushing him closer to his beloved, while also pushing him up slightly... The result being that he was now shoulder deep, looking down at Rita's upturned face, her lips still beneath the mire, the woman's eyes locking with Donnie's, showing fear and remorse...

"(Look at her. Doesn't she look so cute, at the edge of total submersion?)" Ravonna stated with amusement. "(I think so, anyway...)"

"Nnngghhh... I thought you lured men to their doom in the bog!" The blond-haired man argued.

"(Oh, I used to, awhile back,)" the ghost admitted, "(But it's so much more fun to play with my victims instead... especially when they're willing...)"

"I don't think she is...!" Dominick shot back defiantly.

"(Like I said before, she keeps coming back,)" Ravonna pointed out. "(Now why would she do that, if she weren't enjoying it at some level...?)"

"Mmmmm..." Rita moaned as she quivered, causing bubbles on the surface, as if to validate the Maiden's point.

"(Now then, Rita...)" the disembodied voice turned serious. "(It's time. You know what to do.)"

"Mmm," the woman grunted in acknowledgement, sucking in a deep breath through her nose and closing her eyes, swiftly being pulled beneath the surface of the quicksand, leaving only a few long strands of dark hair behind. Dominick cried out in fear at this, only to feel the mud begin to massage his body again, as if to reassure him...

"(Do you want to know what's happening down there?)" Ravonna teased.

"Do I have a choice?" Dominick grunted in reply.

Another amused chuckle. "(I'll take that as a yes. What I'm doing is forming a female body made of mud, so I can get a little more... personal with Rita. She loves it when I do that, though she'd never, ever admit it...)

"Nghh..." Dominick's face flushed as his imagination began to run wild, his penis swiftly extending to full length, though it hadn't been directly stimulated in any way... Then he saw the mire begin to ripple where his girlfriend had vanished...

"(Mmmmm... she's still got quite a bit of spunk left,)" the ghost sighed in contentment. "(Oh yes... that's a good girl, Rita...)"

"D-don't tell me YOU'RE getting turned on..." Donnie grunted in disbelief.

"(Hmhmhmm... You should see what happens during the full moon, when I can manifest in a real body,)" The Maiden taunted. "(Ooooooh, yes... Oh, yes... YES...)" Now the whole bog seemed to be heaving, Dominick gasping and grunting as he bucked against his muddy encasement, his erection literally fucking the mud itself...

"(OOOOOOOOOOOOHHH!)" Ravonna cried out in ecstasy, thick ripples radiating from where Rita had submerged, a few bubbles popping on the surface, indicating the brunette was having one hell of an orgasm herself... Donnie groaned loudly as he ejaculated, shooting large amounts of semen into the mire, never to see the light of day...

(Holy shit... if this is how Rita feels... no wonder she keeps coming back...) Dominick thought to himself once he came back to his senses. His musings were interrupted when the mud in front of him suddenly bulged upward, soon resolving into the shape of Rita's head and shoulders, the woman coughing violently...

"Rita!" Donnie gasped, feeling the mud's grip on his upper body loosen up, allowing him to extract his hands, one hand gripping his girlfriend's shoulder while the other wiped mud from her face... "Breathe, Rita! Just breathe!"

"D-Donnie..." Rita coughed out, managing to open her eyes, looking quite tired. Once her breathing had stabilized, Dominick pushed his arms underneath the woman's armpits, pulling her in close, Rita responding by draping her gloved arms around his neck. "Oh, Donnie... I'm so sorry..."

"It... it's not your fault," Dominick disagreed, giving his beloved a brief peck on the lips to reassure her. "Look, I... I can understand why you never told me... I never would've believed you..."

"I was hoping she... wouldn't do anything this time..." Rita lamented. "Guess that was folly..."

Another disembodied chuckle. "(Yes, quite folly... Just so we're clear, Rita, I had no intention of doing to Donnie what I do with you... Any orgasm he might have had was entirely of his own volition.)"

"That's Dominick to you..." Rita sighed, subconsciously hugging her beloved a little tighter.

"You ever do anything like this... with a man?" Dominick couldn't help but ask.

"(As a matter of fact, I have a boyfriend who comes to visit me every full moon,)" Ravonna replied. "(We do have quite a bit of fun together... But Rita serves as good entertainment between his visits.)"

"Does he know about this?!" The blond man inquired pointedly.

"He does..." Rita gasped. "I actually met him once... he's a pretty nice guy... he doesn't exactly approve of Ravonna's trysts with me, but he doesn't protest too much, either, seeing as I'm willing..."

"(A miracle, she finally admits it,)" The Maiden joked. "(Well, seeing as you both are exhausted, I'll leave you be now... until we meet again, Rita.)" The white mist then dissipated, the ghost's sinister chuckling fading into the swamp.

Dominick could only shake his head, as he pulled up a little on his girlfriend, her bosom emerging from the quagmire, the mud slowly cascading off and remerging with the mass below... "So... does she do this every time you come here?"

"She's left me alone precisely once," Rita stated, "and that was because her boyfriend specifically requested it..."

"Geez..." Dominick shook his head again. "Aren't there any other swampy areas you could go to instead?"

"I've looked, believe me," Rita sighed, "Nothing for miles... I even checked out a few rivers in the area, but nothing... You know, it's because of her repeated... play-sessions with me, that I quit smoking..."

"I'm glad you did, then," Donnie responded, "Smoking's a major turn-off for me..."

"You don't say..." Rita chuckled. "Well then, I'm glad I did too, and not just because of improved lung function..." She then pulled her boyfriend in a little closer, their noses almost touching now... "And on that note... what say we have a little tongue-duel, while we're recovering our stamina in order to escape?"

"S... sure, why not," Dominick agreed, closing the distance and pressing his lips against hers... their eyes sliding shut as he pushed his tongue in, Rita responding in kind, the two gently rocking against each other in the quicksand...

But even as they sucked on each other's tongues, the gears in Dominick's head were turning... (At least now I know what movies I should get, in order to get Rita in the mood... She'll probably catch on, but unlike that ghost, I'll at least give her the choice to say no...)

In the end, he was indeed a red-blooded male... but at least one that had been raised properly.

~*Fin*~

I feel like I might have fumbled a bit at the end... let me know what you think, okay?

[Solrex]

This is definitely a very powerful story, and I enjoyed it very much. I don't see much wrong with it, however, that doesn't mean you don't have to proofread anymore. I think I saw one typo somewhere, but I forgot where and to point out exactly where would be quite a bit of work.

Your characters are nice, your grammar is good, the length is great, and everything about this story is extremely arousing. I can't wait to read more from you in the future.

I hope to be able to write with your level of depth some day.